"I would never do anything to hurt you or make you sad, is what I'd say if I were really into you," Gavvy confessed, his voice laced with sarcasm. The words hit me like a physical blow. "I thought you liked me," I replied, shocked. He scoffed. "Ha! In your dreams. Look, I'm sorry if you misunderstood, okay? I thought we were just casual."
The casual dismissal sent a chill down my spine. Were we really just casual? Or was he using that as an excuse to push me away? Was I just a temporary fling? Tears welled up as I replayed every moment, every touch, every shared smile, questioning their meaning. I fled his room, crying uncontrollably.
Running home, every familiar sight became a painful reminder of our time together. If it was all casual, why did he make me believe otherwise? What kind of game was he playing? Tears streamed down my face as I stopped to catch my breath, my eyes falling on the bakery where I'd bought him a cake. The sweetness of that memory was now tainted by bitterness.
When I arrived home, my mother's concerned face greeted me at the door, but I couldn't articulate the hurt swirling inside me. All I needed was comfort, so I clung to her hug, crying uncontrollably.
Later, alone in my bed, the tears continued to flow. I started to question everything. Was I just a toy to him, an experiment in love? Was there something wrong with me? Had I done something to make him say those things? Or was it truly my fault? The self-doubt gnawed at me, a relentless tide pulling me under. Eventually, exhaustion claimed me, and I finally fell asleep, the questions unanswered, the pain unresolved.
Waking up the next day was agony. My body ached, particularly where Gavvy had touched me. His voice echoed in my head, his once angelic eyes now seemed like the eyes of a devil. The memories of his kisses felt like poison, slowly killing me from the inside. I felt trapped in a cycle of replaying events, unable to escape the pain. My mother's gentle knocks went unanswered; I remained curled in a fetal position, unable to move.
I drifted in and out of sleep, haunted even in my dreams by Gavvy's singing voice. Sweet memories of him intertwined with a painful alternate reality—a happier ending that would never be. My misery felt endless. I longed for escape, a private garden where I could find solace, a place only I could go. But even in my dreams, even there, a trace of him remained. I shouldn't have fallen for him. In my dream, I sought refuge in my secret garden, enjoying the peaceful wind. Suddenly, a violent storm erupted, a deluge of memories, each raindrop a different moment from our time together, each one a painful reminder of what was lost.
I woke to a cool, damp towel on my forehead. The sun had already set. My mother came in, urging me to rest. She brought porridge and medication, feeding me with gentle hands. "What happened?" she asked. Before I could answer, tears welled up again. "Mom…" I whispered, unable to articulate the depth of my pain.