She found she could not control herself at all. This would have been unfathomable in times past. Every matter had to be decided by her, persisted in by her—even her own emotions, her own body. How can a person not even manage her own body?
Forgive her; she had never known it could be like this. Under constant vigilance and tension, she had always felt that only men would appreciate this sort of thing. Goodness, all I could ever associate with it was pregnancy, miscarriage, uterine scraping... So painful. It really, really hurt. There wasn't the tiniest bit of enjoyment in it, was there?
Yet, amid the intense novelty of the sensation, all those negative emotions were suddenly flung to the nine heavens. She had utterly become a novice filled with curiosity, experiencing simultaneously unbearable pain and immense anticipation. It was like a limitless bungee jump, an unconscious wondering just how high this peak could be.
