Just a holiday.
'Knock knock.'
Lucifer was deeply enthralled into his book, and couldn't exactly hear the sound.
It was 10'o clock that morning, and he took keen interest in spending this day just relaxing.
'Knock knock knock knock!'
Growling, Lucifer closed his eyes. 'No one's here. Go away!'
KNOCKKNOCKKNOCKKNOCKKNOCKKNOCK!
'Fucking hell.' Slamming his book closed, Lucifer rose from his chair and stalked across the room.
Glare firmly in place, he flung open the door, ready to eviscerate the hapless moron who dare-----
But before he could even open his mouth, he was unceremoniously shoved back into his room, and what appeared to be a brunette hairball barreled its way over the threshold.
"Granger!" he erupted. "What's the meaning of this? What do you think y—"
Hermione's eyes flashed with pure rage, effectively silencing him in a way no one had ever managed since the Goddess herself.
Lucifer straightened his t-shirt and took a deep breath, affecting an air of annoyance to mask his retreat.
Granger's nostrils flared and she clenched her fist around her wand so tightly her knuckles gleamed white.
"Don't start with me, Lucifer. Not today. I need your help, and I don't need any of your lip to go with it."
Lucifer blinked. He'd never seen her so furious.
And why didn't his glaring work on her anymore? Blasted Gryffindors and their imperceptive bullheadedness.
Sometimes he just forgot in which house Lucifer belongs to.
"I've been jinxed," she hissed. "Or someone slipped me something. I'm not sure which."
A little of his outrage melted, replaced by curiosity.
He didn't see anything wrong with her—discounting that explosion she called hair, which had frizzed up like an electrical storm to match her thunderous mood.
Half of her appeared to be riotous chestnut curls, the remainder was obscured by ill-fitting robes.
"I'd say you need a refresher on how to properly ask someone for help," he replied darkly. "Or perhaps you'd like to hex me a bit to round off this atrocious invasion of—"
"Could we do the whole lecture thing later?" she interjected. "You can lambaste me to your heart's content once I'm back to normal."
"And just what makes you think I'd even want to help you after being subjected to such interminable rudeness?"
Hermione rolled her eyes as if he'd asked the most ridiculous question ever. "Because ..."
He arched an eyebrow.
She sighed, and her body (and hair) deflated as if she'd been pricked by a pin of morose dejection. "Because of these."
Taking a deep breath, she grabbed the front of her oddly puffy black robes and spread her arms.
For a split second, Lucifer thought she was flashing him, but beneath her robes she wore an enormous distorted Rabbit jumper and a pair of nondescript jeans.
It took a double-take to realize why her jumper looked so distorted.
"What," he asked faintly, "are those?"
She growled, her expression miserable. "What do they look like? They're breasts!"
What had once been healthy balloons now strained at her jumper even more, stretching the wool to its absolute limit.
(Giant watermelons)
She looked absurdly unbalanced, as if she might topple over at any moment.
Lucifer angled his head to one side, marveling at what seemed to be a refutation of basic physics.
Hermione snapped her robes shut. "Would you stop staring! Bloody hell! I'm not a piece of meat, you know!"
'Technically, as Homo sapiens, you were all pieces of meat,' but it seemed prudent to keep that retort to himself.
He could already feel the magic pulsating off her body like a heat wave, and there was no telling what might happen if she accidentally unleashed any of that in his direction.
"How am I supposed to assist you if I don't look?" Lucifer asked reasonably. "I don't even know what we're dealing with here."
Her eyes bugged out, and she tightened her arms around herself. "What do you think we're dealing with? Somebody hit me with some kind of perverse hex, and now I look like Miss Holiday-Hooters 1992! It's not complicated."
Lucifer bit his tongue to keep from smirking. "If it's not complicated, then handle it yourself."
"If I knew what to do, I would!"
"Well, I can't help you if I don't know what we're working with. You can't even tell me if this was brought on by a spell or potion."
"That's why I came to you! I thought you'd be able to tell me."
"How should I know?"
"Who else knows about such things? You are best at potions and you know curses. Don't pretend you can't figure this out!"
One corner of his mouth curled in a devilish smirk. "I'm sorry. What was that? Did the Brightest Witch of her Age just admit she doesn't know something? That couldn't be. These past few years you've made it abundantly clear what little regard you have for my intelligence."
Her jaw dropped. "Where'd you get an idea like that?"
"Please, Granger. You're constantly huffing around on looking at my essays and trying to find any kind of fault which you might correct using your super brain and taunt your efforts on me..."
She gaped at him, her expression blank. "You're completely mental, you know that?"
He flashed a warning sneer.
"I was just making sure you did everything correct just in case— and got full marks. It wasn't a critique on your intelligence or abilities."
Lucifer didn't need Legilimency to see the truth in her eyes; the earnestness practically oozed out of her. Shit.
She really hadn't meant to insult him.
"You're easily the most intelligent person I know," she went on praising. "Or I thought you were. Now I'm not so sure."
Feeling like a complete and utter arse, Lucifer remained silent, unsure what to say.
It sounded as if she was complimenting him, couldn't think of a reply that made sense.
Hermione pursed her lips for a moment, studying him, her gaze far too perceptive for comfort. "Look, I'm sorry if I came across as meddlesome," she said haltingly. "I had no idea you were taking my check overs personally."
"I wasn't taking anything personally," Lucifer snapped, which unfortunately undermined his claim, as it sounded exceedingly defensive.
She arched one eyebrow, using his own facial retort to make it clear he'd just proven her point.
Lucifer sighed. "Very well. I accept your apology."
The other eyebrow rose to join the first.
"I'll help you ... return to your previous proportions. If you still want my help."
Her face relaxed, and she gave him a weary nod.
"Perhaps we should take this to a private lab I created." He gestured to the door in the corner. "Tell me what you know of your predicament. I assume this just happened."
Although she awkwardly locked her arms around her bulging chest, Hermione managed to keep up with him as he strode across the room.
xxxxxx
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