CHAPTER 3
Hayat POV:
2 deaths, one which I did attend and one which I couldn't.
One in which I had no sense of who died, and another whom I knew dearly yet couldn't attend the funeral.
Destiny has always been cruel to me. The mother who gave birth to me died after I came into the world, and the mother I got loved me, but everyone always felt jealous of our bond.
The person I met online and felt loved died when I was locked in my own house by my father, the person I met and loved... I couldn't even see for the last time... to say my final goodbye...
I will never forget how much pain my father has given me, but he is my father. I can't just hate him; I would be a bad daughter if I hate him, right? This simple yet confusing question always had my thoughts wrapped around it…
There were only some important people I loved and trusted, and one of them had already left me to go to heaven...
Moving towards my bed, I lay there on the cold bed, in the cold night, feeling no emotions yet mentally drained.
The sun had already begun to rise, making the world bright and warm, and the sunlight was peeking through the window, signaling the start of a new day and the memories we were about to make.
I wish never to make memories with anyone because the memories last longer than the person we know, and that hurts more than anything. Tiredness and exhaustion from last night started to make my eyes heavy, and feeling a gentle pat on my head, I moved towards the comfort, not knowing who the person was, but still knowing it was someone who knew me more than myself. I lost my consciousness.
"Come on, wake up, meri jaan. Look, it's already past Zuhr time. Come, pray with me, my love. Wake up, Chanda." The soft pat on my hand and voice started to wake me up, the sentence started to make sense, I finally sat on my bed after having some sleep, clinging to my auntie for a while, I sat there with her, as she continued to caress my head... (Translation: My dear.)
"Chachi mai uth gayi hoon, ap chalein, mai aati ho wadhu kr ka," I said, standing up from my bed and making my way towards the washroom. Coming to the lounge, I saw my auntie waiting for me, slowly moving towards her, I did a small nod and started praying with her... (Translation: Auntie, I'm awake. You go ahead, I'll come after performing ablution.)
I have been a bad Muslim, knowing very well about my responsibility as a Muslim, I still did not act upon it, knowing very well I need to pray, I don't... knowing very well that I should recite the Quran, I don't... knowing very well as a lady I need to cover up properly, I don't... I run away from my responsibilities, and I always feel guilty about it, still, I'm running in the wrong direction...
After praying, my chachi made me eat biryani, which she cooked herself for me, and told me to go to my room, which I did, but knowing very well that I'll just get ready to go out, roaming the streets of Karachi in my favorite SUV car, I'll eat and play with kids...
It was already 3 p.m. when I reached the famous food street of Karachi, Hussainabad. I ate some of our favorite food and missed my best friend. Having fun there and eating the food we loved together was one of the most everlasting memories I had.
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I remembered... "Hazel, do you think I should wear this pink dress or the lilac color dress, which one will suit me the most?" my best friend asked as she came towards me, holding both beautiful dresses in each of her hands.
"You know you look beautiful in every piece of clothing, right?" I questioned, folding my hands, looking at her from top to bottom, knowing her reaction, which I got really fast. She ran towards the window, hiding behind the curtains. I laughed as she replied, "Don't you flirt here, Missy. I'm serious, tell me, I need to get ready for our bookstore date." I looked at her, shocked. I forgot our date...damn it.
"You forgot, right, missy!" glaring, said my best friend, all saddened now, I know how much it means to her, but still I dared to forget our date, it's one of our things to do, we go on bookstore dates every Sunday... It's our ritual to follow, we read together, rant about our books together, it makes us joyous knowing we do what we love together...
"Oh, I'm sorry, you know how my dumb brain works, right. Let's just go on our date, and then we'll go to our favorite food street, my treat," I said, hugging her, trying to make up with her. She gets really moody when she is angry with me, so I have to make excuses to avoid her complaints.
"Okay, done, wait, I'm coming," said my best friend as she excitedly ran towards the changing room...
"I love you," I screamed the words out as I could hear soft giggles from the inside, "thank you," she replied…
I damn knew it, she is angry with me as I forgot the date, and her reply made it so obvious to me as she replied with a thank you instead of I love you too as always… It's okay, I'll make up with her again by showing my doe eyes.
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The memories sometimes haunt you, sometimes they make you cry, sometimes they make you happy, and sometimes... You just wish to forget them, knowing it hurts more than you ever imagined... but forgetting them means losing the person you spent your life with, letting all the beautiful moments vanish, which would be more painful.
Listening to some songs, I took the road of Seaview to gaze at the sea, which was once our favorite place to roam around. Parking my car at the side, I walked towards the sandy beach while having my black boots in my hand...
The wind caressed my face, reminding me how lonely I was now, at this beautiful beach, watching the sun set. I went forward and sat on the side a little far from the water, not wanting to get my pants wet, watching the people going here and there, giggling and eating. I felt a little tug on my jacket.
I turned to my right and saw two little twins. "Would you like some candy, pretty lady?" one of the kids asked as the other one handed me a candy. "Thank you, little angels, who are you here with?" I asked politely, worried if they had lost sight of their parents somewhere...
"We came here with Mama, she is taking us home now and told us to distribute the candies," the one holding the candies told me, giving me her beautiful toothy smile, "okay then let's go to Mama," I said and stand up from the sandy ground, walked with the babies towards a lady who was talking on the phone while looking a little tense...
We exchanged greetings with a smile on our faces when I noticed she had a little hand bag in her right hand and some bags in her left hand which had some juice and chips, she was in an abaya that looked so beautiful on her, it was getting awkward for me to stand there not knowing to do so I cleared my throat and looked at her, "You have a beautiful pair of twins, Masha Allah."
After having a little conversation with her, I made my way towards my car. I excused myself from the people who were around my car and opened the door for myself to get in when I heard someone calling me from behind.
"Hey, excuse me, miss, can I ask if you are from here?" A boy who looked tall enough to tower over me asked.
It took me seconds to realize how I should answer as I denied and took my seat in the car when I found him again on my side window.
"What is wrong with you?" I questioned, this time annoyed by all the attention my car was getting; it was making me uncomfortable, people around my car were taking its pictures, and that wasn't bad, but still, it was uncomfortable.
"Sorry to disturb you, miss, but would you like to join our club? We race here only on weekend nights with all modified cars and bikes; we have fun here. If you want, you can join us." His voice was loud and clear. I wanted to give a thought to this club thing, but I was getting late, 'I'll see."
As I was about to pull the windows up of my car, I heard him again, "If you make up your mind to join us here, then be here this Friday itself. My name is Ashar, you can ask anyone around here about me, I'll be here itself." I gave a small nod and drove off...
It was already 9 pm, and I was finally tired, not wanting to go home now, so I took a U-turn towards the bookshop to get myself some books. Walking inside the Liberty Books, I moved directly towards the fiction section. I love books, and they make me forget everything around me. And good fiction books are what I crave.
I went to look for books that have a great cover picture because I think good books do have a good cover picture too, oh, well, we shouldn't judge a book by its cover, but still... I got myself some series books, some good fictional romance books, for a week's read is all I want.
I paid the bill and got out of the store with 4 heavy bags with just books, yes, 4 bags, each bag had 5 books itself. I think these were actually less than what I wanted to buy, but I also needed to carry them to my place.
I dropped the heavy bags in my car and drove away, "Chacha Chachi, I'm back," making myself comfortable on the sofa.
"Finally, my little warrior is back home. I missed my baby. Why were you so late? Why didn't you pick up my call? Did you have your lunch? What about dinner and –" I cut my Uncle off mid since he has already bombarded me with so many questions.
"Chachu, I did have my lunch, I got late because I was at Seaview, and my phone was on silent mode, so I didn't know about your call, and I missed you guys too, and that is why I'm at home this early," I said, side hugging my people.
After having dinner together, I went to my room and sat on the bed with the book bag that I brought in the evening. I searched for the specific book that I could read tonight, and that book was Love Knot by Hina Shamsi.
I started reading the book while marking all the important points I found, writing in the book about my perspective on all things, the book made me think about how a family can destroy the new generation by just saying a lie, how a lie can never make a relationship work, how things can change for a young girl when she picks all the burden the society gives her...
I was so engrossed with the book that I didn't know when Fajr adhan started, and Chachi came to wake me up, "Chanda-, ohh uthi huwi ho, chalo a jao Namaz parh lo mere sath, a jao mera bacha," she said, patting my head a little, and went away to wake Chachu up too. (Translation: My baby-, oh, you're awake, come and pray with me, come baby.)
I stood up and went to the washroom to do ablution, moving towards my Chach, I prayed with her, after praying the Salah I was reciting some Ayat on my fingers when my Chachi grabbed my face in her hands and pulled me closer, she blew the air on my face and recited some surah, patting my head she stood up, "Chanda would you like to have your breakfast now or later?"
Her calm and sweet personality has always had my heart. To me, she is my mother, my comfort person. I imagine sometimes how lucky her children would have been to have such a sweet mother to themselves... yet again, destiny is cruel to the nicest people...
Holding her hands in mine, I spoke softly, "Chachi, you can go to sleep. I'll read my book and maybe sleep again." I, too, stood up, went to my room, and finished the book, letting out a sigh. I drift back to sleep.
When I woke up, it was already 4 pm I had slept a lot after finishing a good book, freshening up, I went to have something for myself, and then again engrossed myself in reading...
Things have been going well today. I got no calls from my father, and I'm not thinking about it either, which is a pretty good achievement. I was in my thoughts when I heard a knock on the door, "Beta, mujhe ek bat krni thi apse agar ap gussa na ho tou?" I heard Chachu, still not coming inside my room, just asking for my permission. (Translation: Sweetheart, I want to talk to you about something if it's okay.)
It feels good to have some personal space. It feels good when others respect the boundaries you set.
"Come inside, my handsome chachu. I won't get mad at you for anything. Come, please," I voiced out, still with the book in my hand, leaning on my chair.
"Well, my little warrior, I was thinking if you- like it's all up to you, okay, but I was thinking if you want to join university again? Please don't take it negatively, but meri pyari beti, I want to see you independent, I want to see you standing up in front of your father like a warrior, you mean a lot to your Chachi and me, and we both want to support you towards your future goals."
I felt him being nervous while initiating this conversation with me, as the university has a lot of memories that I don't want to open up to again. Chachu is right, too. I need to make myself something, I need to make myself feel worthy, and I need to stand up for myself too...
"Chachu, I will think about it, and thank you for the concern. I appreciate it." I said, giving a small nod with a little smile, to which he nodded back, patting my head, and moved out of the room.
After a whole day's stay in the room, my body started to crave fresh air, so I took my car keys and made my way out of the room, informing Auntie about my little outing...
Roaming around the city with a dazzling car that attracts attention from others is what I have grown used to, too. Glancing at my phone, I found it was already 9 p.m.
Just as I took another glance at my phone, just to see it was Friday today, making up my mind to make my way towards the Seaview side to meet Ashar, to see what I could do there, I roared the engine, driving away...
As I took the route of Do Darya to reach Seaview, I found it already crowded. I hadn't reached Seaview, and I could already see people excited, roaring, enjoying, pulling the front door glass down. I looked through the crowd, calling a young kid near me.
"What's going on here?" I asked out of curiosity.
"Racing, sister, it's time for bike racing here, and soon, at midnight, car drifting will be happening too. Are you here to join that with this dazzling car?" The young boy said, looking at my car with sparkling eyes.
"Oh, no, I will not join the race, but I'm here to look for Ashar. I might change my mind, though."
"You are looking for Ashar bhai! He's getting ready for racing with his brother. He might not be able to meet you right now, but if you want, I can convey your message to him." I looked at him and thought about the question; maybe it'll be better.
"Oh yes, tell him that the girl he met yesterday at Seaview came to meet him and wanted to see racing, but I will be back here at midnight to watch car racing and drifting, though, so tell him to meet me right here if possible," I said while looking at the front, where I could see some bikers getting ready.
"OK, sister, I will convey your message to him. Bye." He ran away after responding.
I waited for some minutes there to see the bikers getting on their bikes and self-starting their bike while the crowd cheered for them. I proceeded to start my car and drove to a silent place to read my new book.
Parking my car in front of the coffeehouse, I went inside and ordered a cup of coffee and waited for it to be prepared, while it was being prepared I observed my surroundings, this little spacious café has such a beautiful interior with a peaceful environment, that made me think about how silent I have gotten too, taking my coffee I went towards my car and got in, and went to find a safe and peaceful place to read my book in silent.
I soon parked my car and started reading my new book, Shatter Me. I found myself engrossed in the book; it was already too late at night that I didn't realize the time.
Sipping my hot coffee that had turned cold, I took another sip when I found the cup empty. I took my phone and looked at the time. It was already 2 am, keeping my phone in between the book as a bookmark, I drove towards the Seaview side again.
I saw the once crowded place even more crowded, well, I guess people do not sleep but stay here all day long, just then I remembered I'm one of those people too... stupid Hayat… I need to stop judging people.