Pestering, pestering, and pestering. The ultimate result after finishing my work was waiting for Ed to pick me up. I wanted to get over this dinner thing and also bloody catch up like the old days. Why is everything turning into annoyance one way or another? If I entered my flat, that bastard would always get on my nerves. To divert my mind, if I started checking my cell, there would be too many notifications from Ed Bastard.
Ed finally parked his car in front of me. By taking a long breath, I entered his car, and the car started moving. We started conversing about random stuff. I felt terrible and awkward. Out of my eight friends, I was very close to Ed. He had shared everything with me, or I think so, about his family, how they were leading a terrible life, and so on. I felt sympathetic; without giving a second thought, I had helped him a lot, of course, without expecting anything. And I didn't get the same treatment. I couldn't act as if everything was just fine, and no matter how close we were in the past, there was awkwardness.
Ed has grown financially. His Bentley car was screaming the same, and so were two other cars that were following us. Where was he working, and what possible designation was he in? There were such drastic changes in his life, which were shocking. I didn't question any of this, which was not my business. My agenda today is to get over this dinner, and that's it.
It was past 20 minutes, and still, the car was moving. At some point, the car started moving toward the outskirts. For the past few days, I have gone through so many shitty situations, and I couldn't help myself from gulping down. The AC was still running, and I removed the first two buttons of my shirt. I started praying this dinner thing should not turn out to be anything else; for fuck's sake, please, I need a goddamn break.
"We could have had dinner in any nearby fancy restaurant. Don't you think we are going too far just to have dinner?" "I have purchased a bungalow recently, and I want to show it to you. Dinner has already been arranged; in only a few minutes we will reach." If this is a fucking show-off, then yeah, let him enjoy this one time, as there won't be any next time, and I am fucking making sure of it.
Finally, the car stopped in front of the big gate, and once the gate was open, the car started moving and stopped in front of a giant mansion. It was awesome; it was a really huge bungalow. As we got out of the car, I gasped from everything. How rich was he? Damn, how much could a person earn over five bloody years? Once again, so many well-equipped guards caught my attention. Why the hell does he need so many guards? It was beyond me, and I should once again fucking blame myself for giving in.
By seeing my state, a chuckle escaped from Ed. "So, Gray, do you like it? If we had come in the daytime, you would have loved it." "It's a big one, and yeah, awesome." "Thanks, Gray." He started moving. I was following him.
We were in the garden area, and he gestured for me to take a seat. He started pouring drinks for both of us, and I started sipping the same. "So, Gray, are you impressed by seeing everything?" By sipping the drink, I nodded my head. "How much, Gray?" "What do you mean?" "I mean, have I impressed you to the level where you can spend a night with me?" "Where the hell was this going, Ed? I fucking cleared it if I fucking remembered loud and clear, right?" "Well, yeah, and did I imply any relationship shit? One-night stand, Gray. For spending my youthful years on you, don't you think that at least I could deserve a night with you?" "Will you stop, like, seriously? I am not interested in anything for fuck's sake." "Yeah, till today, you were only interested in one guy and wanted everything with him." Why the hell was this conversation headed toward Joshua? Why the hell will he always bring him up? "I am done. I don't want this bullshit dinner thing; I want to go back. Are you going to drop me off, or shall I get my drive?" "Relax, will you? Why are you angry when my every word is true?" "Ed, enough is enough. Will you drop me back?" "Did I bring you over here just to drop you back? Oh god, unbelievable?" "What the fuck do you mean?" "Well, nothing. I won't force you; relax, will you? Sip your drinks. It was an offer to let time pass. I am waiting for one bastard to show up; he will any time. So, chill, Gray." "What the hell is going on, Ed?" "Again, chill, will you? Trust me, you will come to know in any minute." With that, he poured another drink for me. What the hell was happening to me these days? Who the hell was he waiting for? Yet again, I know the answer and don't want to admit it.
After a few minutes, the cars started entering the gate. "Speaking of the devil, he is here. I know where to push the fucking button to get a response. I guess I should be thankful to you." From one of the cars, Joshua got down, followed by his armed guards. He made his way to where we were, and his cool posture was fucking irritating me. What the hell was happening? When the hell was I going to get a break from every bastard on this planet?
Joshua joined us. He poured a drink for himself and started sipping it. Acting so casually was irking me. After taking his time, he spoke. "What the hell are you doing, Ed?" "What do you think, bastard?" "Why did you bring Gray over here? Why the hell are you involving him?" "Again, what do you think, fucking bastard?" "Ed." This tone was low and soothing. "Knock it off, and I mean it." Ed was enraged by throwing his glass; he was standing and fuming. Joshua continued sipping and was in his own thoughts.
"Don't involve Gray again." "And tell me the fucking way to grab your attention. Trying, trying, I am fucking exhausted." "You need time to think and to overcome everything." "And do you think that's fucking easy?" Ed started crying. "What the hell was going on?" By wiping his tears hastily, Ed spoke. "Right, Josh, what the hell was fucking going on? Please answer Gray." "Ed." "Let me answer you, Gray. I brought you because I was head over heels for you once upon a time, and I wanted to taste you." "Don't fucking spout, Ed. Can't you understand why I am avoiding you?" "No, I can't, and it fucking hurts, bastard." And again, he started crying.
Josh got up from his seat and made his way to where Ed was. By grabbing him, he kissed his forehead. Ed was not able to control his tears. "It fucking hurts. I am trying, but I can't get over you. You avoiding me is only driving me crazy, and I am doing every shitty thing to grab your attention." Ssshhhh again, he was kissing Ed's forehead. "Josh, give me a chance. Don't you think I deserve a fucking chance for all those years?" "Ed, I am sorry I can't reciprocate your feelings. Not today, not tomorrow, and not any fucking day in the near future. I can't see you this way, Ed; it fucking hurts so much I can't explain it to you. You know me better. I can't enter this shit no matter how hard you try or with anyone else. I am the way I am—a heartless bastard. You don't deserve to go through this because of me. You mean a lot to me, a lot. Get over me, and I mean it. I am giving you time; please utilize this and don't come up with these shitty things to grab my attention. Ok?"
Ed nodded his head, and once again, Joshua kissed his forehead. "Good, take a rest. I am tired. I need to get back." "Josh, it hurts like hell. Please, can't we try?" "No, I know nothing good is going to happen if we give it a try. I don't want to give you any false hope. You will get over it. See, didn't I, by whatever shit happened in the past? Give it time, Ed, and please try sincerely. I don't want to see you this way, never again." Ed's head was on Joshua's chest, and Joshua was soothing Ed back. "Every word, I mean it, Ed. I don't want to see you this way; better this be the last time, ok?" Again, he nodded his head. By kissing one last time on Ed's forehead, Joshua grabbed my hand, and we made our way to the car. There was so much pain on Joshua's face, too.
I didn't get any answers, and my mind was in a state of chaos with a series of questions. There was much, much, much more, and I am not going to like any of it. Good luck to me, I guess.
We were in the car, and he looked gloomy. That doesn't mean I am going to give a damn and stop myself. "What was that?" "Hmmm." "Don't get on my nerves, and I fucking mean it. What the hell was that? What the fuck is going on?" "I was avoiding him. He wanted to grab my attention, and yeah, he used you." "Ok, why the hell were you avoiding him, and why the hell was he desperate to reach you?" "Gray, we were fuck buddies, and he started to develop feelings." "Fuck buddies? Good to hear. You are fucking not only behind my back with my sister, but with Ed, too. I bet even more, right? He averted his eyes immediately. Like, seriously, was he ashamed?
"From when everything started with Ed?" "From the age of 12." I was shocked. He knew Ed way before. "Exactly what started from 12?" "Fucking Gray." Again, I was dumbstruck. "What, at the age of 12?" He was staring at me with annoyance. "No one fucking waits till 17 to get their first orgasm and 18 to lose their virginity, Gray." That only made me enraged. "Hey, fucker, knock it off, understood? You knew Ed way before." "Yeah, he was Thomas's son and was the one giving every update about you and your family. He was close to you because of me." "Thomas?" "My fake dad. He was the one who helped our family a lot when my dad left this country, and yeah, for obvious reasons, we became close. It all started with jerking each other, and one thing led to another. Yeah, he developed feelings." "Till today, you were fuck buddies." "Not till today, but till a few months back. When he was unbearable, I gave him a break to get over whatever he had developed."
I started counting the years. 10, no. 12, no, no, 13 fucking years. My few years with this bastard were nothing in front of Ed. Fucking 13 years, they were fuck buddies. "For thirteen years, you are constantly fucking each other, and you expect not to develop fucking feelings, like seriously." "It worked out with me. Why not with him? God fucking is fucking. Why the hell make a big deal out of it?" "Hey, bastard, 13 fucking years." "Yeah, so what? I don't know why everyone was making a big deal out of it, and it was not my mistake." "Yeah, yeah, zip it, bastard. You are fucking heartless." "Jeez, we had a deal." "For fuck's sake, something can't be controlled. Thirteen years of fucking will mean something." "Again, it was not my mistake; I was clear from my side." "Yeah, yeah. So, were you fucking three people or more at a time?" Let's change the topic." "Don't tell me you are ashamed." By clearing his throat. "With your sister, I wanted to try once, and after that, it was all her work." "You know, there is something called a heart. You know it's on the left side. Clearly, you don't have one, and you should fucking consult the doctor. The most important question is, "How come you are fucking still alive?" "Why the hell is everyone making a big deal out of it? Give me a fucking break." "Yeah, right. Still fucking thirteen years. Unbelievable." "Gray, get over it. Fucking is fucking. I didn't catch any feelings, and that's not fucking my mistake." "Yeah, yeah, yeah."
With that, I was done. I could feel every ounce of what Ed was going through, and my feelings were nothing. Thirteen years for once, at least he didn't feel anything toward Ed. How the hell was it even possible? How the hell is fucking just fucking? How do you fuck each other without catching anything for thirteen fucking years? The more I thought, the more my head was spinning. How can anyone be heartless? There was a series of hows, and I couldn't find answers to any of them. Everything felt suffocating. Ed and I were in the same boat. Ed didn't have any feelings; he used emotional touch to reach Joshua. Just fucking great.
And my mind was on the recent developments that had taken place, and I started to freak out.
We reached the apartment, and I made my way to the room. I was lying on the bed, but this annoyance started to torture me, so I made my way to the bathroom. I badly needed a shower. I was in the shower, and after a few minutes, I felt Joshua's presence. Before I could do anything, he hugged me. His head was on my shoulder, and one of his hands was on my waist. I gave a break to every annoying thought. His hold over me was killing me. I can't let this continue. I can't go with the flow.
After getting freshened up by changing, I was sitting on my bed. "Did you have dinner? You must be hungry; shall I prepare something?" "Don't fucking talk to me, ok? I need to sleep. Get the hell out of my room." With that, I was in bed, sleeping opposite where he was standing. Why the hell will he let me be as I was? Again, he was beside me, hugging me tightly; his head was on the crook of my neck, inhaling my scent. I wanted to cry for many reasons, but I didn't. Strangely, I didn't feel like throwing him out of the room. I am all fucking talk, no action.
The next day, when I woke up, Joshua was already up, and I made my way to the washroom. Today was my day off. After getting freshened up, I made my way to the hall and grabbed a chair. He was in front of the laptop. "I need you to get out of my flat." He took his eyes off the screen and met mine. "We talked about it, Gray. Only a few more months, and I will be out." "It's been months together, and you staying over here started to suffocate me." "Come on, I will keep my word. Bear with me a few more months." "I am not getting it. You have so many fucking options; why the hell are you bothering me? Clearly, I am stating that I am fucking not liking your staying here." "Gray, a few more months, I promise."
Annoyance was erupting, and I was exhausted from everything. I gave up. I was resting my head and controlling these urges that were cascading. Joshua started walking toward me. He was on me, he wrapped his hands around my neck, and we were facing each other. He started kissing my lips. After a few minutes' break again, he started kissing me, followed by many more.
"Don't overthink things." Kiss. "Live in the present; don't give a damn about what happened or what is going to happen." Kiss. "I don't want yesterday's incident to affect you in any way." Kiss. "I am this way, Gray, and don't expect any changes in me." Kiss. "I tried; trust me, I did." Kiss "I couldn't change." Kiss. "I don't know why." Kiss. "A few things, I can't help it." Kiss. "Expectation kills." Kiss. "Accept me the way I am." Kiss. "I can't let go of you, not anymore."
With that, he started kissing me very hard. That was a mixture of everything. Love, care, annoyance, anger, and frustration. It took a few seconds to reciprocate, but I did. He kissed all over my face, and we ended up in bed.