There comes a time where everyone has to directly choose how they want to proceed with their life, where their choices going forward are thrust right in front of their faces, and whether or not it is the choices they would have loved to make, it is one they would have to make.
That was the crossroads Kusaka found himself at.
He was being faced with choices he never knew he would have to make.
Upon graduating, his choices, even limited, were options he had steeled himself to make. His prospects as a Shinigami were limited but were still better than most. Sure he wouldn't ever be a Captain due to the weirdness of his and Tōshirō's Zanpakutō but he would still be a valued Shinigami under Captain Uchiha in the 2nd Division.
Except now even that option was gone. Where once he had entertained fanciful thoughts of unparalleled might and public respect, now he was faced with the verdict of death and his choices once more narrowed even further.
Just for a chance at escaping death, the cheapest thing he would lose was his identity. Regardless of his choices after today Kusaka was dead, and if he took the only olive branch offered to him then he would remain dead till the day he died. His future was that of a perpetual mask.
He wasn't much aggrieved with his choices when the knowledge of the flip coin of that choice was Tōshirō. It was either him or his best friend, and if he was being pragmatic then Tōshirō fully deserved it as it was him who first had Hyōrinmaru as his Zanpakutō.
"He would hate you for this, you know. Even if he understands, he will still hate you."
"Then it is of no issue. Better that than me failing to keep my word." The foggy crow perched in the corner of his cell replied.
How it had gotten in or could converse with him in a cell with a Reiatsu seal on it was something Kusaka didn't know, couldn't understand, and frankly wasn't that much interested in. He was here. That was good enough.
Kusaka chuckled, a pained one. "He's going to crawl into his shell for the next few years. Well he's got Momo and the others so he won't get stuck in his head for too long."
All it took was a moment to realize that all the hopes and aspirations he had for the future, for his future, were now dead and gone. Whatever fun memories he had been looking forward to with his friends, they would happen but he would no longer be in that memory.
"Damn, this feels worse." He muttered to himself. All it took was a single moment and with it he lost everything he once had. His identity, his friends, his future, his name, his Zanpakutō – all it took was a moment for him to lose everything.
The only options he had – save his life and lose everything else or lose his life along with everything else. It felt more like wearing the least heavy chain around his neck but that didn't mean he would be ungrateful. He could understand very well that this was Itachi's only way of saving his life.
His teacher could remain stubborn and say that this was only so he didn't have to break his word but Kusaka would take goodwill with gratefulness.
"Have you made your choice?" The crow asked.
Kusaka couldn't help but scoff, a little bitterness creeping up his heart before he could stifle it. "Is that what this is? Choices?"
"Choices are what we make of them. Right now these are the only available paths opened for you."
"… yeah, I guess so." He turned towards the crow with a brittle smile on his face, his fears still lingering in the edges of his eyes. "Get me out of here, Captain."
.
...
.
After that everything proceeded without much fanfare. The very next day Tōshirō was forced to fight against Kusaka in a duel to death and despite not wanting to win, or even fight, Central 46 interrupted the fight after it was clear that Kusaka was losing and executed the boy in front of a distraught Tōshirō.
They forced him not to speak of it or else he would follow and despite wanting to scream out of his lungs and pierce through one of the old leaders, his body was too weak in shock to react.
The only thing that remained in his head, other than his murderous urge, was the memory of the smile on Kusaka's face and his last words to him.
It kept replaying in his head so much so that he could almost see an exact replica of the scene in the corner of his vision.
He just killed his best friend, he was in no position to do anything else and he almost broke out a relieved smile when the entire sham finally ended.
"Shinigami Tōshirō Hitsugaya, you are dismissed."
He dragged his foot eagerly, with all the weakness his body could muster, and took his body away from the compound and its pudgy air.
The clouds outside looked grey, too grey even, but he could still feel the heat of the sun. At least that was one thing he could be thankful for.
That was how days turned into weeks, weeks into months, and Rangiku's constant whining, until one day the 'official' news reached him.
His classmate Kusaka had died on a mission.
He laughed. He laughed so hardly that his throat burned and his lungs dried up. It was that easy, so laughably easy that no one else would be shaken by it because it was normal.
Rangiku who had brought him the message had looked at him with the barest hint of dried up sorrow in her eyes and told him not to be shaken, and that it happens. It was sad, almost feels unfair, but it happens – those were her exact words.
They had hurt more than anything else and not because she had meant it to hurt but because of the irony of it, that he was the reason why Kusaka was dead and not some upstart Hollow.
She'd given him some space after that but that may have turned out to be a bad idea.
He'd left his station and the barracks of the 10th Division under the pretext of clearing his head, which was as true as excuses went, but in hindsight maybe he should have stayed around Rangiku a little bit more.
His head was pounding as he swayed left and right, trying to walk straight but failing all the same so he quickly gave up and followed any direction his feet pointed him at.
The world kept changing colors and sounds around him but his mind kept coming back to Rangiku's words.
The worst part of it all was that his classmates believed it. They would even take it as a cautionary tale because that was all Kusaka amounted to, an unfortunate warning.
So he kept walking with his head low and his thoughts deep, and all that churned out was a mire of deep loathing and hatred and sadness and despair because for the second time in his life he was reminded just how powerless he truly was. The second experience would have been enlightening if he wasn't so desolate.
A hand held his shoulder from behind and jolted him from his dark thoughts as he raised his head to see that he was going into an area he didn't have the clearance for. That at least sobered him up.
Only for it all to dissipate when he saw who held his shoulders.
"You," his head went blank as he could only stare at what his brain was trying to tell him was a foreign image.
And then rage bloomed.
"YOU!"
The outlet his soul had been looking for for months now was suddenly supplied to him and it willingly let him vent to his heart's content.
Ice and frost and cold winds blew over where they stood and his Zanpakutō, once in its scabbard, now shone with a deadly gleam in his hands.
He attacked Itachi with all the rage that had been bottled up in his heart for months.
"YOU LIAR!" he sent a hail of ice surging towards Itachi who calmly avoided it by jumping back, unknowingly stoking more rage in Tōshirō.
"WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? YOU SAID IT WOULD BE ALL RIGHT! LIAR!"
He attacked again, this time freezing the ground around them and making ice spikes burst up from the frozen ground while also making a barrage of spikes rain down from above.
Itachi, never moving forward, kept dodging, flitting like a feather in the wind.
"WHY DID YOU LIE!" A cold fog burst forth from Tōshirō's mouth and covered the entire street.
A crowd of Shinigami had appeared all over them but none moved upon seeing the state of the confrontation.
"WHY!" The sound inside the fog was muted but they all heard Tōshirō's anguished screams and also the explosion of ice that burst out from it.
Explosions, ice and hail rained down with tempestuous fury… until it didn't.
A cold wind blew out and the fog receded to reveal Itachi holding Tōshirō in his arms.
"Take him to the 10th Division." Was all he said after passing Tōshirō to the nearest Shinigami before leaving.
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