Standing in front of the mirror in my bathroom, I take off my hair towel and start to blow dry my hair. I take off my bathrobe and wear my school uniform. Then apply serum, moisturizer, and a little bit of sunscreen. My hairs reach my mid back as I decide to keep them open since they are still wet. I don't like to dry my hair completely. And I am running late so I don't have the time to blow dry for 30 minutes. But I have spare rubber bands and hair pins in my school bag so no worries. Looking at myself in the mirror for the last time, I am about to leave when I notice my bruised hands. I applied ointment so it's not hurting as bad as it was yesterday. My friends won't notice that much, they will but they know I keep getting bruises every day so they won't think much about it. I hope Jason doesn't dig deep into it though. Shaking off my thoughts, I leave the bathroom and quickly pick up my bag from my chair as I head downstairs.
"Are you not gonna have breakfast??"
My father asks me as I stop a few feet away from the doorstep. I turn to him and shake my head.
"No. I am late."
"Well, you should wake up early then. I have told you, to wake up at 4:00, it's the best time for students." My eyes almost roll but I manage to keep them straight. I just stand there silently because I have absolutely nothing to say to this everyday shit. They pretend they care but they don't know a fucking thing about me and what I am going through. If only they could understand, if only they could be supportive, if only they could trust me. They are never there when I am studying late at night destroying my health. They are never there when I am crying when I am breaking into pieces. They were never there. I hate them. But maybe I am the problem. I am the worst daughter anyone could ask for. I am not good at anything, not cooking, not studying, nothing. I am worth shit.
"When someone is speaking to you, you have to answer! Do YOU understand?!"
He yells as I just look at him, stare at him, and don't say a word or move a muscle. After about a minute of this, I turn my heels and leave.
The bus must be waiting for me. I need to hurry up there or I will miss it.
....
"Dude, how did your test go?"
Laura asks me as soon as the teacher leaves after collecting our tests. I feel like crying. I studied so fucking hard for this test. All night, I didn't even sleep for a minute. And I am sure I still managed to fail physics. Damnit. Damnit. Damnit! Without giving her any response I head out of the classroom and rush to the female restroom. I sigh when I find it empty. Immediately I rush to the sink and start slamming my palms on it fiercely and rashly as it starts hurting me so much but despite the enormous physical pain my tears still escape. They start coming out like a waterfall, but I don't make a single noise. I continue to slam my palms against the sink until I feel it's too much to bear. I look at my hands and more tears escape noticing how I messed up my already messed up hands. You fucking need them for writing notes and doing tests. Stop torturing them you bitch.
A FEW MINUTES LATER
I look at my eyes and smile when I see them back to normal. Looking down at my hands, I sigh seeing them red. But it's ok, they won't notice. I gaze at the small wall mirror in front of me and then turn my heels to the left to exit and go back to class. I am about to reach the handle when it twists itself and someone else opens it instead.
"Alex? Why are you here? How did the test go?"
Kate asks with a slight smile as I smile at her and say in a playful annoyed tone.
"That Mr. Robinson is such a cruel monster. I studied all night and look what he did! Such a difficult ass test paper!" She chuckles but then says with a pout.
"Yea. I studied hard too but oh well. I hope I will at least pass. What about you?"
"No idea dude." She just laughs because she thinks I am kidding. I wish I was.
"Let's go. Mrs. Liam is gonna be in the class anytime now."
"Yea ok," I reply as we both head to our class at a dashing speed.
We both enter the class giggling and laughing and then spot our other friends at the back. Cool. Today we are going to sit in the back, I guess.
"Alex! Where the hell did you go, bro?"
"Just to the restroom. I had an urgent business." They all nod in understanding but just then my eyes land on Jason and my smile disappears when I see him glaring at me. I gulp and look anywhere but at him. Fuck, he knows. How did he even....when did he see it... ugh fuck.
"Alex...." He says in an angry voice, and I already know what's coming. But please, no.
"You are not sitting with me today." I groan but he doesn't give a shit and picks up my bag from beside his seat and keeps it way back.
"Oh Alex! Come I saved you a seat." Scott says but I look at Jason's figure at the back,
"Jayyy....." I whine but he just glares at me sharply and then doesn't bother to glance at me again, forget talking.
He won't even look at me, ugh that jerk. How am I supposed to explain to him? It's not that easy for me to just stop it. I know he is hurt because of what I did but I am too. I sigh and grumpily go back to sit between Scott and Kate. Laura, Alessia and Gracie and sitting together. Jason is sitting all alone at the end of the class.
'I am sorry, I say in my mind thinking it will magically be heard by Jason. I look at his back, but he is just looking to the front as our teacher enters and starts to teach.
"Why do you look so dull? How did the test go?"
Laura asks me in a whisper, turning back to me, while I just sigh and give her a shrug.
"It's ok. Chilll! You know I think I probably failed the test." She says making me laugh as I shake my head looking at her.
"We both know you are lying. Physics is like.... your jam."
"Yeah, but you are a genius, Alex. You think too low of yourself. Don't." I take a breath and smile at her as I nod.
"Watcha girls talking about?" Scott whispers completely coming over me. This prick.
"Probably how the teacher will send you out of class when I tell her you are bothering me by climbing over me." He scoffs and backs away letting me breathe. Seeing his sulky face, Laura and I start chuckling and then she faces forward gossiping with Gracie and Alessia, not paying attention to the math lecture. But I do.
...
Heading back to my house, I pause in the driveway when I see there is another car in front of our house. Shit. I am in no mood for guests.
I open the door with the spare keys my parents have given me and try to be as quiet as possible, so no one notices me. And to my luck, I managed to reach my room safely since the door of the living room was closed. They must be some important guests. Kate is going to come over today as we decided to study together to prepare for finals. But if these guests will be here too long, I might have to go to hers. Jason is still mad at me and won't let me get close to him, forget anything else. Changing into comfortable jeans shorts and a white tee I lay down on my bed to relax and watch an episode of "Sam and Colby". These horror and traumatizing videos are the only source of comfort for me at the house. I know...I am weird. I get that a lot.
"So, what have I got to do for tomorrow?" I ask myself aloud as I prepare my bag to pack the required things. Oh right, there is a math test tomorrow...shit, another sleepless night. I have no idea how long I am going to be able to not sleep. Swinging my bag across my shoulders, I head out of my room hoping the guests are gone. But they are not. I sigh and contemplate what to do next. Should I let my parents know? Well, I of course already asked them about it yesterday. And they were ok with it since it's about study. If I can say anything at all, my parents are strict. And I don't want to take any chance of getting scolded by them for nothing. My hand stops a few inches away from the closed door. No, I can't knock and go in to greet the unknown guests. I would prefer getting scolded. Fuck everything. I curse once last time in my mind and just leave the house after taking my keys with me. I will just call Mother with Kate's phone and let her know. Yep, I don't have a personal phone yet. Though I have a laptop. Sigh.
.....
"Well, she said you should have told me before," I say to Kate as she smiles.
"We knew the answer already. So, let's start?" I nod at her as we both settle on the big spacious couch and start to study. Her house is a little smaller than mine. Well for her it's home though. I know she has good relations with her family. She is the youngest too unlike me who is the oldest experimental jerk daughter presumably meant to teach her younger siblings good things only, and if they learn any bad shit, it probably came from me as if I went to them and asked them to misbehave with their parents. You get it, you get it.
...
AT NIGHT
8:00 PM
Unlocking the front door, I step in and move to my room as I keep my things over there. Washing my face and all, I head downstairs because I am hungry. Kate had beef meatballs and beef roast at her home as dinner and I do not eat beef. I do eat chicken though but that's the only meat I eat at all. I don't know. The rest don't appear appetizing to me.
"Hello. I am back." I say aloud as they all look at me and nod except my brother who is on his tablet watching YouTube or whatever.
"Hi. You are on time. Did you eat anything?" My father asks me as I shake my head.
"Not really. What's for dinner?" I ask this time to my mother as she looks at me from the kitchen aisle while setting the plates.
"Well, I have made chicken spaghetti and salad." A smile comes over my face as I hop to the aisle and start placing things with her.
"What did you study then?" Her question makes me halt for a second, but I continue to set the table. I say without looking at her.
"Well, math and physics. We are preparing difficult topics."
I can't see her, but I know she didn't react to my reply in any way. It makes me sigh but not aloud. I keep the napkins and then yell.
"Come have dinner ya'll."
.....