He would have liked to have her change back fully, to be more comfortable, but he wasn't sure she would calm enough before Thomas woke and his manor was a full day's ride away from the palace. He wanted her as far from the palace and her fiancée as he could get her before he awoke.
It was just barely evening, the sun having just gone down not long ago, when they started their ride and he continued till the moon was high in the sky.
His eyes were better than most, but he didn't want to tempt fate travelling through the woods at night, not with the small body pressed to his chest on the horse in front of him. Alone, he may have risked riding through the night, but not with her. He didn't want to scare her, should they run into danger that he would have to dispose of.
He guided his horse to a grove he knew of off the road and pulled the reins to a stop. He dismounted the horse and lifted his hand to her, to help her off.
"We need to camp for the night, we'll carry on to my manor tomorrow." He explained.
She looked around at the trees, seeming to be seeing anything for the first time since they left. She blinked, processing what he said slowly, before looking down at him. Her face had returned to mostly human and her size had started to return as well but her eyes and ears remained fox.
"Outside?" She asked, the first word she'd said since leaving her bedroom at the palace. Her voice betrayed a different kind of fear about the prospect of sleeping in the forest. She had been locked out of her father's house a few times as a child and it had been cold and miserable, but she had still been protected by the walls of his estate. Here there were no walls, only shadows and trees and a stranger that had shown her kindness, but perhaps it was all a ruse. Perhaps, he had brought her here to do something unspeakable.
She looked at his hand that he had offered to help her down. Her decision to trust him was made when she feared more about what he would think of her hybrid hand-paw taking his, than the thought of him murdering her.
"I have some camping equipment on me. You'll be warm and shielded, I'll be staying awake and keeping watch." He promised as she took his hand. She was surprised when he didn't react even a little to its grotesque shape. He helped her down and led her over to a tree to rest while he began setting up a small tent and a campfire
She sat on the ground by the tree, leaning against it, and pulled her knees up under her dress and hugged them. She watched him set up their camp with ease, wondering when a duke would have needed to sleep outside. It wasn't long till her bottom felt the cold of the dirt leaching into her body and she eagerly awaited the warmth of a fire.
"If you're staying awake, shouldn't we carry on till morning." She asked quietly, not sold on the safety of their tiny encampment.
"You and the horse both need proper rest. I'll be fine, I'm used to running on very little sleep." He explained pulling out a flint and striking it once at the tinder he'd collected. The fire erupted to life with a single spark, giving a soft light and warmth to the atmosphere. She was momentarily amazed at the ease he had with the flame before sinking back into apathy.
"I don't know if I can sleep." She mumbled, looking away from him to the fire. She was grateful he had set the fire up close enough to her to feel its heat bring back feeling to her body.
"Try. For me." He sat beside the tent. "You'll be perfectly safe." He assured, hoping she would cave to exhaustion.
She didn't move from her spot by the tree. She had hundreds of questions but she didn't think she could stomach the answer to them. She looked down at her hands, letting go of her legs to see their strange in between shape. She hated them. She hated every bit of orange fur that sprouted on her knuckles and the way her nails were black and sharpened into claws. She hated the way her thumb didn't move properly or the way her palms felt more calloused.
"Try to relax and you should be able to shift back." He said quietly, his eyes soft as he watched her. Her face held so much pain, anger and sadness as she looked at her hands that made him want to go to her but he kept his spot across from her through the fire.
"How would you know?" She didn't look up from her hands as she tightened them into the best fists they could manage.
He looked at her hesitantly for a moment, before taking a silent breath, "Because I'm like you." he said quietly.
She looked up at him now, over the sparks of the fire. Her eyes made the colours dance in ways they never did when she was completely human.
"You said that before. You lie to make me feel better. I'm possessed by a demon. It's been in me since I've been a child." She said it with no emotion. She was out of tears to cry and out of energy to care about being formal. He would hate her too, it was only a matter of time.
"You're not a demon." He nearly growled at the horrible name she kept using for herself. "You're a shifter. There's many of us out there. Besides being the Duke, I also lead the Clan of Wolves." He explained, his voice level as he spoke.
She watched him talk but didn't believe him. Why was he trying to make her feel better? She was a demon. She had no soul. It was just a fact. The priest had told her as much. She looked away from him to her hands again. The fur had started to disappear but the claws remained.
"I saw the way you looked at me in the bedroom… that disbelief… the way you pitied me." She shook her head. "You're lying." It wasn't an accusation. It was a statement. As much a fact as her being damned.
"I was in disbelief because you are a fox. They were supposed to be long extinct." He defended gently. "And, at how horribly you view your form. Foxes were said to have one of the most beautiful forms of all of us." He said it matter of factly and she snorted out a laugh with no humour.
"Beautiful." She said the word like it tasted sour in her mouth, like it was a curse in its own right. She lifted her deformed hand to show him it by the light of the fire.
"This is not beautiful. This is a joke from god. A damning to any soul I was supposed to have." She spit the words angrily but the emotion was not aimed at him. She hated herself and this supposed beautiful form she had. All she had ever wanted was for it to not be a part of her. Maybe then, she could have been a good daughter, known a good life, maybe even be courted by a bachelor looking for a good wife. She could have been normal. She could have been good. If only she hadn't been born a monster.
Atlas sighed and lifted his hand. He pressed his fingers to each of hers and shifted it into a large black paw. Her hand was insignificant in size next to his
"If you are cursed and damned, then I am too." He spoke softly, barely able to be heard over the cracking of the wood in the fire..
She froze, her eyes on their hands, or more accurately, their paws. She blinked once, squeezing her eyes shut then opened them, thinking it was a trick of her hellish eyes or the shadows around them, but no, his paw was still there, warm against the callused palm of her hand.
'You're …" She didn't know what she wanted to say to him, didn't know what needed to be said. A deep anguish was opening inside her like a bottomless pit.
"You're not lying…" She said it, but there was no joy in her words. All this time there was more.
"I would never lie to you, not about this." He said sympathetically. "Our world is vast and complex. There's much for you to learn, but not tonight. I won't overwhelm you." He shifted his hand back and the hand that now held her was smaller than the paw but still bigger than hers.
Pain showed on her face seeing how easy it was for him to put it away, to hide away the fur and claws like they had never been there. Her deformed hand remained, pressing against his and her eyes filled with sadness. She thought she had no tears left to cry but more came to the surface, her eyes watering. She wanted to pull away and hug herself but something else inside her wanted him to hold her more. It was a scandalous thought and she hated herself for daring to want comfort from anyone let alone a duke.
His heart constricted watching her face contort in emotional pain and he opened his arms to her, offering the invitation of comfort. She looked past her hand to him, the invitation into his arms was so alluring that it made her stay put. She wanted nothing more than to crawl over to him and bury her face in the material of his shirt, but the idea that it may all still be a trick kept her rooted by the tree. It could all be an elaborate plan to hurt her in some way she hadn't figured out yet, but then she saw his eyes.
The deep amber eyes looked at her and there was an expression in them she didn't know. A sadness, yes, but also something more. Something that was just for her. She'd seen that expression before on faces but so few of them had been for her. It was an expression that made her trust his invitation.
She pulled her hand away, to use it to help her scoot over to his side. She wouldn't climb into his lap even though she wanted to, desperately she wanted to. Instead she leaned into his side, under his open arm. He pulled her close and rubbed her arm gently. After a moment he took her hand in his. She instinctively wanted to pull it away, hide it, as to not ruin the moment but he held it so tenderly she hesitated.
"My mother used to do this when I struggled to shift back as a child." He began massaging her hand gently. Starting at the palm, he worked his fingers up each one of hers.
His touch was so soft against her hand. They had moments before had them pressed together, but this was different, more intimate, and it made her self conscious of the horror that was her hand. She thought again about pulling it away but stopped when she felt it. The talon of her index finger slipped away to become a fingernail again.
She felt her eyes well up as his hands gently went from finger to finger, bringing them back to human, switching hands till both were normal again. The fur disappearing and the joints made more sense, till in his grip was on her fair skinned human hands.
Her lip quivered and a single tear rolled down her cheek from her wide eyes. A gift. It was the single most tender thing anyone had ever done for her. Patiently helping her come back to herself.
"This is why I was angry before." He whispered, loud enough for only her ears. "If this side of you had been nurtured properly, you'd see it as a blessing, not a curse. It's such a shame, especially seeing how beautiful it was. And one day, I swear to you, you'll see yourself the way I do."
She pulled her hand away just for a moment to look at the skin, normal again, before looking up at him.
"Thank you…" She said it so softly, it almost got taken by the wind. Looking at him now was different, knowing there was a wolf under his skin as there was a demon under her's. She wanted to ask him so many questions but was unable to voice more than one.
"Was it… really not that horrible to see?" She dared to say it, expecting to be yelled at or hit. Any positivity she had ever shown to her demon form was always met with screaming or pain and she was surprised she dared to voice it now. But even as she grew nervous, he shook his head, smiling softly.
"No, quite the opposite. It was beautiful and I was honoured I got to witness such a rare sight."
"Beautiful…" She said the word again, only this time there was no disgusted laugh with it. The word seemed to be a statement and a question all at once, as if she both wanted and didn't want to believe him. She sighed out a breath and leaned against him, less stiff than before.
"Do you think you can try to sleep now?" He asked, eyeing the tent he had pitched a safe distance from the fire. She considered the small tent, not wanting to give up the warmth that his side provided, but nodded.
"I will try…" She said quietly but didn't move to get up. He waited a moment before speaking up.
"Do I need to carry you to the tent?" He asked teasingly, his mouth quirking up into a smirk. Her cheeks flushed red, coming back to the inappropriate nature of the situation. She was in a forest, alone with a stranger, no, a duke, leaning on him in such an intimate fashion when he was not to be her husband.
"N-no thank you." She stammered and pulled away from his side and got to her feet. She folded her hands together in front of her and kept her eyes down on the ground but faced him, trying to recapture her nobel role she always played.
"Thank you Duke, for everything." She said it formally. He nodded at her.
"You're very welcome." He said, and she turned to go to the tent.
"And Lady Dawn." He called and she paused, looking back at him. He had a soft smile on his lips. "Please, call me Atlas."
Her cheeks burned red and she did another sin towards formality. It was tentative and awkward but she smiled, grateful to him for all of it.
His breath caught in his throat seeing it but before he could say or do anything more, she had turned away. She crawled into the small tent with little grace and laid down to sleep. Thoughts, questions, and feelings raced in her head but she silenced them all in favour of slipping back into the void of her mind. It was safe there. There was no demon ears on her head there or demon eyes to look out of. There was no mysterious shifter world or nobility to impress.
The only thing that made her hesitate to slip into silent thoughtless sleep was that there would be no black haired duke with amber eyes and a wolf spirit there either.