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– Can you not do it with your mouth one time more, please?
A sentence spoken by Cloud that she overheard by chance.
Now, Neria knew she wasn't too smart, but she wasn't so stupid that she couldn't understand what that meant.
The reason last night was quiet wasn't because the two hadn't made progress.
Oral s*x.
The act of a woman pleasuring a man's genitals with her mouth.
For that reason, no sound reached Neria's room.
She didn't even know that, and she was consoling herself, full of hope.
Neria did not go down to the first floor.
Feeling sick, as if a load had stuck in her chest, she returned to her room, pulling the blanket over her. A cozy space that only she alone shared. It was as if she were disconnected from the cruel reality, and so she calmed down for a while, but that was only for a moment.
– Can you not do it with your mouth one time more, please?
His voice played in her ears.
Scenes conjured in her head.
Inside a dark room.
A flickering candle illuminating two figures.
Cloud siting on the bed, with Katarina kneeling in front of him.
– Cheup. Churup.
With a lewd undulation, Katarina's head bounced up and down. Cloud looked at her with loving eyes, warmth buoying in his gaze.
– Hoo… Haa… Cloud, you feel good..?
– Very good. Why, so good. Katarina, is it because you are doing it?
– Hah, really? Then I'll make it better than before for you.
Katarina bobbed her head harder than before.
A scene she'd never seen before.
A scene she'd never heard of.
She was imagining it so easily.
Her heart felt like it was about to burst.
She didn't want to imagine that scene. She would rather have her brain shut down.
She tried to erase it by pulling her hair. It didn't work.
Rather, the imagination weighted on her.
Katarina licking Cloud's thing while making obscene noises, and Cloud repeatedly mouthing how much he loved her.
'Stop… Please stop..!'
She didn't want to see.
She didn't want to hear.
Neither did she want to imagine.
However, the scene did not disappear.
Neria couldn't understand.
Why could she imagine a scene so vividly of which she was completely ambiguous to?
– Suck it straight, b!tch!
Then what she heard suddenly was not Cloud's gentle voice, but a grating male voice.
Only then did she realize why the poses of Cloud and Katarina in her imagination were so familiar.
At the same time, she felt a touch on her lips that she didn't want to recall.
– Cheuk…!
Unbearable disgust came over her.
Unbidden disgust.
She pulled her head out of bed and vomited, gastric juices lapsing out.
– Kkeuk…!
The more she retched, the clearer her memory became.
A mocking voice.
Eyes looking down at her. Condemning her lowliness.
Her feeling of powerlessness against him.
A disgusting feeling on her lips.
All of that.
– Uh… Kkeuk…Kuh…
Now not even gastric juice came out.
When she had nothing to vomit, the nauseousness that was engulfing her whole also stopped.
But even if the nauseating feeling vanished, it didn't ease her.
Shame and guilt.
The blades of two emotions ripped through her heart.
She called a name mournfully, wiping her tear-stained face.
– Cloud…
The name of the man she loves.
She wished to see him.
Look at his face and apologize. She wanted to be forgiven. Even if it meant getting on her knees and banging her head on the floor.
And it was something that could be done right away.
All she had to do was to meet him outside the room and act.
But she didn't.
How would he react if she suddenly stormed out to him, begging and crying?
He would probably be puzzled and ask why she was asking to be forgiven.
She would explain why and with a kind smile, he would forgive her easily.
Again she'd believe it and a smile would blossom in her heart.
Like a sicko.
It was not okay.
One word didn't change anything.
Feeling stung in her nose, Neria vomited the juices from the pit of her stomach and wrung out tears. When she was in so much pain, how much pain would he have been in?
How pained must he have been when he saw it with his own eyes.
– Sorry… I didn't know… I didn't know it would be this hard…
The day she met Cloud again.
Cloud wasn't angry with her nor did he scold her.
He just said he was glad they were back together and smiled.
So she thought it would be fine.
Even if it was awkward, she thought that it would be possible to go back to the way it was before. Before everything spiraled out of control.
Even when she overheard Cloud and Mars' conversation, she believed it would only make it a little longer.
She just didn't realize how selfish she was being.
– Sorry…
And now, no matter how many times she was to mouth a sorry, it wouldn't reach him.
Wouldn't touch.
Because that word would bring him back to the nightmare of that day once again.
The pendulum of guilt that hung heavy from her heart was the karma she would have to carry with her for the rest of her life.
…in fact, if she were to leave him, maybe she would easy the load on Cloud.
He surely felt pained every time she entered his vision.
But Neria… she couldn't leave his side.
For Neria, Cloud was everything in her life.
From the past to the present.
Without him, she would fall apart.
She was terribly afraid of it, so she couldn't leave him.
A selfish, ugly coward.
That was who was she.
"Are you both ready?"
Cloud's voice broke her thoughts.
So much had happened. And so much had zoomed past in a blur. And she soon found herself standing in the dance hall of the collapsed palace.
Looking straight ahead, she scanned the beautiful woman with long, scarlet hair that reminded her of a beautiful sunset.
Katarina.
She was wearing her light clothes and had a tense expression while holding her long, curved saber.
What was so special about this woman?
So special that Cloud pledged her as his lover?
Would the outcome had been different if she was in her place?
She was curious, mystified and puzzled. So, when the chance came, she grabbed it with both hands.
"I am ready!"
"I'm ready too."
With Katarina and Neria nodding, Cloud affirmed.
"Start."
As the match began, Katarina took a big step forward, rotating her body on the axis of her foot. With a light movement like a butterfly spreading her wings, she bolted toward Neria.
Neria stood still and waited as the beautiful and splendid sword dance approached.
When she reached close range, Katarina charged faster than she had been showing.
A surprise side cut.
– Kang!
Neria raised her shield to block it off.
Even though her first attack was hindered cleanly, Katarina was unfazed. Because she hadn't assumed it would work in the first place. She rotated her body to the right and swung the curved edge opposite hers.
– Kang!
This one was also blocked by the shield.
Katarina jumped high on her haunches and pushed her momentum behind the slash. Neria swung her shield and knocked it away, off the trajectory. Neria had the upper hand in the power struggle, so Katarina, being wise in her reflexes, somersaulted off on the push.
'Neria is stronger than me. I have to go with speed and skill rather than strength.'
Katarina ran toward Neria, holding her breath.
[Wolf Dance]-!
Like wolves surrounding a prey, Katarina moved about Neria, taking her as the radius of her circles.
She didn't put her weight into the maneuvers. All she wanted was speed. One step at a time, one leap at a time. A skilled dancer's sword dance attacked Neria.
As the saber pointed downward, Neria hopped on a leg to avoid it. As soon as she lifted her leg, a sudden shift and the saber was aiming for her head.
– Kang!
She blocked it with her shield.
Even before the ringing of the saber against the shield had quietened, the curved edge that aimed at her lower end was pointed at the back of Neria's head this time. Even that was blocked by Neria, as she at end moment slipped her stance.
Although none of her attacks went through, Katarina smiled.
One of Neria's feet hadn't touched the ground yet.
In other words, her next attack would have to be blocked and not dodged.
Katarina jumped high and swung on her side. She turned her body and spun her two sabers around like a spinning top.
Neria held out her shield towards the top of the blades that could slash through even ferocious beasts.
– Kagagang!!!
The curved sabers screeched as if it were about to punch through the shield, and sparks flew everywhere.
Contrary to the clamor, however, Neria was not pushed back in the slightest, and Katarina, who had landed, had to step back a couple of steps.
'Doesn't work whatsoever?'
Not even made her bat an eye.
That much of a difference?
Katarina sensed her impatience and bit her lips.
'Let's take it a notch up.'
[Bear Dance]-!
Heavy blows like a bear's paws rained down on Neria.
Neria, who blocked it with her shield, thought in bafflement.
'Is she kidding?'
The [Butterfly Dance], which showed swift footwork, and the [Wolf Dance], swinging sabers teething all around the enemy.
Katarina's sword dance, with her irregularity added to it, was excellent.
However, Neria, who defeated eight knights altogether, was not slightly impressed.
[Bear Dance] that was to break the posture of opponents with its heavy combo attack.
Perhaps because of the difference in levels, it didn't feel very heavy to Neria.
Even if Katarina was of the same level, she wouldn't have felt threatened. As heavy as her attacks were, her peculiarity was missing, making it simple. The trajectory of her sword was clearly visible.
'…this can't be all.'
Katarina probably wasn't showing everything because it was a probe battle.
Neria pushed Katarina away with her shield, giving her time to catch her breath.
She hoped that Katarina would now show some sincerity in her attacks.
"Whoa…"
Katarina caught her breath.
She lunged at Neria again, and the ensuing attack…
There was nothing different from before.
'..?'
What was she doing?
Why was she attacking just like before?
As if she didn't know how it worked.
And if it was a joke, it wasn't at all funny.
Was it because Neria wasn't attacking in response?
So, Katarina still wanted to probe more?
Thinking that it might be, Neria decided to go a little aggressive. She twisted her body to avoid the curved sabers coming down her line of sight. Before Katarina could spin, she swung her shield towards her abdomen.
"Huh..!"
Hit in the stomach, Katarina backed away as she groaned in pain.
'…why didn't she avoid it?'
It wasn't like she had swung too fast.
It moved, matching accordingly to Katarina's level.
So why did she stumble back?
It felt like something was wrong with her.
Neria walked over to Katarina and drew her sword down at an angle. The moment she blocked the attack by crossing two sabers before her, Neria's foot kicked her in the stomach.
"Uck..!"
Unlike being hit with the shield, her kick was tolerable, Katarina froze still for a moment before moving again.
Her mesmerizing sword dance reached upon Neria.
Avoiding them, Neria frowned.
"…what."
She muttered speculatively
Because she couldn't understand.
Why was she getting hit by simple attacks?
If she had such good skills, why couldn't she use them properly?
She was Cloud's chosen woman.
Unlike her, Katarina had to be special.
Neria let go of her sword.
She punched Katarina, sending her stumbling back.
– Puck!
Katarina spluttered.
At that, Katarina came to her senses as well.
Even without a sword, she realized that the gap between her and Neria had not disappeared.
Her sword dance ensued again.
A raging storm of blades.
Neria's eyes were cold, looking at it.
She approached, blocking the storm of swords with her shield, and struck her in the side.
Ugh!
The storm of swords disappeared with Katarina's groan.
Neria frowned.
'Why is she getting weaker?'
Was it because of the pain from being beaten?
Or was it because she acknowledged the difference in their skills?
Katarina's eyes grew poisonous. She tightened her grip on the sabers.
A sword dance that she did not want to use in a match because it was too dangerous. She was left with no choice.
The air cooled down.
The murky aura of death wrapped around her and pressed against Neria's shoulders.
A gloomy pressure hovered in the air.
Signifying the sword dancer's grit.
[Dance of Death].
The sword that contained the thick curse turned into a dark black.
A cursed sword dance that prays for the death of the enemy.
Death bloomed splendidly and rushed toward Neria.
In the face of the approaching flower of death, Neria did not hesitate.
She even threw away her shield after her sword.
– Huung.
She twisted her head to avoid the sword tearing through the wind. The saber aiming at her shoulder blade was swatted away by her arm guard.
Avoiding what could be avoided, and buckling what was difficult to avoid.
As she repeated the series of movement, the dance of curse was over before she knew it.
Just that she hadn't thought it wouldn't even be able to chaff her skin.
The sword dancer's face was stained with despair. Seeing that, Neria clenched her fists.
'There's nothing different about her.'
– If you don't follow me, I will kill you and all your friends. Then the spirit of your foolish Hero will be broken, right? Even if he manages to overcome it and makes new allies, I will kill them again. Until the Hero you love loses his mind.
A threat from Gis.
As if to prove that it wasn't just a bluff, a dagger was stuck by her bedside when she woke up the next morning.
Neria was weak and ordinary.
Consoling herself that she had no other choice, she complied with Gis's threat, and she left Cloud with a great scar.
It was meant to be, she thought.
She had hurt Cloud. But if the women chosen by Cloud were to take her place, wouldn't she be able to wade through it all? Take all the right decisions?
She wanted to check it out.
Maybe she just wanted to be convinced.
That the woman of Cloud's choice was so great that she would never reach her.
From the beginning, being next to him was not her destiny.
But no.
That woman was not the special woman she thought her to be.
Little by little…
The emotion of anger began to shore up inside Neria.
She swung her fist.
– Puck!
She was no different. Not at all.
– Puck!
Just lucky.
– Puck!
She was more desperate. So why…! Why her!?
– Puck!
Neria didn't stop punching.
"Stop!"
Until Cloud shouted.
Neria was startled by his voice and stopped her fist. When she saw Katarina stumble and fall, she was horrified.
It was too much.
She had badly beaten Cloud's lover.
Her heart pounded and fell.
Maybe he would criticize her for going over her bounds.
Would he hate her more?
Maybe she won't even be able to be by his side.
While Neria was trembling with anxiety, Cloud strode forward.
She couldn't contain her fear and closed her eyes tightly.
""
So the words that travelled to her were unexpected.
"You've improved a lot compared to before, Neria. You've worked hard all this time."
Neria sighed.
Far from being criticized, she was rather praised.
It was true that she had tried her best, putting in the effort because she wanted to be recognized, but… she never thought she would receive it at a time like this.
Embarrassed, Neria was speechless.
She barely calmed down before lifting her head and opening her eyes.
"Are you fine? Any broken bones?"
Cloud wasn't looking at Neria.
"I think my ribs are broken. No, they might be smashed…"
"Let's see… Feeling any pain?"
"That's my chest!"
"Don't people have ribs in their chest too? Anyway, it looks fine, just chug one down."
"Chi… you don't worry about me."
He was talking to her, feeding her a potion.
"Gulp… ugh… I always meant to ask this, why does the potion taste like this? Can't they make it delicious?"
"There are other, more delicious things to taste. Plus, it would be pricier. Alright, hop on."
"Hih? What are you doing?"
"Don't you see? Hop on. It would be hard to walk now that you're beaten black and blue."
"…not to that extent."
Katarina muttered with a reddened face, but was quietly carried by Cloud. Carrying her on his back, he turned his attention back to Neria.
"We'll stop by church for a while, so why don't you go back first?"
"Church..? Why church?"
"Even if she seems fine, we never know. Maybe something inside her could have gone wrong. Ophelia said she can't heal for a while for some reason, so we're going to church."
"If that's the case, then I'll…"
"It's fine. I'm grateful that you showed your hand. That means a lot. See you at the inn in a little while."
After saying that, Cloud turned his back and walked toward the outside of the dance hall.
Neria flinched and held out her hand, then put it back down. She stared blankly at the two walking away.
Memories from the past come to mind.
– Ugh…
– Does it hurt a lot? Be patient. We'll reach the village soon.
– Yes…
She had carried Cloud, who had sprained his foot in the mountains, on her back.
For some reason, those memories overlapped with view now.
But back then it was different.
The young Cloud was being carried on her back, but now he was carrying someone else.
"It isn't because Katarina is special…"
Cloud had changed.
From the person who borrowed the back to the person who lends the back.
"I see…"
Neria's voice turned gloomy.
Normally, a childhood friend would rejoice at such growth, but she couldn't.
Because she had no place of her own on his back.
And because she never seemed to in the future.
Neria barely survived a near collapse and walked toward the dropped sword and shield.
She shouldn't be weak.
If she turned weak, she won't be able to stay by his side.
As she crouched down to pick up her shield.
– Tuk. Tuk.
Her tears fell and soaked the dirt floor.
* * *
"Cloud."
"What?"
"Are you pretending not to know? Or do you really not know?"
"What?"
"I mean Neria."
"What Neria?"
"She loves you."
"…You are being very straightforward, aren't you? Don't you usually say things like that part by part?"
"Be honest and answer quickly. Okay? You don't know?"
"…if I've to say it, I do know."
"I knew it. It's rather strange that you wouldn't know it when she displays it so openly. So, did you just draw a line?"
Katarina said in a somewhat joyous voice.
I smiled bitterly and shook my head, staring forward.
"The line was drawn from the very beginning."
Because Neria likes Cloud.
Not 'me'.
Daoist/Mtl02: Finally the conclusion. Btw, we have a new pr now.
You can read fully translated chapters, including the last chapter, for $20.
p(a)treon.com/Daoist02