White House South Lawn, Washington D.C.
The world watched. Cameras, satellites, livestreams. Every major news station from CNN to Al Jazeera had their lenses trained on the podium. Barack Obama, calm as always, stood at the mic with that signature smile that somehow said everything is fine and you're all screwed at the same time.
Logan loomed just behind him, sunglasses on, claws not out (yet), looking like the grumpiest Secret Service agent in history.
Obama began.
"My fellow Americans, and to the citizens of the world watching: Today, we face a truth that can no longer be denied. The world is changing. Our species is changing."
He paused, scanning the sea of reporters.
"Scientific data shows that in less than ten years, over seventy percent of the global population will be classified as meta-human. Whether by mutation, accident, or inheritance, this is not a rare phenomenon. It is the next stage of human evolution. Within fifty years? Ninety-eight percent."
Deadpool's Commentary:
(Cutting in like a Twitch streamer over a live broadcast.)
"Translation: your kid's gonna either shoot lasers out their eyes or turn into a squirrel. Place your bets, people!"
Obama pressed on.
"We cannot ignore the risks. Meta-humans are still human, and they deserve rights and protection. But with great power—"
He actually chuckled, shaking his head.
"—comes great responsibility. And regulation."
Deadpool:
"Ohhh he said it! He said the Spider-Man line! Roll credits, folks. Movie's over. Wait… no? Okay, fine, keep watching."
Obama's tone hardened.
"But this doesn't stop at metas. For too long, the existence of other beings has been treated as rumor, myth, or conspiracy. Vampires are real. Gods walk among us. Aliens too."
The crowd exploded. Shouts, flashes of cameras, a dozen reporters yelling at once. Obama raised a hand, waited for silence.
"Vampires are not just horror stories. They live among us. Many are integrated into our society. Some even perform on your playlists."
He smirked, deadpan.
"Yes, Ed Sheeran. Yes, Dr. Dre. And yes, My Chemical Romance. Blade—our government's foremost consultant on vampire affairs—assures me that the younger generations are manageable. The old ones? Well, let's just say history has teeth."
Deadpool:
"Wait wait wait… you're telling me Obama just canonized Blade and My Chemical Romance in the same breath? This is the greatest timeline."
Obama shifted again.
"And gods. Thor, Ares, Sekhmet. They are not myths. They are not symbols. They are beings with real power and agendas that may not align with ours. While we respect belief and freedom of worship, these entities are not human. They will be treated as foreign powers. Should they interfere with our sovereignty, they will be asked to comply—or face detainment."
Deadpool:
"Bold move, Barry. Regulate the Norse thunder frat boy. Somebody call Odin and tell him his kid just got grounded by executive order."
The President sipped water, nodding toward Logan before continuing.
"And lastly, aliens. No, they're not in Area 51—"
Murmurs. Chuckles.
"They're everywhere else. We have confirmation of multiple encounters, friendly and hostile. We will pursue peace first, but humanity must be prepared to defend itself."
He leaned in, voice lower, intimate despite the microphones.
"The world is changing. Humanity always adapts. We will rebuild our cities with stronger materials—Stark Industries, Baxter Foundation, Tesla Labs are already developing new solutions. We will create shelters, protections, and laws to ensure safety without sacrificing freedom. But let me be clear: no matter what claws you bear, what wings you spread, what blood runs through your veins… if you call Earth home, you have rights. And responsibilities."
Deadpool:
"…Did he just unite mutants, vampires, aliens, and gods under the same speech? Somebody give this man a Nobel Peace Prize with sprinkles."
Obama smiled, closing strong.
"We face challenges. But together, we endure. Together, we adapt. Together—we are human."
Silence. Then chaos. Reporters screaming questions, flashes blinding, everyone clawing for more.
And that's when Logan's nose twitched. His hand twitched too. Claws snikted free a heartbeat before the first bullet ripped the air.
He slashed two. The third buried itself in his chest.
"Conference is over," he growled, shoving Obama down. "It's the Winter Soldier."