The Human Bearer
12.
What was this feeling growing inside him, so alien, so removed from his usual thought process that he couldn't even begin to wrap his mind around it? Xana had given him the explanation, but Riordan didn't feel satisfied with it. Why had he reacted so strongly to seeing Lewis' large belly filled with Xenolites? He had felt as if he had been about to cry his heart out. That kind of emotional response wasn't him. He could get scared, he could get mad, but crying? He curled by Xana's side, hoping for some warmth.
They were back home, and they lounged on one of the many beds, Xana busy reading something on a virtual screen on which strange symbols rolled like an infinite feed, while he was busy being pregnant and doing not much else. Was he losing himself in the process of contributing to that new life inside him? Was that what was happening?
"Do you want me to start studying to some institute or some shit?" he asked.
Xana stopped his scrolling and caressed his head briefly. "Your bot told you."
"You're not going to send him to the landfill for telling me what you spoke freely in front of him," Riordan said quickly.
"No, of course not. Since you started the conversation, and I need a break from work anyway, let's indulge you and your curiosity. What would you like to know?"
"Do you want me to go to that fancy school for real? Just so you know, I didn't even finish high school on Earth. I was busy doing… other things." Never before in his life had he felt ashamed with who he was, but Xana was so accomplished, being a top dog on Xeno and a studious one even that he didn't want to sound like an uncivilized ape compared to him.
"Yes, you have the intelligence," Xana said promptly. "You must also start learning our language. Since this is your life from now until forever."
"You really want to keep me that long?" Riordan tried to joke, but his lips were stiff, incapable of producing the little smirk he had hoped for. "I mean, you do realize that, at one point, I'll grow old. I won't be fit for carrying any eggs. I'll become useless."
Xana kissed the crown of his head. "You will never be useless to me."
"Yeah, you say that now, but as soon as some fresh piece of tail catches your eye, I bet I'll become an extra in this little scenario of yours."
"A piece of tail? I am certain I cannot feel attracted to another Xeno."
"It's a figure of speech, geez. What I mean is a piece of ass. You know, a human… younger and more beautiful than me. Who can carry your eggs when I no longer can."
"That will never happen," Xana said matter-of-factly. "I want you and only you."
"You snakemen live long lives," Riordan pointed out, although the topic wasn't dear to him at all. "You'll be still in your prime long after I'm nothing but dust."
Xana caught him by surprise when he lifted him and placed him in his lap. Their eyes met. I will never let you die. As long as I'm alive.
The way that message was delivered, straight to his brain, made things seem a lot more intimate. Riordan found himself yearning for those words to be the truth. Again, it could be that it was only his pregnancy talking, making him feel extra sensitive and emotional. You're talking big, snakeboy. You know you do. But, for the record, I appreciate the thought.
The ever searching tongue reached inside his mouth, caressing its insides slowly. Riordan wrapped his arms tightly around Xana's shoulders, allowing his master to kiss him. For creatures with such unshaken belief in their resistance to earthly emotions, some of them really acted like they cared. Or at least like they couldn't comprehend basic math, but he wasn't about to point it out to Xana.
He was placed gently on his back. Xan caressed his chest and then his belly. For all the hard sex they had engaged in lately, this was surprisingly tender. "You have some learning to do," the snakeman said, drawing slow circles on Riordan's abdomen.
"About machines? Shouldn't I focus on the pregnancy stuff first?"
"That's what I'm talking about. You must become acquainted with how it happens."
"And how am I supposed to do that?"
"You'll attend a birth, of course. Such events are not open for just anyone to attend, mind you. But I secured a position with one of my closest allies."
Riordan pushed Xana away so that he could look into his eyes. "Is Tasha giving birth?"
"No. Your friend, with whom you engage in gallivanting adventures of dubious sorts--"
"Yeah, right," Riordan snorted and made a face.
"Your friend will also be there. You both have a lot to learn. Besides how to offer proper respect to your owners by not engaging in wading through landfills."
"We didn't wade--" Riordan swallowed his words. He was about to give Xer away. Xana probably knew already all the details of the rescue mission he had planned for getting his bot back, but still, he shouldn't get in the habit of ratting out on the very few allies he had.
"Of course, I know who actually dived into the garbage to pull out your favorite bot's remains."
"And you just read my mind, didn't you?" Riordan protested and narrowed his eyes, to show his displeasure.
Xana laughed and his eyes twinkled with mischief. "You are so quick to suspect me, Riordan. I knew all along that Xer was with you."
Riordan let his jaw drop but then pursed his lips. "That little traitorous fucker. Was he reporting to you in real time?"
"There was no need for that. But you know how we communicate between us. You are part of it, too, now."
"Only when it's convenient for you, isn't it? Because I don't recall being able to pick your brain apart when I feel like it."
"Is that upsetting you? Then how about you read my mind right now?"
Riordan observed Xana carefully, but it didn't look like he was taken for a fool. At least, not this time. "How exactly do I do this?"
"Think of me, and you will hear my thoughts."
That was easier said than done. His attempts appeared to be clumsy at first and he didn't know if he was doing something wrong or that kind of thing didn't work as Xana thought it should. But just as he was about to call it quits, a door opened in front of him, and, that very moment, he felt breathless.
He could see without seeing enormous galaxies, the interior of strange buildings, conflicts and wars.
Think of what you want to know. In his mind, Xana's calm voice was soothing, guiding him like an open hand taking his. The sight in front of the eyes of his mind changed, and he saw himself walking down a winding path leading to an ocean on a sunny day. He could tell the place wasn't Earth, and he had never seen it before. In the distance, he could distinguish two silhouettes, and as he rushed towards them, they came into focus. He saw Xana by the shore holding someone's hand. It was a child, a Xenolite, and he turned his head and Riordan saw that the boy – he was certain it was a boy – had dark hair falling in waves down his shoulders. When the boy noticed him, he broke free from Xana's hold and rushed towards him, slithering his way through the sand, but in a manner that reminded Riordan more of a happy puppy on his first day outside. He opened his arms and crouched to embrace the child, but the vision was suddenly gone, and he lost his balance while blinking and trying to recall it. "Is this what you're thinking of? Our child?"
Xana brushed one hand along his cheek. "Yes. He will be beautiful like you."
Riordan struggled to shake off the feeling of tenderness that moved through him, warming his soul. "Wow, man, you really want to make me cry or something."
"Is it working?" Xana placed his head on Riordan's chest, and now it was his turn to receive caresses.
"I think it is."
Maybe Kyle wasn't so off the mark as he had thought initially. The snakeman was really thinking of their contract as marriage, even though he didn't care for the term or any kind of earthly weaknesses like love. For now, he would take what he was given, he thought. "You'll let him grow up a bit before sending him to school, right?"
"Our Xenolites don't need as much mollycoddling as your kind. Also, they grow fast."
"If what you're saying is true, then the baby is going to be a bit human," Riordan argued. "You'll let him stay home with me for a few years. Until he's at least 6 or 7 years old."
"That's preposterous. He will remain behind if he doesn't start studying from the age of 1."
"The age of 1? Are you seriously pulling my leg? Jeesh, no wonder you have to roam the galaxy and take over worlds. You have a fucked up childhood."
"He will go to school at the required age, and that's final," Xana said sternly.
"Will he be allowed to have fun? I don't know, play and stuff?" Riordan asked. He couldn't remember a time when he had played as a child. All he had ever done was survive. But that didn't mean that the offspring of one of the most powerful people on the planet was supposed to suffer just because his dad thought playing was for losers or something.
"I focused on my studies and I have no regrets," Xana said.
"Oh, wow, nerd," Riordan replied with a huff. "No wonder you look like you just swallowed a lemon all the time. Well, I'm also the baby's parent, and I say that he should be allowed to play every day."
"Will you play with him?"
"Of course. It's not like I'm asking you to waste your precious time on your son," Riordan retorted.