Chapter 236
"Draco, Hermione!" Andy called out suddenly. "Come in and get washedupfor
dinner." Draco turned back to her, his expression smoothed over. "I might have shakenPotter's hand, but I refuse to shake yours." He warned her. Hermione gave him a smirk she thought Sirius would have been proud of. "If I
ever offer you my hand, Malfoy, I don't expect you to shake it," she startedtowards the house and left him behind, "I expect you to follow etiquette andkiss it!" o-O-o
Severus swirled the amber liquid in the crystal glass around and stared at theparchment in front of him. He had neatly divided the parchment into quadrants: in the top left the initialsof all the tagged Death Eaters who were alive were listed; in the bottomleft, the initials of all of the Death Eaters who were incarcerated in Azkaban. Onthe right side, the top section held the initials D.L and P.P, referring to theDarkLord and Pettigrew, while the bottom section held the initials of all the DeathEaters who were missing or dead. He frowned. He wasn't exactly sure what he was doing. Ever since he had heard of thenotePotter had received on his birthday, something had been nagging at the backof his mind…something. The meditation exercises that he had done for
Occlumency hadn't helped bring anything to the surface of his mind thoughand he had hoped that the list would prompt whatever bit of buried
information that was irritating him like a stone in a shoe to appear. Unfortunately, it didn't seem to be working. What he really needed was a sounding board. He missed Lily in that regard. He had few friends to confide problems to and thus had become intensely
self-sufficient. Perhaps a colleague could be used, but given the sensitivenature of what he was considering he couldn't simply approach one of themeven if he inclined, which he was not. He had a distant if professional
relationship with the other staff and he preferred it that way. There were twoexceptions but Albus was out, meeting with an old friend, and Minerva might
have been an acceptable substitute in a pinch, but she was out once againat
dinner with Potter and Black. Severus's lip curled up in disgust. He set the glass down, the beverage untouched. Maybe a walk would clear hishead and provide some order to his thoughts. He set off fromhis quartersandmade for the entrance hall. The corridors were filled with elves preparingthecastle for the upcoming school year.
It wouldn't be long, Severus thought morosely, and he would have to deal withthe students again; his peace and quiet disturbed. He hated teaching. Loathed it. He hadn't become a Potions Master to teach others – well, apprentices, perhaps, but not children. He had wanted to research and invent; to createpotions that would help the world. If there had been one blessing of his timewithin the Dark Lord's ranks it was that he had been given a lot of leeway inthat regard, although on the downside he'd had to brew many potions ontheorder of the Dark Lord. His tenure at Hogwarts had begun because of an order of the Dark Lordandit
had continued beyond his defeat because Severus had needed a safe placeonce the news of his spying had reached the ears of his fellow Death Eaters.
He was a target for their anger and resentment since Potter had been
squirrelled away and Black was in Azkaban. However, he had managed tofixthings, reaching out to Lucius who eventually let it be known that Severuswasa double agent with the Dark Lord's knowledge. Five years before, finally
comfortable that he wouldn't be killed if he were to strike out on his own, Severus had tried to resign for the first time. Albus had carefully deconstructed his argument over the next year; therewasno successor lined up – surely Severus would stay until Albus could findareplacement; Severus himself had no position to go to, the castle providedanincome and accommodation as well as safety…and finally when Severus hadinsisted that he must resign; Harry…would Severus not find it easier to keepLily's son safe if he were to remain as a teacher in the place where Harry
would one day be educated?
He had given in. Severus huffed out a breath as he made his way across the grounds to thelake. He was barely aware of the weakening sun, the breeze that hardly
disturbed his hair, and the hush of rustling leaves in nearby trees. He startedout moodily into the expanse of silver water.
It was probably unfair but Severus blamed Potter for the fact that Severuswasstuck teaching. A part of him – the part that sounded remarkably like Lily – whispered inhishead that it was completely unfair of him to blame Potter. It had been theDarkLord's order that had brought Severus to Hogwarts in the first place; it hadbeen Severus's choice to serve the Dark Lord; it had been Albus's
manipulations that had entangled him into remaining; and, it had been hischoice to stay. Possibly, Severus conceded, he found it a fitting penance for his crimes. Hogwarts was his prison, a placed where he was reminded daily of Lily andthe mistakes he had made. She was dead; he didn't deserve a professionheenjoyed and a life free of irritating children who shouldn't be allowed near acauldron. Of course, he wasn't the only one who had been consigned to a hellish prisonsince Lily's death. His fists clenched as he remembered the Ministry report that he had readabout Potter's home with the Dursleys. He snorted suddenly. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Chapter 237
What home?
That house had been nothing but a place to live at best, and at worst, yes; aprison. Potter had received only minimal care and upon reading the lack of
love and nurturing in the boy's upbringing, Severus had been unwillingly
outraged that Petunia had dared treat Lily's child that way. Albus had
constantly assured him that Harry was well-cared for. It was why he hadassumed that Potter was spoiled just as his father had been when he hadattended Hogwarts. He should have known better; he should have knownPetunia would never set aside her petty jealousy of Lily. He had even felt some regret that he had continued their pattern of verbal
abuse himself at Hogwarts; belittling and berating the boy for the smallest of
infractions; being unfair to Potter just because he was Potter by asking himquestions that only someone who had studied months ahead would be abletoanswer, by marking his essays harshly and grading his potions the same –if
he bothered to grade them and didn't declare perfectly acceptable potionsawaste. Severus closed his eyes angrily and made a huff of denial. His behaviour wasnot comparable or equal to the years of abuse the muggles had heapedonthePotter; it was not. He had a role to play, and someone needed to keep theboy's ego in check. But he was finding it harder to justify to himself why he had been so insistent
on treating Potter with scorn. Lily would have been furious with Severus for
treating any child that way least of all her son. And she would have chosenhisside, Severus considered bitterly. After all, she had died to save her son, it
followed that she would have wanted to protect him from the smaller hurtsof
stern treatment at the hands of a teacher.
If she had lived, she would have marched into the school and taken himtotask and…Severus wouldn't have blamed her. He wondered if the fact that hehad tried his best to ensure her son's safety would have mitigated the rest of
his behaviour. He feared not. Truthfully, he hadn't done a great deal to helpkeep him safe beyond watching Quirrell, and while he had managed to counter
the hex on the broom enough that Potter hadn't fallen, he had failed to keepQuirrell from Potter in the end. The enormous basilisk corpse was another
reminder of his failure. Not that Potter made keeping him safe easy; the brat
seemed to have no sense of self-preservation. Why would he, Severus reminded himself. The report had made it clear that
the Dursleys had raised a child who would have little sense of self-worth. Mix
in Albus's manipulations and the wizarding world's expectations of their heroand it was no wonder that the result was a child that constantly risked hislifewithout regard for his own safety. He had no doubt that the need to instil
some self-esteem in Potter would be at the heart of the discussion whenthestaff met to discuss the at-risk children at Hogwarts. Well, Albus had ordered him to be civil to Potter and he would be. He would not, however, be civil to Black. He shook his head. How Albus had thought springing a meeting betweenthetwo of them the day of the basilisk recovery was a good idea was beyondhisunderstanding. Black was as hateful as always and Severus would not standfor it. He might have to work with the cretin to defeat the Dark Lord but herefused to pretend that their relationship would ever be anything other thanit
was: a mutual hatred. Severus cast thoughts of Black away as he was reminded why he had walkedout to the lake in the first place. He breathed in deeply. The scent of gillyflowers filled his nostrils; the gillyweed would soon be readyfor harvesting. He let his mind wander, letting the irritation and frustrationflow out of him until his body relaxed and his thoughts were of nothing but thescenic view that filled his vision. His ears caught the faint crunch of the grass behind him and he shot a lookover his shoulder. There was nothing visible. Still, his senses were on full alert
and he could faintly smell sweat, soap and damp clothing; someone was
disillusioned. An intruder on Hogwarts grounds would be unusual, especially as Alastor
Moody had improved the security since he'd come to stay in the school inmid-July. The holes in the wards had been identified and patched; the
weaknesses of the surrounding secret passageways eliminated, and
additional security had been added in key areas including the Infirmary andthe Potion Stores. Severus drew his wand. "Show yourself!" Moody appeared in a waterfall of magic as the disillusionment spell ended. "Snape."
"Moody." Severus replied tersely. He and the former Auror did not get alongwell although since Moody's arrival at Hogwarts they had formed somethingof a détente by the simple means of ignoring each other. For a long tense moment they glared at each other, wands drawn and ready. Finally, Severus holstered his wand again and bowed his head slightly inacknowledgement. "Your stealth skills need some work."
"You have very good ears and a good nose, Snape." Moody responded gruffly, his magical eye whirling. "I still got close enough to you before you realisedI
was there that I could have decapitated you. You should be more vigilant!" Severus sneered at him but it was actually good advice with the Dark Lordonthe path to regaining a form and his fellow Death Eaters back in business. Hehad become too comfortable within the grounds; too complacent. "You mayhave a point." He conceded grudgingly. Moody grunted. "Why are you out here anyway?" One eyebrow arched at the insinuation. "Am I to assume fromthat statement
that the staff are subject to some kind of curfew now?"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Chapter 238
"Actually that isn't a bad idea." Moody said before he broke into guffaws of
laughter at Severus's horrified expression. Severus huffed out an exasperated snort. Moody sobered but he gestured out towards the lake. "The question was
purely a casual one, Snape. Albus has lectured me on the necessity of
maintaining positive and friendly working relationships with my colleagues." Severus could probably have recited the lecture that Moody had received; hereceived it yearly himself from Albus. "My advice is to ignore it. I do."
"So I can see." Moody said evenly. "Well, I should get back inside. Nobody onthe grounds but us Professors, and Hagrid's menagerie."
"Give it another couple of weeks and it'll be overrun with little monsters." Severus retorted, deciding to head back in himself. His plan had failed. Hewas no further forward on finding out what it was that was bothering himabout the death threat.
"I know," Moody grimaced, his scarred face twisting, "I have no idea what I
was thinking when I agreed to this. In fact, I'm almost certain that Albus
confunded me."
"I have often felt that way myself after speaking with him." Severus agreedand almost flinched as he realised they had managed a civil exchange. They settled into a surprisingly comfortable silence as they walked back andSeverus found himself politely altering his stride to keep pace with the limpingex-Auror rather than striding ahead. His mind darted back to his thoughtsbefore he had left his quarters; he had wanted a sounding board. Moody wasa former Auror who knew the Death Eaters very well because he had huntedthem. Perhaps…
"The reason why I was at the lake was because I was considering Potter'sdeath threat." Severus said cautiously.
"Oh?" Moody looked at him suspiciously.
"An alternate point of view may be appreciated in reviewing my thoughts onthe matter." Severus said smoothly as though he had no hesitation in askingMoody for his help. Moody nodded slowly. "The staff room?"
It was a good suggestion; neutral ground for both of them.
"I will need to recover something from my quarters." Severus said stiffly. "I will
meet you there." As soon as Moody acquiesced, Severus whirled away, heading to the
dungeons where he grabbed the parchment he had prepared earlier. He
arrived at the staff room to find Moody already sat in one of the seatingarrangements that gave him a good view of the room and importantly theexits; Severus usually sat in the same chair. He made his way over and sat
down, pulling his black robes close to him. Moody waved his wand to place a privacy bubble and lifted his flask. "Ogden's." Severus was about to refuse when he decided that sharing a drink with theman might make their discussion more convivial. He gave a sharp nod.
Moody conjured two glasses and poured the drink. They saluted each other
silently before they knocked the drinks back.
"So," Moody said, "what's this about?"
"Since I spoke with Albus about the specifics of the death threat, I have beenunable to get the feeling that I should recall something, something useful, but
despite my efforts my memory refuses to give up the information." Severusconfessed. "I prepared this list hoping it would prompt something." He handedit to Moody. The grizzled wizard scanned it, his good eye taking on a calculating look asheregistered the initials and put names to them. He frowned as he nearedtheend of the parchment. "Why've you got dead Death Eaters on the list?"
"What I am trying to remember is something in my past, I therefore thought it
prudent to have them all listed." Severus answered obediently and his eyeswidened before they narrowed on Moody. He picked up his discarded glassand sniffed. "Veritaserum?"
"A variant." Moody replied after a long moment. Severus's eyes widened again. "You dosed us both." He had poured themdrinks from the same flask.
Moody nodded. "Mild dose. Just enough to suggest you should tell the truthrather than to compel you." He scowled at Severus. "Didn't think you'd fall for it
but you did."
"And what makes you think I won't just get up and leave?" snarled Severusangrily, stung by the criticism since it was deserved. He had let his guarddown and the former Auror had taken advantage of it.
"Because the serum may help provoke your memory into recall." Moody
pointed out briskly. Unfortunately, Moody was right. Severus rubbed his forehead tiredly. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Chapter 239
"Do you follow the Dark Lord?" Moody asked bluntly, obviously determinedtotake full advantage of Severus's stupidity.
"No." Severus said brusquely. "I intend to see him dead."
"Hmnpf." Moody said surprised. "Well, I guess that's good enough for me." Hegestured. "Tell me about when you found out about the death threat." Severus wrestled with whether he should just give Moody the finger andleave,
but his need to know what was nagging at him overruled his want to tell theother wizard to piss off. "I found out about it in the Prophet," he replied tersely, "and, frankly, the only thing I thought at that time was that the article reekedof
simpering mediocrity." Moody laughed. "Skeeter does have a turn of phrase." He motioned at Severus. "So, tell me about when you started feeling that it rang bells."
"Albus called me into his office to update me about various matters," Severussaid, "one of which was the death threat. He had been able to retrieve a copyfrom Director Bones. He handed it to me to read and informed me of the
results of the magical forensic tests…"
"And bells rang."
"Like now." Severus said dryly.
"What did it remind you of?" Moody asked directly. Severus felt the tug of something but it failed to reach his lips and his mindremained blank. "I can feel that I know but I cannot say why and what." Hefrowned in concentration but shook his head.
"Interesting." Moody's magical eye spun. "The only time I've seen a truthserum fail to retrieve memories is when the individual has been a Secret
Keeper or when they've been obliviated or some other formof memory spell
has been used." Severus stiffened. He definitely wasn't a Secret Keeper which meant memorycharms but his Occlumency should have caught someone playing about withhis memory. "I'm a Master Occlumens…" he began.
"So?" Moody challenged. "You had to sort through memories during trainingand you obviously sort through memories since as a matter of routine, yes. But it only means that the likely timing of your memory issues is during theperiod when you were training and gave someone access to your head."
"Bellatrix!" Severus growled furiously. His hands clenched into fists againashe attempted to control the surge of magic that erupted through him. Moody's eyebrows shot up. "You gave that lunatic bitch access to your
mind?!"
"I didn't have a choice in the selection of my tutor!" snarled Severus. He tookadeep breath trying to get himself back under control. "I stayed for a monthat
the LeStranges."
"Then, whatever rings your bell about that death threat must have taken placeduring that month." Moody pointed at him. "A galleon says LeStrange placedanotice-me-not on the memories. Probably convinced you you'd already sortedthrough them and put them away."
"Yes." Severus said stiffly; he had already come to that conclusion himself. But it was a major step forward from his previously frustrated efforts toremember. "Now I am aware of the problem, I shall address the issue in mynext Occlumency session."
"Also explains why you listed the dead Death Eaters." Moody mused out loud. "Your subconscious was trying to give you a clue." Severus nodded. It was not an entirely stupid conclusion.
"Does anything spring to mind now you know?"
"No," Severus shook his head, "I can vaguely recall staying in the mansion…" he frowned, "and that Rasbastan often had a male guest but I cannot recollect
who."
"Probably Crouch Junior." Moody said. "It might explain the notice-me-not. Crouch was obviously being kept under wraps, wasn't he?" Severus nodded slowly. Barty Crouch Junior had been a well-kept secret fromthe other side and within the Death Eater ranks. It had certainly surprisedSeverus when Crouch had been arrested along with the LeStranges at theLongbottoms. Moody was probably right about the reason behind his memoryissue. But even if that had been the reason why Bellatrix had played withhismemories, the thing he needed to remember was somewhere in themandhedidn't think the thing was Crouch's romance with Rabastan.
The staff door opened and Albus walked in, colourfully attired in lime greenand bright lemon striped robes. His face brightened at the sight of Moody andSeverus sat together. Moody glanced at him and silently they both agreed their discussion was over. Moody quickly took down the privacy charm. "Albus."
"Alastor! And Severus!" He beamed at them. "How delightful to see you bothhere! Together!" Oh Merlin, Severus realised; Albus thought they had been bonding! His eyescaught Moody's and they exchanged identical looks of horror. And then
identical looks of consternation that they had exchanged looks at all andthat
perhaps Albus had been right. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Chapter 240
Severus did the sensible thing.
"If you'll excuse me…" he said, and fled to his quarters. o-O-o
Sirius was grumpy.
Sundays were usually reserved for father-son time with Harry but becauseof
Simeon's visit that wasn't possible. Added to that was Sirius's consternationthat at the dinner the night before Remus had mentioned the Black country
estate and the rest of the family had enthusiastically decided a visit to theproperty was in order. He sighed as he exited the floo into the entry hall. He personally had nowishto visit the estate; he'd avoided it since he'd regained the Lordship despiteRemus's nagging. But he'd been helpless against the combined efforts of
Remus, Harry and Andy who had unfairly in his opinion ganged up on him. He stepped aside to allow the rest of the visitors to enter. In no time at all, thehall was crowded with various factions of the House of Black. His gaze
immediately sought out Harry. His son was with Remus apparently listeningintently along with Hermione to Remus's history lesson about the old manor
house, (and Remus was in full teacher mode with waving arms and all). Sirius snorted under his breath at how close Hermione and Harry were; thetwo teenagers were never far from each other's side and he had a bet withRemus that they'd get together at the end of their fourth year. They had awager of five galleons riding on it. Despite his amusement though, Sirius didworry occasionally about it. Teenage romances rarely lasted the distanceandhe was concerned that if the pair did get together but then broke up
acrimoniously that it would impact their friendship and Hermione's
comfortable inclusion in the House of Black. Sirius's eyes widened as Draco asked Remus a question and joined the small
group.
"I'm glad to see he's attempting to integrate." Andromeda's dry tone hadSiriusturning around to see that she was just behind him. "I was worried he wasgoing to spend the entire day clinging to Cissy's skirts since Lucy declinedtocome along and my daughter is on duty today." Sirius harrumphed. Harry had told him that he and Draco had agreed someform of truce the day before but Sirius would believe Draco meant it only
when he had undeniable evidence.
"I haven't been here for years." Andromeda said, looking around, nostalgiacoating her words thickly. He glanced around the familiar walls and sighed. "Me either."
"You remember the week-long Summer gatherings your grandfather wouldinsist we attend?" Andromeda sighed. "Of course, in retrospect, they must
have been family meetings."
"They were." Andromeda looked at him sharply before nodded in understanding. "Youalways disappeared during the day and we thought you were being bratty andavoiding us, but you weren't, were you?"
"I was the Heir from the age of eight, Andy, so; no," Sirius said, "I wasn't
avoiding you all so much as sitting and watching Grandfather keep the familyin line." He shivered. He had hated the Black family meetings although hecould better understand his grandfather's ruthlessness and iron-clad control
now more than he ever had before. The sound of a throat being cleared interrupted Sirius's memories and heturned gratefully to Remus who gestured at the gathered group around him;
Simeon and his family, Narcissa and Draco, Ted, Harry, and Hermione.
"I thought I'd give everyone a tour while you sort the study out." Remus saidfirmly.
In other words, Sirius thought with resigned amusement; go and sort the studyout. He nodded. "Good plan."
"I'll come with you, Remus," Andromeda offered, "I'm sure Cissy and I cantell
some stories about this place." Narcissa smiled at her sister, a hint of mischief breaking through her placiddemeanour. "I'm sure we can such as the time you convinced us all to drinkFirewhiskey." Andromeda winced before she rallied. "Yes, well, there is the time that you
decided you wanted to look like Aunt Cass and dressed up in…"
"Perhaps Harry would find tales of Sirius more interesting?" Narcissa
smoothly interrupted.
"That'd be brilliant." Harry declared. Sirius shot him a look. "Traitor!" Harry grinned as Remus led them away; his son gave a small wave goodbye. Interestingly, Anna fell into step beside Harry and Sirius breathed a small sighof relief as the muggleborn witch made the effort to fix the hurt she'd causedHarry the night before with her cool distance after Harry had blessed Jason.