Casey thought everything was just a bad dream because when he came to, Vera was kissing him. Everything must be alright because he was in her arms where he belonged.
Though once he opened his eyes to take her shirt off, he didn't recognize where they were and was confused all over again. "Uh, Vera? Where are we?"
She flopped forward so she was hugging him tightly while on top of him, her voice full of relief. "We're at the hospital. Do you remember what happened?"
Oh. So it wasn't a dream then if they were at the hospital. Finding out Kane was a hallucination actually happened. All those memories did too. The ones of Candy hurting Casey that he had done his best to forget…and the one of killing her in self-defense. That was perhaps the most horrifying of all.
He had loved her once, though she hadn't loved him back. Not really. Not the way people were supposed to.
He had blocked that whole traumatic experience out, including burying her on the property. How could he have possibly blocked that out?!
Casey had always experienced a lot of gaps in his memory. What he didn't understand was why.
He sighed miserably, unable to voice his biggest secret that he had completely forgotten. Vera would probably understand, considering what Candy did to him, but he couldn't risk anyone else overhearing. Vera had cried for him. She would say something like how it wasn't his fault.
The awful part was that now that he knew what love was supposed to be like, he didn't feel nearly as guilty as he should. Candy was a monster. In protecting himself, he ended up protecting anyone else from ending up like him later on too. That didn't make it any less traumatic though.
"Yeah. I short of thought that was just a nightmare when I woke up to you kissing me. What's wrong with me? Why did I forget? Things blur together a lot but I always thought it was just stress…"
Vera moved so their foreheads were touching, holding his hands against his cheeks and looking him straight in the eyes. She had moved his bangs out of the way.
"Kane wasn't just a hallucination, Casey. He's an alternate personality your brain invented to take care of you when you couldn't take care of yourself," she said gently.
Casey cursed before hysterically laughing. Well. That explained a lot. The memory gaps and where the idea of Kane the hallucination came from. There was a real one all along. That was why there seemed to be evidence of another person's existence in Casey's apartment. There was another person inside his head!
What was he even supposed to do about this? She was handling it insanely calmly but this was a major problem.
"Of course. Of course! I'm even more broken than I thought," he said once he mostly got a hold of himself.
Casey didn't feel like he had a proper hold of himself at all. Who even WAS 'himself'? Was it him or Kane? Or maybe some mixture of the two?
"You're fixable though! You are. I promise. I love you so much and I'll be here with you every step of the way as you try to get better. Hold on to that, okay? For me."
Vera's tone was soft. Desperate. Pleading. She believed in Casey, though she probably shouldn't. He had to do whatever he could for her sake. Cooperate with the doctors in here so they could potentially fix him like she thought was possible.
There was nothing he wouldn't do for her. This didn't change anything. No matter how much he wanted to disappear so he didn't have to relive those memories, he had to keep going for her.
The only two people she loved were both in the hospital now. He had to get out of here as soon as possible so she didn't suffer more than she already had because his pain hurt her too.
Casey took a deep, calming breath before replying. "Okay. For you."
"Thank you," Vera said in relief as she flopped back down to her previous position.
That reminded Casey of something. He had been too preoccupied with everything else earlier to even think of it. Why she had been kissing him when Kane was in charge of his body.
She didn't sound happy as she told him. Kane thought it would work to draw Casey out and it did.
He wasn't sure what to make of that. He had more questions too. How she knew Kane wasn't Casey, what he was like, and so on. The weirdest part was that the real one and the one he imagined were about the same.
The most promising thing Vera said was that Kane wanted to let her take care of Casey in his place. They were on the same page then. Now they just had to figure out how to make it happen.
Once that was established, she had to go. Casey needed to talk to the doctor anyway. She promised to bring him some long-sleeved shirts and books to keep him occupied when she came back the next day and told him how much she loved him on her way out.
He knew that. He definitely didn't deserve her and never would. His brokenness was adding to her worries right now.
He was useful to her most of the time though. He had to hold on to that. He still could be once he got out of here. He would help run her shop and make sure she was never alone again. That was all she really seemed to need. She was the most easily pleased person he had ever met.
Casey didn't like talking to Dr. Barry but it had to be done. Casey was forcing the bad memories down right now to speak as clearly as possible, though his stutter and word mashing made it barely decipherable gibberish. Thankfully, the doctor was able to interpret it.
"You want to get this under control so you can get back to your life as soon as possible?" Dr. Barry asked once Casey finished.
He nodded. "My firlgrend—girlfriend—needs me. Her aunt is in a nursing home so with both of us in bad shape, she doesn't have anybody to look out for her. Is there a way to get Kane to merge back together with me?"
"Yes and no. There isn't a set cure for DID but it can be treated. It seems like he only comes out when you're stressed or in danger. I think the best course of action would be to treat the underlying symptoms. Anxiety and trauma.
"We've already put you on an antipsychotic that also works for anxiety. What we need to focus on now is teaching you healthier coping techniques and processing your suppressed memories."
"Okay."
Casey said he would do anything for Vera and he meant it. Even if he really, REALLY didn't want to.
Therapy was brutal. It would have been so easy to let Kane take over but Casey couldn't do that. He was the one who needed to learn how to deal with all this better. So he focused on his breathing whenever he felt himself spiraling during a session.
He was already exhausted and it had only been a day. But she came to visit after work as promised and not only brought the shirts and books but a box of snack cakes for him.
He flopped into her arms. "You're an angel. Your baking would be better but sugar is sugar."
Vera let out a small laugh before her tone turned sympathetic. "Rough day?"
"That's an understatement. But I don't want to talk about it."
"Totally fair."
Vera told Casey about what she did today and an estate sale she was planning to go to on Sunday. They usually went to those together. He felt bad about her having to go alone, even if she had been used to it before they started spending all their free time together.
He appreciated her accommodating him though. He needed to think positively. About the future rather than the past. He did too much of that already in therapy.
She was his future. As long as he had her, he could survive anything. Even processing things he had spent his whole life trying to forget.
Casey had to go through all of it…aside from killing Candy. He could do that on his own once he had the coping strategies he needed. He could focus on the other stuff first. There was so much of it.
It was absolutely exhausting. Reliving all that terror took a lot out of him. The only thing keeping him from going under when he felt himself slipping was Vera. Picturing the way she smiled at him and cheerfully called his name helped along with the breathing techniques he was taught. Knowing he would see her later got him through each day and the horrendous amount of therapy.
Mercifully, the medication kicked in after a couple of weeks there. The hallucination of Kane had already stopped once Casey knew it wasn't real but the medication working helped him stay calmer.
He was on track to leave after being here for a month. These programs generally took about that long at minimum so it was a good sign.
Even so, he was impatient to leave. He hated being locked up away from Vera, knowing it stressed her out. He should be at the shop helping lighten her load. Not contributing to it.
Casey would still have a lot more therapy ahead of him. He didn't expect a lifetime of trauma to resolve so quickly. At least he would be able to do it on his own time. Once he got out, Dr. Barry recommended a therapist who specialized in PTSD and DID. Casey was supposed to see him twice a week.
Whatever it took. Casey would do whatever it took to get past this!