You wake up with the question you have always asked 'should I die today'. And the answer to the question you always gave : 'Not today'. You want to die but, you can't, you know that a scumbag like you will never attain peaceful death... when you die you will attain peace and you tried dying many times you almost tried to slit your throat once but when the knife came closer to your neck but you faltered and during the last moment you got terrified and threw the knife away... you felt even more pathetic that you are unable to kill yourself and from that day onwards you gave up on killing yourselves and gave up on life.
You feel miserable today, it is not new, You have always felt miserable. When You look at the dilapidated ceiling with cracks and leaks and you have been living here for three years now and you are still not be able to get used to this place. You indifferently looked at the ceiling for few seconds and stood up from your bed and you walk towards your bathroom.
You look at the mirror and you noticed your sunken cheeks and dark circle under your eyes this made you think about your health a little but you brushed the thought off as you realised that it was not really necessary.
You didn't really have a healthy relationship with your body but anyways it doesn't really matter you were really not great with maintaining a good routine, when you were young you tried to maintain your health but you just gave up... just like how you gave up on everything.
These days for you the slightest discomfort irks you and you just want to bash the person who annoys you but when you looked at your room washed with blood and a body in middle of it you realised one thing
"Why did I do that?"
***
"You're an idiot that's why!!"
The boss looked at me with a nasty expression as he was looking at an insect, My hatred for him increased even more as he wrongly accused me for something I didn't do but I still apologised as I knew if I argued my position We would not be able to come to any consensus.
"I-I am Sorry, Mr. Smith"
When I uttered this He sized me up and down and looked at me I tried to avoid his eyes and I don't know what happened he felt pity for me and just sighed
"If you ever fucking repeat this again, I will make sure I fire you personally"
After some apologising profusely and bootlicking (metaphorically). I came out of his office and quietly sat in my cubicle and sighed.
My friend (I don't remember his name) looked at me with pity
"Why do you put up with him? Why don't you talk back and tell him what you think?
"Nope, bad idea because if I uttered a word it would hurt his fucking fragile ego and he would lash which is not good for both of us"
"But I feel like at least you should talk with him normally and I don't he is an unreasonable person"
"Done that he wouldn't listen"
"Well anyways, Uh...Let's go outside to grab a bite"
"Alright, Let's go"
This is the thing about life even though you try to fix everything by either mimicking perfection or trying to near perfection all it takes one wrong step, one wrong move. The perfection would be shattered and it would be perfect no more.
You thought about all of this as a truck rammed at you and well you died bitch.
I hate that fucking voice which incessantly talks to me and it doesn't even wants me to die peacefully.
***
You were enveloped in bright light as you were being resurrected by an entity which is incomprehensible for humans or any other mortal creature to understand and since you are ...'you' the first word came out of you was:
"Motherfucker, Where the fuck am I"