SCOTT POV
Taking the risks, I overlooked all the odds ready to confess my extreme fondness I have for her. The time is now and in my head, all I want is her. "I tried so hard to keep you off my mind. I did my best to pull myself away from you.. but I just keep ending right next to you", I know I sounded like a fool seeing her widening her eyes. She wanted me to bare it all so, this is me exposing my inner feelings. "Ever since I imprinted on you, I think of you before I close my eyes. You fill my dreams, and even my nightmares. Your face is the first one I yearn to see upon sunrise.", I bit my lower lip as I pause for a while, trying to find the right words to sound not too desperate. "You pull me like magnet, Diana. I hold my breath when you're close to me just so I won't lose out of control and regrettably hurt you. And your scent? Goddamn, your scent drives me wild... I fight that urge to touch you, kiss you, and lock you in my arms. It tortures me, making all my nerves crave for you.", holding her hand, I sniffed her fingers before I kissed them. "The time when you were attacked by William, I sensed the danger but I was too late because I was sulking from my unjustifiable feelings. I wanted to kill them all, even Christina. But you said, I should choose to be kind. And, I did.. for you.", remembering that moment, I felt anger and regret for not being there for her. And I still regret that until today. I grasped her hand on my lap, caressed it with my thumb and stared at it. "It broke my heart when you cried at that café. I wanted to personally give you the napkin but, I didn't had enough courage. That I was not deserving to wipe those tears.", smiling a little as I exhaled sharply professing my sentiments. I could no longer look at her bewildered face. If she would take me for a creep or a jerk sealing my declaration of affection with an insult and humiliation, I would accept them wholeheartedly. No hurt whether verbal or physical can match what she has gone through because of me.
There was profound silence in the popping bursts of the fire in the hearth. She didn't move an inch, with her hand still on mine. We stayed that way not for too long, until I lifted my chin up to my Luna. I was stunned at her expressionless face, with cheeks blushing in crimson, and eyes clouded with tears.
"I almost die out of jealousy when other guys talk to you.. especially the time when you had lunch with some guy or... doctor.", lifting my brows at her as I curve my lips. I truly envy that vampire, and would love to kick his ass into ashes so he won't touch my Luna ever again. "And when I look into your eyes, I see my reflection.. a happier and at peace version of myself.", placing her hand back to her lap, squeezed them tight before I let it go. How could I deny myself from such glorious pleasure? But what totally bothers is me, is how do you walk away from it when it is part of your destiny?
"Didn't you hate me for being a doctor?", Diana looking puzzled at my confession. I knew this shall be another conflict to settle. And honestly, it will be long journey to go through it.
"I didn't particularly hated you. I hated myself. I'm not perfect, I have flaws. It may take a while for me to move forward, but I'm going to take all my chances and go beyond the extra mile. For you.", I moved closer to her as I gently twirl her hair with my finger. She rubbed her face with her palms, then rested them on her cheeks. With her sapphire eyes beaming from the unshed tears, she gazed at me like she's staring at my soul.
"So you have that kind affection for me because... you imprinted on me?", she asked as she wet her lips, with brows knitting slowly. "But Scott, I want to be loved for who I am, not because of an imprint. I don't think you'd take interests in me if not for that.. ", she looked down and started to fidget on the blanket. "I think, to be cherished at my best, and accepted at my worst are ones of the nice things of being loved. And, I want to have that..", she tucked her hair behind her ear, looking stoic and stern with her words on her thoughts about that thing called love.
Love is nothing but reckless. It brings about emotional whirlwinds with unstable intensity that may cause only chaos. Human emotions are nuanced on several conditions. They get easily persuaded in terms of where they find their comfort, happiness, anger, and fear. And they change given the circumstance. With that kind of affection, all things crumble down like a dying fire.
For us wolves, love is not a cog that makes our gears turn. We live by our instincts. Our way of life is simple. Live and outlive. Imprint and reproduce. Lead and fight for survival. My Luna may have imprinted on me, but living her life as a human without any recognition of her wolfness makes it more difficult for me to draw her in our animalistic way of life. The human influences earned her a great sense of control, suppressing the wolf in her. And with the spell of human love that comes with attachments of intimacy and commitment, our imprint becomes less important.
"You see.. I don't have any wolf senses like you.. But, I admit, I feel a sudden urge of not letting go of your hand when you hold me. My heart flutters when you smile at me.. And back in the island, for the first time in my life, I found tranquility in the company of a man.. even after the assault. All are too superficial, but.. ", it felt like she's going to reject me so I had to cut her off. No matter what her answer will be, she's my Luna. And I won't let her go.
"Diana, I'm a pure-blooded wolf and we trust on our gut-feel. The imprint may not be a free choice for us, but the more that I know you, the stronger and deeper my feelings become. My destiny is you, so I'll always choose you.", I lifted her chin up and looked at her as I swallow a gulp in my throat. "You may be different, but you're not any less than me. If you're unsure of what you feel, I won't force you. I'm willing to take the slow path to your heart until you figure that out.", caressing her cold cheek then her red lips."But I'm not a very patient man, Diana. I hope, you'll know what you feel very soon.", giving her an ultimatum may be unfair and too much for her. I have no other choice but I want her so bad. If chasing my Luna is one thing I'd do, I'll be best at it until I make her mine.
Reducing our distance as I lean more, I could feel the compulsion to shower her with kisses. As I close in, Diana didn't moved an inch. I saw her close her eyes and my heart skipped a beat at my Luna who's giving me the right to kiss her at this very moment. I placed my hand at the back of her head, rested my forehead on hers, then closed my eyes."If I kiss you, I may not be able to stop", breathless as I keep my position.
"Scott", she whispered. "Wait for me", she said as she put her hands around my neck.
I smiled and stroke her hair. With just one move, our lips could touch. But, I chose not to. "Don't make me wait for too long", I rested her head on my chest, hoping she'd feel the anxious beat of my lonely heart.
Humming a lullabye, I put my Luna to sleep in my arms. When she snoozed deeply enough, I carried her gently, and brought her up to my bedroom. Then, I laid her down carefully on the bed, and pulled up the covers. Staring at my delicate Luna, I wonder if humanity is strong enough to cage the wolf in her.