I opened my eyes and stared at the ceiling. Where was I? Oh, at home.
I sat up and rubbed my face with both of my hands. I looked at the window and the sky seemed red. I frowned. I was dazed. I tried to recall what I did the previous day and as everything came flooding, I didn't waste a minute before jumping out of bed and rushing out.
There in the kitchen, he stood in an apron, tasting something he had just cooked with a spoon.
"More salt." He muttered to himself and sprinkled some more salt on whatever he was cooking.
I walked back to my room and sat on the bed. He was there. Everything felt like a long dream. I stared at the floor and zoned out for a moment. Maybe because I had slept the whole day, it messed up my sleeping schedule for a day, and my heart was beating strangely. Just thinking about him was making my heart clench tightly. It felt weird.
I washed my face and walked out of my room. I walked closer to him. He didn't notice me until I was standing near the counter.
"Hi." I said.
He smiled broadly. "Hi. You are finally awake. It took me a long hour to figure out where things were. You live alone and yet you have things for a whole family of four or five. Anyway, I am cooking this chicken noodle soup. I mastered the recipe." He complaint like a wife and went on to brag about his skills.
I listened quietly as he continued on to say something more. I was hearing but not listening. I was lost in my own thoughts admiring his voice, his smile, his beauty and his everything. It was the first time I was hearing him speak so much. Those three days that we spent six years ago felt like a dream. This man speaking in front of me was completely a different person. He was more confident and didn't blush easily. But I was having no trouble falling for him again. The more I looked at him, the more I wanted to protect him. I wanted to hold onto him.
"Kwan? Kwan?" He called.
"Yeah?" I was brought back to the real world.
"I said let's set the plates. It's done."
"Oh, okay." I said, scratching the back of my head. I opened the cabinets and set out two bowls.
"You didn't listen to anything I said, right?" He asked, grabbing the bowls and serving noddles in them.
"Huh?"
He turned to look at me and narrowed his eyes. "You zoned out. I was talking about my skills."
I grinned sheepishly. He caught me.
He shook his head and filled the bowls with chicken noddle soup. Oh. Two bowls of chicken noodle soup?
"What did you cook for yourself?" I asked.
"Huh?" He pulled a tray out. "Oh, I turned non-vegetarian five years ago."
I stared at him in shock. "Really? Why?"
"Doctor told me I was too weak and needed to have more proteins so yeah, I tried it and though it was weird at first, I eventually started to like it."
I frowned. "Why did you visit a doctor?"
"Um eating dis-order. I didn't have enough proteins." He beamed a smile.
I stared at him in surprise. "Eating dis-order?" As per my memory, he loved food. I couldn't understand.
"Come, let's eat." He said, placing the bowls on a tray and walking to the dining.
I followed after him.
"Why did you suffer from eating dis-order?" I asked, sitting down.
"First, relax that frown on your face. It was nothing. You know how it gets after...a heart break. Like everything becomes depressing. It was the same for me. I lost weight and eventually had to see a doctor. He suggested me to try non-veg so yeah, here I am." He smiled, taking a spoon full of the soup.
I couldn't really explain how I felt at that moment. I had always been wondering what he had been up to, how he had been, if he was doing okay without me, if he just moved on easily, if he was leading a happy life. But in that moment, I knew he had been through a lot. Maybe even worse than me. Gosh, I never wanted to hug someone so bad.
"Kwan? Eat. It won't taste good if it gets cold." He said, slurping on the noodles.
I looked down. I wanted to hit myself. How could someone be so bad at consoling others? I had no words to comfort him. I didn't know what to do or say.
We had our meal in silence. I was still trying to make up some comforting words to say but I couldn't find any. Even if I found, I didn't know how to start.
"Um maybe I should leave now." He said as I walked back to the hall after doing the dishes. He was sitting on the couch with phone in hand. The truth is I didn't want him to leave.
I stared at him, contemplating on what excuse to make to make him stay.
He stood up with a small smile. "Thank you for your help. If it wasn't for you, I don't know if I could have ever gathered the courage to talk to the police about it."
I couldn't hold myself back anymore. I walked to him and slowly wrapped my arms around him, pulling him into a warm embrace. Surprisingly this time he didn't push me away, instead he loosely wrapped his arms around me.
"I am sorry you had to go through so much. Everything will be alright now." I muttered, almost at the brim of tears.
He exhaled loudly, rubbing my back. "I hope so."
When I was sure he wasn't going to push me away any sooner, I took my chance and pulled him closer, cradling his head. He rested his head against my chest silently. Could he hear my racing heart?
We stayed that way for a long time. It was like making up for all the moment that we missed. I had been mourning for his touch for so long. Nobody felt like him. I had tried but there was nobody else who could replace him. When I was with someone new, I had found myself comparing them to him. It was strange how less moments we had spent together and yet I couldn't forget about him.
"I should leave now." He said. His words contradicted his actions as he didn't move an inch from my arms.
I didn't say anything.
"Oh, we also have the upcoming trip. It would be fun I guess. I never went on a trip during my school days." He sighed.
"It will be fun." I muttered.
"Maybe I should leave now. My cat must be waiting for me." He chuckled, slowly pulling away. He looked up at me and smiled. "See you at the trip. It's the day after."
I smiled back, feeling a little lighter. "Sure. Pack warm clothes. It will be very cold in the hills."
He grinned. "You too." His eyes twinkled and for the first time after all those time, I saw his eyes come alive.
I pressed my lips together. Now, I didn't have any desire to let him go. "I will drop you home."
"Aiy, it's fine. You should take some rest. Hang out with friends. It's the New Year."
"Nope, let's drop you home first."
He flushed, smiling broadly.
For some reason, I couldn't stop smiling on the way to his place on the snow sided road. I drove as slow as possible even though the traffic was lighter than usual. We turned the radio on and listened to news and music. The atmosphere between us was light and happy. I liked it. I was happy after a long time. My heart felt full by just looking at him beside me. All those years when I tried to love someone else, I knew he was always there in my heart, somewhere within.
"Hey, I have talked to a lawyer about your case. Let's go meet her when we have time." I said, parking the car near his building. Just the thought of him walking away from me made my heart drop.
He looked at me in confusion. "Huh?"
"For your case. It's a friend, best known for her cases of domestic violence."
"Oh..."
"Why do you look so confused?" I asked.
"We have started something big, didn't we?" He bit his bottom lip.
I smiled. "Yes we did."
He sighed and looked down.
"Hey." I reached out to place my hand over his on his thigh. I clutched it gently. "It will be okay. Go and take rest. If any problem arises, call me." I squeezed his hand.
He looked up and smiled. "Thank you."
I couldn't hold myself back anymore. I unbuckled my seat belt and leaned slowly, placing my hand over the back of his neck. His eyes widened for a moment then squeezed them shut tightly. I shook my head with a smile and placed a light kiss on his forehead. I leaned away, smiling. He opened his eyes, cheeks turning red. He stared at me.
"What?" I laughed. For some reason, he looked pissed. Was he disappointed that I didn't do as he expected?
Suddenly he tugged on my shirt's collar, pulling me to him aggressively and crushed his lips against mine. In an instance I held my breath in shock. My eyes were wide open, watching his face so close to mine. I closed my eyes as his lips started to move. I felt dazed. My heart was beating too fast. I clutched the nape of his neck and pulled him closer, deepening the kiss. I felt overwhelmed by my feelings. I wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. He started to pull away and I leaned forward, not wanting to break the kiss. He placed a hand over my chest and the kiss broke with a low smooch sound.
"Um get home safe. Bye." He said, avoiding my eyes. His cheeks and ears had turned red.
Before I could say anything, he opened the door and rushed out. I stared after him in a daze. As he disappeared out of sight, I leaned my head against the steering wheel, grinning broadly.
........