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Chapter 26 - Chapter-18

"Happy Anniversary, I guess. It's been one year since we started talking with each other. So yeah, we can say it's our meeting anniversary...I guess." I murmured sleepily. It was past one at night. He was hanging out with his friends so he was late and I was waiting for him to come talk with me so that I could wish him.

He gasped loudly. "Oh god! I...I am so sorry for coming late. Happy Anniversary... I-I forgot about it. I mean I don't even remember when we started talking. I just remember it was a rainy night. I don't remember the date."

I smiled, my eyelids turning heavy. "That's why I kept track of it. We aren't official yet so let's take this date as our anniversary. I started to like you from the very first day anyway."

He sighed. "Now you are making me miss your presence."

"I miss you too. You are so busy these days. We hardly talked for half an hour after I got back home last week. You are always hanging out with friends." I said. It had definitely upset me. Sometimes I got mad too. I needed his time, at least an hour. I got used to him that I couldn't even sleep well if I didn't talk with him.The last week had been difficult for me. He was busy after our meet and we hadn't even talked properly after that.

"I know. I know. But it has been hectic these days. It's our last semester so we are just hanging out to make memories. And I am going home tomorrow. My cousins are coming over for some days so...I guess I will be busy again."

I sighed. He killed my expectation. I actually expected him to apologize for not making time for me. But I guess I was just being immature because I was missing him like crazy. I kept quiet. My heart aching a little as I started to feel he didn't care enough.

"It's pretty late. You can go back to sleep." He said. Something about him had changed. I started to feel the oddness from the third day of our meet. He was acting strange. He didn't even tell me what he was feeling.

"Are you angry at me?" I asked, finally giving up on my patience. I had decided to wait for him to open up by himself but I just couldn't hold back anymore.

He was quiet for a moment and it broke my heart. Something was definitely wrong. In that moment, a lump rose in my throat. Why was he being like that? "Why would you think that?" He asked and it was not the reply I was expecting.

I bit down on my lips. "Something seems off. You...feel different after we met."

He was quiet for another moment. And the little silence was unbearable.

"Are you...tired of me?" I asked with a tight throat.

He sighed heavily. "It's not like that, Kwan. It's just...nothing."

I prepared myself for whatever was coming. I took a deep breath. "You can tell me."

"I...I love you." He paused for a brief moment for me to speak but I was too stunned to speak. He had said it out loud. It was taking me a moment to process my thoughts. When I didn't speak, he continued. "See, that's the problem."

I frowned. "What?" I couldn't understand.

"You never told me you love me back. It had been always me who said I love you first but you never said it back." He said, his tone getting a little heavier and ruder. It pierced my heart. He had never spoken to me in that way.

"I...I am sorry." I apologized. It was just eight letters, but why was it so hard to say?

He didn't speak. I knew he was mad. I remained quiet. For a moment, I thought of saying it back but it didn't feel like the right time.

We stayed in silence for a long time until he finally sighed. "Sorry...I shouldn't have talked in that tone with you. It's just...I am a little frustrated these days about my life and future. I shouldn't be like this to you. I am sorry..."

My heart sank a little. "It's okay..." I was hurt and I wouldn't lie.

"Oh god. I must be losing my mind. I haven't slept well for so long. The anxiety keeps me awake at night. And now I am being like this to the only person I have. I- I..." He trailed off in frustration.

I gulped down the lump in my throat. "You must be tired. You should sleep now. Take proper rest. Try to clear your mind before sleeping. We can talk tomorrow."

"Kwan, listen. I didn't mean to-"

"It's alright. Sleep now. We will talk tomorrow."

He sighed but didn't speak.

"Calm down and get proper sleep. We will talk when our minds are free."

"Yeah, you are right. Let's talk when our minds are free. Goodnight."

My eyes flew wide open in shock. He had never told me goodnight first. It had always been me and he had told himself that he didn't like to say it first and would always wait for me to say it. In the past, no matter how sleepy he was, he would always wait for me to say it first. But what was with him that day? Why was he breaking my heart like that?

"Oh god. Now I feel like beating myself up." He spoke through gritted teeth, realizing what he had done.

I couldn't hold my tears anymore. A tear rolled down the corner of my eyes. "Goodnight. Sleep well."

"Kwan-"

"Don't think too much. Everything will be alright. Sweet dreams." I said and hung up without listening to his reply. I covered my eyes with my arm and sobbed quietly. My heart ached so bad. He was being so different. I turned my phone off and cried silently for a while. Then being tired of crying, I drifted off to sleep, hoping we could make it work if we communicated with each other.

I woke up at seven the next morning and turned my phone on. To my disappointment, there were no phone calls or texts from him. I texted him a good morning and stared at our older messages for a while. He was so sweet then. Coincidentally, He came online and texted a good morning too. I sent him a smiley emoji.

I have something to tell you.

you can tell me now.

No, I will tell you at night. It doesn't feel

good to say it in a rush. I will tell comfortably

tonight.

Okay, but you probably won't get the time tonight.

No, I will surely make time tonight,

for you.

Okay.

It definitely made me feel better. I exhaled. Everything would be alright. of course. It was just a phase and we would get over it. I was curious as to what he wanted to tell me. I knew I would be thinking about it the whole day. I wished him a safe journey back home and placed my phone down. I freshened up and went through my day.

I was caught up with my younger sister the whole day that I didn't get the time to check my phone. I checked my phone later that evening and found a text from him.

Kwan...I am going home. Uh...the situation is

really bad so I guess I will come late at night.

Don't wait for me. Sleep early.

I frowned at the text. What did he mean the situation was bad? I grew concerned and texted him to take care of himself. I started to think about what the bad situation might be. And thinking too much about it, I started to grow anxious as his reply wasn't coming till late at night. For a moment, I thought he would call me at night but he didn't. I texted him goodnight and went to bed. The next morning I woke up and expected a text from him but there weren't any. It concerned me. What was wrong with him? He had never been like that. I assured myself by thinking that he must have fallen asleep without checking his phone.

I texted him a good morning and went on with my day. He didn't text back till the afternoon even. I assured myself that he must be having a reason. But by the evening, it was too much. I couldn't care about anything and called him. It did ring but he didn't pick up. I called him again but no reply. Maybe he was busy with some family business. I assured myself that he would text back soon. But I started to panic when I called him after dinner and he didn't pick up again. I called him several times but no reply. He hadn't even seen my texts. I texted him again that he had started to worry me and that he should at least text me back something. If he would even see my texts, it would be enough for me but he hadn't seen my texts since the previous night.

I tossed and turned on bed that night, unable to sleep. My conflicting feelings were not letting me sleep. I was panicking and growing anxious, checking my phone every few minutes. He hadn't seen my texts. I had called him several times before going to bed but he didn't pick up. I started to feel he was doing it intentionally. And I could tell something was seriously wrong. He would never do that to me. Never. He must be doing it intentionally but why?

I didn't sleep a blink that night. I laid awake like an owl, checking my phone now and then. He didn't text back, didn't even read my texts. I started to get mad at the treatment. So I decided to stop calling him for that day. Maybe he would realize and call me back. Or maybe he had some reason.

I went for cycling in the evening to clear my mind. I had started to make wild guesses and the worst I could think was maybe he didn't want me anymore. Maybe he couldn't say it to my face. That's why he decided to cut me off out of nowhere. Maybe he lost interest in me. Maybe he didn't want to talk with me anymore. Maybe he...just didn't want me anymore...

The sky roared loudly and thunders shot across the sky as I paddled down the street. My vision was starting to get blurry. Fat drops of rain started to spot my shirt. The street was empty and there was no building where I could take shelter. I paddled harder and the rain fell stronger. Soon, I spotted an empty bus stop and rushed to take shelter in it. I was completely soaked and shivering, not because of cold but because of the uncontrollable tears running down my cheeks. I sat there alone and shook with tears for a long time. I pulled my phone out and with a heavy heart, called him again. It felt like a knife stabbed my heart as a voice said 'the number you are dialing doesn't exist'. I called him again and it repeated the same thing. I called him more than twenty times and it repeated the same thing again and again.

I cried my heart out in that empty bus stop and picked myself up, assuring it was not the end. He would come around, definitely. He wouldn't do that to me. He would never hurt me so bad. He wouldn't just cut me off. He loved me. He wouldn't do anything like that.

..............

The next few days were like hell. His number didn't exist anymore. He never read my texts. He never said anything. He just disappeared...just like that. Without saying anything, he was just gone, leaving me hanging to wonder what really went wrong for him to be that way. What made him do that to me? I checked the app where we first met but our chats there were cleared. It would clear chats itself every month. I texted him there too but the texts were not delivered and it remained undelivered for the rest of the days.

A week passed and I had to go back to hostel. This time, I didn't take my phone with me. I didn't want to break my heart waiting for his reply that I started to believe will never come. The sadness slowly turned into wrath and I just stopped caring about it for a while. But then there were moments I missed him. I randomly burst out in tears and my friends thought I was crazy. I missed him every single day. Even when I sat down to study to distract myself, he would be running in my mind. I just couldn't understand why he would do me like that. There was no one I could share my story too. What would I say to others anyway? That I fell in love with a boy and that he left me?

Sometimes I just hoped that I would find texts or missed calls when I would check my phone the next time. And that next time would be after two months because I had my exams within those months. I was broken and shattered. I cried myself to sleep every night. And whenever it rained, it made me feel worse. The heavy pouring beating outside just reminded me of moments we had spent together. We were so in love, then what went wrong?

I should have told him sooner that I loved him. I should have said those words out loud. Maybe if I said it, he would be still with me. But that reason felt too silly for him to do such a big thing. He wouldn't leave me hanging just because I didn't say it out loud. We both believed in communicating with each other and making things work. He wouldn't just leave me.

With passing days, the pain started to numb me. The random crying didn't stop and it became worse after I finished my exams and had to plan for further studies. I had everything set. I thought I would run to him as soon as my exams would be over. But I suddenly started to feel homeless as I felt lost without a way to him. He was gone. My heart couldn't take it when I turned my phone on, in hope to find texts from him but there were none. It was same as I left it as two months back. He hadn't even read my texts. Shaking with tears, I tried his number like a crazy man but it didn't exist anymore. He was gone. That time, I was sure he was gone.

I was left wondering, how was I going to cope up with my life?

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