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Chapter 5 - Complexities

+Why are you still here?

I still have things I have to do?

+Are you not still suffering? 

Of course, living is unbelievably hard at times.

+Is the pain really worth the effort?

I haven't decided yet. I'd like to think it's all for something.

+What if it is not? How can you be sure?

Hehe, I'm not really sure of anything honestly.

+How can you continue on even when you want to die?

I grit my teeth and remind myself I'm not alone. I'm not just living for me.

+How do you mean?

It's simple really, everyone I've connected with has a piece of me. If I leave I will never be able to look them in the eyes again.

+Are they really that important to you? Is it not easier to give up?

Yes, however I've never been one to take the easy way. I tend to go the most complicated route.

+You are strong, despite your heart being fragile.

You give me more credit than I deserve. I simply am too much of a coward to give up.

+Is that not a contradiction? 

Yes well… I suppose you're not wrong.

+Elaborate on what you are thinking.

I'm afraid of what will happen to everyone else. Just the mere thought of being the reason they despair eats away at me.

+You seem to think of yourself as a burden? Does that not outweigh your fear?

+No. I have friends who choose to stay by my side. No matter how damaged I am. I want to continue to exist to see how everything plays out.

+Is that a selfish reason to continue living? 

Perhaps. 

+You do not strike me as the selfish type. 

No, I'm normally meek and afraid of everything. Despite those flaws I try to allow myself breaks to do what I want. I allow myself to do what needs to be done.

+…

Do you have no other questions?

+…

So this is goodbye then. 

+No, we will talk again. When we do I will ask you again.

Alright I'm looking forward to it.

+As am I. You interest me with your responses.  I hope you do not change.

I can't guarantee I will be the same person I was. The thing about humans is we tend to grow with every new experience. My views may change and I may understand what previously vexed me.

+An answer I would expect from you. Farewell, till next time we meet my little friend.

Yes, I'll miss you looking down on me. I look forward to hearing all the new questions you have for me. Old friend til next we meet, I'll have the answers you seek on hand. Don't forget about me.

+I would never do a thing like that.

I love you

+…

+...

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