Looking back and remembering their journey since leaving Whisky Peak, the girl could recall nothing deserving of particular attention. Luffy, in her view, had always behaved exactly the same. Stupid jokes, endless chatter, constant whining about boredom, and various insane antics. Very insane antics. Tashigi herself would never again be able to hear the word 'fishing' normally. Yet nothing unusual had happened. Everything had remained consistently abnormal.
"Doesn't do anything?" Zoro smirked. "Are you sure?"
Human emotions were an amazing thing. Usually when the swordsman smirked, people went pale and broke into sweat. Tashigi, on seeing the smirk on his face, blushed and lowered her gaze. Instead of a surge of fear, she experienced a surge of very different emotions. Because of those emotions, she did not immediately process Zoro's words, and then needed still more time to give a coherent answer.
"Since we left Whisky Peak, I haven't once seen him do anything particularly remarkable," Tashigi admitted honestly. "Or rather, he's done plenty of remarkable things—his fishing alone—but from what I've understood, that's normal for him. Before Whisky Peak or after, he's always behaved the same way."
"The same?" Zoro repeated with the same smirk. "Then why hasn't he dumped absolutely all of Vivi's training on me? Why should he care how strong Vivi becomes? And why should he care how quickly she becomes strong?"
"...Maybe he was bored, or Nami asked him?" Tashigi suggested, naming what she considered the two most likely explanations.
"Boredom and Nami really can make Luffy do things that aren't typical for him," Zoro agreed. "And it's very bad that you understand that so clearly. Bad for you."
"Why is that?!" the girl demanded indignantly.
"No point explaining. You'll understand yourself in the future."
"You mean because I know so much about everyone, Luffy-san won't let me leave the ship?"
The possibility that they might kill her never even occurred to Tashigi anymore; she had passed that stage long ago. By now, she knew for certain that Nami would not let anyone touch a hair on her head, much less kill her. Not that anything worse than frayed nerves and wounded pride had ever really threatened her in the first place.
"Why wouldn't he let you? I think your journey on the Going Merry will end in Alabasta," Zoro said calmly, making the girl's heart contract painfully with his words. "No, believe me, nobody is going to keep you aboard by force. I don't want to scare you unnecessarily, but your problems are much more serious now." Contrary to his own words, he tried to frighten her even more.
"...You mean my long supposed captivity? I'll have problems with senior officers? They'll suspect me of betrayal? Is that what you mean?"
"Those are problems?" The young man gave Tashigi a mocking look. "Just hit harder. Then all their questions will disappear by themselves."
In the past she would have treated such advice not as advice but as mockery or nonsense. Now the girl could only nod in agreement. Another excellent example of the importance of personal strength. Really, if somebody began pressing her too hard after she returned to active Marine service, a couple of good punches to the jaw ought to put everything in its proper place. It did not matter whether the person was an ordinary soldier, an officer, or an investigator. The important thing, Tashigi believed, was that no vice admiral or anyone higher decide to question her personally. Smashing the faces of people like that would be rather difficult, though she somehow doubted such an outcome. She was not important enough. The rest of the world also had only a weak understanding of the true threat posed by the Straw Hats, so nothing endangered her from that direction either. At least not in the near future. Though depending on the result of their coming meeting with Crocodile, everything could change.
"So what problems do I have, then?" Tashigi continued pressing. "And serious ones at that?"
"I told you, you'll understand with time," Zoro refused to retreat. "And I thought we were talking about Vivi here. Or are you no longer interested?"
Of course she was interested. But the girl wanted to know about her own problems too. The hint, however, was more than transparent: either they returned to the subject of Vivi, or the conversation ended here. Tashigi did not want to choose, but she wanted to continue talking far more than she wanted to satisfy her curiosity. And who could guarantee she would get an answer even if she insisted? So she chose. Besides, Zoro rarely spoke to her outside training. Mostly because somebody else was almost always nearby. Right now, apart from the two of them and Robin, there was nothing around them but jungle and water.
"All right, then what about Vivi-sama?" Tashigi asked obediently, returning to the previous subject. "What plans does Luffy-san have for her?"
"I get the impression you don't want to think at all." For the first time in quite a while, Zoro frowned. "I've already given you every possible clue, but for some reason you don't want to use your head right now."
Tashigi did not answer. She had nothing to object to. The girl herself understood perfectly well that her emotions were preventing her from thinking clearly. The simple fact that she felt genuine joy from an ordinary conversation with Zoro already told her a great deal. Like a teenage girl beside the boy she liked. And of course she could not forget her captain. Sometimes Tashigi felt as though the ghost of her dead captain stood somewhere nearby, never taking his condemning gaze off her. As though she had betrayed him. Or was it no longer 'as though'? Had she truly betrayed him already? Tashigi did not know. Intellectually she understood that Zoro was a government-wanted criminal, the killer of someone dear to her, and in many respects a very frightening and terrible man. Tashigi knew with certainty that in the future, far more than a few dozen Marines would die by Zoro's hand—probably far more than a few tens of thousands. Hundreds of families would be destroyed; thousands of someone's sons and daughters, thousands of fathers and mothers, would be buried. Beside her stood a monster who would be better off dead. Intellectually, Tashigi understood all of that perfectly. Her mind understood. Her damned heart thought otherwise.
"You're thinking about something else again!" Zoro caught her when he noticed the haze in her gaze and the complete chaos of her emotions.
Observation Haki was simply irreplaceable at moments like that, allowing its user to understand far more subtle details than would otherwise be possible.
"Sorry," Tashigi apologized. "It's just... I was thinking about my captain again." It would be no exaggeration to say that the girl's guilt grew in direct proportion to her feelings for Zoro. The stronger and more varied the latter became, the deeper and stronger the former grew. "Whenever the two of us are alone, I always start thinking about him."
Turning and reaching out, Zoro took the girl firmly by the chin and forced her to look him directly in the eye.
"Yes, I killed your captain," the young man said, abandoning Luffy's game of 'truth' with Tashigi and switching to outright lying. "I killed him because he took too much upon himself. I killed him because he was weak and didn't understand his own weakness. I killed him because he was a typical idiot who ate a Logia Fruit and started believing he was completely invulnerable. I killed him. So what? Is there something you want to say to me?"
"..."
Tashigi could only stare silently back, while her eyes began turning suspiciously red. After some time, when tears were already shining in their corners, she tried to look away, but Zoro did not let her. His behavior now strongly resembled Luffy's. Usually only Luffy found enjoyment in situations like the one that had developed between Zoro and Tashigi. Yet, ashamed though the swordsman was to admit it, lately he himself had begun enjoying the misunderstanding that had first arisen between them and had since been intensified by omissions and outright 'truth'. The young man could not deny the attraction of the internal struggle that had been taking place inside the girl for so long. Zoro understood that if he truly had killed Smoker, he would not have been able to watch Tashigi suffer; guilt would have eaten him alive. She resembled Kuina far too strongly. In practically everything, and on an almost mystical level. Kuina, Zoro now understood clearly, was his personal Achilles' heel. Childhood psychological wounds were like that: impossible to get rid of and capable of catching up with you at any moment. Fortunately for him, he had not killed Smoker, and could therefore enjoy the girl's inner conflict to his heart's content.
"Remember the first day we met, when you'd only just woken up aboard our ship?" Zoro asked rhetorically without releasing Tashigi's chin. "You swore you'd kill me. Swore you'd put our entire family in prison. There was so much rage in you. So much anger. Where has all of that gone now? I don't know about you, but personally, instead of a blood enemy wishing me dead, I think I've gained an excellent student. A talented, obedient, loyal student—so loyal she managed to forgive me for killing someone dear to her. Isn't she incredible? What do you think?"
Tears had long since begun pouring down the girl's cheeks, but she made no attempt to break free and no longer tried to look away from Zoro's eyes. The world was full of beautiful women whose faces became irritating, unpleasant, or even genuinely repulsive when they cried. Tashigi was not one of them. Over the previous months, the girl had filled out nicely in all the right places and finally begun looking her actual age. Her hair had also grown considerably, and at Nami's insistence she had developed the habit of gathering it at the back of her head with a claw clip, giving her an even more feminine appearance. It was not exactly a case of an ugly duckling becoming a beautiful swan—she had been quite pretty before—but she definitely no longer disappeared beside Robin and Vivi, occupying a niche somewhere between them. Looking at her tear-streaked face now, one could say with certainty that Tashigi was extraordinarily beautiful in her misery. Torn by contradictions, she suffered sincerely, without a trace of falseness. Like a white-winged angel descending into darkness, whose feathers had already begun turning black. Naturally, Zoro could never have put his thoughts into words like that, but that did not mean he could not appreciate the beauty of the moment.
"I'm actually curious now. Do you really not understand how serious your problems are, or are you simply lying to yourself?" the young man asked, continuing to watch the silently crying girl.
Zoro would have given a great deal to be beside her at the exact moment when she finally encountered the very-much-alive Smoker. If her current transformation resembled an angel falling into darkness, then after that meeting she would more likely become a fiery phoenix rising from the ashes, with the fire and ash symbolizing her emotions. Again, not Zoro's words, but his feelings. He was prepared to admit honestly that he now understood better than ever why Luffy constantly bothered with all those psychological games. It was difficult to name any price equal to personally witnessing transformations like these. And Zoro understood that Tashigi's metamorphosis would not end after meeting Smoker. More likely, that meeting would be where everything truly began. Who could say where it would all lead in the future? What consequences would follow? Luffy loved adventures, and Tashigi promised to become a full-sized boulder thrown into the still waters of the Marines. The ripples spreading outward might affect the world months, years, and decades after the throw. Watching that... uncertainty, anticipation, surprise... was that not simply another form of adventure?
"Stop crying," Zoro said, removing his hand. "The past can't be changed, so all you can do is move forward or die. And nobody is going to let you die. We don't have weaklings like that on this ship."
Lowering her head, Tashigi silently wiped her tears away with her hands.
"And since you're my student, it's time you properly dirtied your hands."
Depressed or not, the girl could not possibly ignore a statement like that.
"Dirty my hands?" She raised her red, tear-swollen eyes toward Zoro.
Tashigi did not object to being called his student. Several months earlier she would have argued herself hoarse, and Zoro himself would never have acknowledged her as his student. Now denying it was simply foolish. From a swordsman larva—admittedly a solid larva—the young man had turned her over the previous months into a first-rate swordswoman with enormous potential for further growth. Most importantly, all that time Tashigi had been tempered in her own emotions. Now all that remained was to stain her sword properly with blood and meet Smoker. Then the Marines would gain a new and powerful weapon of justice.
"You'll agree it'd be sad if, after all my work, some idiot killed you just because you showed weakness at the wrong moment. A sword is a weapon for killing. A sword afraid of blood is a weak sword. I won't say your sword is afraid of blood, but I won't call it strong either. You have excellent sword technique now, enough strength, speed, and endurance for battle, and an excellent blade in your hand. But your hands still lack firmness. You still fight wanting to defeat your opponent rather than kill them. Training with Yosaku helped you noticeably"—Tashigi had been forced to kill the young man a tremendous number of times in all sorts of ways—"but it's still not enough. Against weak opponents your approach isn't dangerous. It'll become dangerous when you fight someone strong with that same approach. That will almost certainly cost you your life. I'm not satisfied with that outcome, so it's time to eliminate this weakness of yours completely. And right now, the island offers the most favorable conditions possible."
"You want me to go kill agents of Barf Works?" Tashigi asked.
The girl had evidently forgotten the organization's real name. Or she was too emotionally upset to remember or care about such trivialities.
"It'll be useful for you," Zoro nodded. "But first, you have to save our immortal idiot," he added with irritation in his voice, once again shifting his gaze toward the jungle.
"I need to save... Yosaku?" Tashigi herself could barely believe she had just said those words.
Despite all her newly acquired strength, the girl had not once managed to win a spar against Johnny or Yosaku. How was she supposed to save someone stronger than her? At least now she understood why Zoro kept looking toward the jungle: he was obviously tracking events using Observation Haki.
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