Ayesha knocked the door gently.
Once.
Twice.
No response.
"Rushaan ji, may I come in?" She asked softly. She clenched and unclenched her fist on her saree. She was used to his mocking, his commanding and controlling nature, but not this silence.
"Rushaan ji, I am asking something..." She spoke again.
No response still.
A sigh left her mouth; her eyes fixed on a distant lower point.
"You don't need my permission to enter our room."
The eyes which were lost in thought widened slightly. The statement which came from inside was true, logical also. But something in that tone felt... solely hers.
Our.
A small sheepish smile formed on her lips. Her hand reached the door knob and turned it around to enter.
But the view inside, was much more different than the tone.
He was silent.
Not waiting for scolding her, not waiting for commanding her. Just standing in front of the huge glass window, staring at the sky. His strong, veiny hands were in his trousers' pockets. And for the first time, Ayesha witnessed Rushaan Amogh, hiding his eyes from her.
She cleared her throat once and took a step towards the table, filling a glass of water with the jug.
"This family is really weird. One man looks at cityscape when he is stressed, and the other looks at sky... I never knew windows could be that important."
A dry chuckle left his mouth, but not once did he even glance at her.
"Because none of us can reach what we see. He cannot reach the normalcy; I can't reach the top."
She stepped towards him and handed him the glass of water, standing just beside him.
"Look at that cloud." She pointed at one of the clouds. "Isn't that looking like a butterfly?"
He focused his view on the direction.
"No. It doesn't. It looks like a... carrot."
Her eyes shot up at him suddenly.
"A C-carrot?" She paused for a moment before saying. "If you are that hungry, I'll bring the meal for you, just stop imagining things anywhere."
She turned around to leave, but suddenly, felt a tug on her wrist.
"Don't go. I am hungry for wisdom. Knowledge."
She turned her head to look at him just for a fraction of second. He had finally looked at her. His eyes moistened for the first time. Her eyes searched his for a hint of deceit, manipulation. But this time, there was none.
With a light nod she turned and sat on the bed.
She waited for him to sit beside her too, but out of a sudden, he collapsed down, with silent tears. His head rested on her knees, and trembling hands reaching her saree in a hope to anchor him.
"A-am I that bad, Ayesha? Am I that disposable?" His voice was trembling, lips were quivering.
Ayesha hesitated for a moment. Everything went blank to her. How can she... handle this Rushaan Amogh.
Finally, she reached out her hand and few seconds later, caressed his hair gently.
"No, you are not that bad. You are not disposable."
"I... am. I have no one in this world, Ayesha. Why does everyone use me?"
Ayesha cupped his cheek by her other hand, wiping his tears from his lowered head, while her other hand caressed his hair.
"Because you never appreciated the people who saw you important in their lives."
For a moment, no one spoke.
Rushaan felt a sharp knife grazing in his heart. Hurtful. But true.
He left her knees suddenly, and with the support of bed, sat on the mattress.
"But that doesn't mean you are the worst person in the world. People are worse than you. You're just... one of them at the moment. Did you ever appreciate someone in life? Let me answer. No, not yet."
"I...I did appreciate..." He defended himself, but the names in his mind- they disappeared. No, even he knew the answer.
He facepalmed himself and rested his elbows on his knees.
"How will I ever meet eyes with Vivaan bhaiya!"
She caressed his head once more and said-
"Be honest, apologise. Do what you should do, rest depends on him. Atleast make efforts."
"I didn't do it for property Ayesha... I really didn't. I was blinded. Blinded enough that, father gave me targets and I blindly went to complete that, or he would have removed me from all his relations and everything."
"That doesn't excuse your deeds. But that explains your thinking."
His eyes looked up at her, as if searching for answer.
"I mean to say..." Ayesha spoke, after having a sip of water. "That the reason doesn't excuse what wrongs you did. You hurted Vivaan, Kruthi, the 36 women you dated. But that explains why you did it. You didn't have a choice. Perhaps, the people may not forgive but atleast they'd reduce their accusations on you slightly."
He stayed silent for a moment.
"Will you forgive me?"
She withdrawed her hand immediately, her eyes searching around the floor.
"What kind of question is that?"
"I... why are you helping me still? I was horrible to you."
She looked up at him, directly in his eyes, but not with anger, just a soft expression which pleaded him to understand her.
"I am angry with you Rushaan but... I am present here as a human, helping another one. As a wife I am still angry."
"Is there any chance of forgiveness under 15 years of our marriage?"
Ayesha thought for a moment, then spoke.
"15 years of marriage is too long. Prove me that you deserve my forgiveness...."
"How?" He stared at her in a confused expression.
"That you think. You can make strategies to complete your father's targets, but not for apologising to those whom you hurted?"
"I will try..." He responded and stood up dabbing his face with handkerchief. "First, I need to meet Vivaan bhai."
With that he turned his heel around and walked out of the room, moving through the corridors to reach the side of mansion he never approached.