What conversation? I stood there looking at her, confused. She'd have to be more specific because we talked multiple times today.
"In Edge Sports, before the men attacked us, you said you had something to tell me," Nicole said, her eyes scanning the surroundings as if expecting something or someone.
I gave her a blank stare, still confused. "I told you I want to be with you and learn everything about you. You still didn't give me an answer."
Nicole's face tightened with frustration as her shoulders stiffened, her arms crossed tightly over her chest. Her lips pressed into a thin line, almost as if she were holding back something.
Nicole's face tightened with frustration. "I told you I wanted to hear your answer, Jasmine. It's not fair to leave me hanging like this."
I blinked, the words not immediately making sense. Was this what she was talking about? I had meant to give her an answer, but I don't know how she is going to handle it. But now, with her remembering and looking for answers, I knew I couldn't avoid this any longer.
"Right," I muttered, trying to keep my tone casual. My hands involuntarily clenched at my sides as I tried to hold on to my composure. "I didn't forget. I just—"
Nicole cut me off, her voice sharp. She took a step forward, closing the space between us, her jaw tightening with each word. "Jasmine, I need an answer. I can't keep wondering what's going on in your head. You're not making this easy. If this isn't serious, just tell me. I won't be mad."
I exhaled slowly, my eyes drifting down to the ground as the weight of the moment hit me. The air felt heavier now, my chest was tight as I took a deep breath, trying to steady myself. She had every right to be frustrated. I had kept things from her. Not out of malice, but because I never thought it would matter. But now it did.
I took a deep breath before looking back at her. "Nicole, what you need to know... is that I'm polyamorous. I've been in relationships with other people, and I've been open about it with them. I didn't want to complicate things between us. I didn't want you to think you weren't enough, but I should have told you sooner."
Nicole's eyes widened, and her brows furrowed, her mouth slightly opening in shock before she closed it again. She took a slow step back, clearly processing. Her arms crossed more tightly around herself as she processed the words, her stance growing more defensive.
"What do you mean by that?" she asked, her voice a little softer, but still edged with confusion.
I looked down for a moment, gathering my thoughts. I could feel the weight of her gaze on me. "I mean, I'm in relationships with other women. Five of them, to be exact. I didn't tell you before because... well, I didn't know if we were serious or not."
Nicole took a step back, her face a mixture of shock and disbelief. Her hands trembled slightly, but she quickly balled them into fists at her sides. "You're in relationships with other women?" She shook her head, the frustration evident in her tone. "How long have you been hiding this from me, Jasmine?"
I could feel the tension rising in her words, but I had to explain. "Nicole, I care about you. You're my... my present. But the others—they are a part of me and help shape the woman you see today. Each of them is different, and they represent something important to me. I didn't want to keep them a secret, but I honestly didn't think I would fall for someone else until I met you. It sounds fake, but you are the only one I've been with in years. Of course, we call and speak to each other but the rest didn't want to settle down so we decided to each live our own lives."
Nicole's lips trembled, and she turned her face away from me for a moment, her breath coming out in a sharp exhale. "So, y'all aren't serious just fuck buddies when you are near each other."
"No," I said quickly, stepping closer to her. I reached out, but then stopped myself, feeling the distance between us growing. "It's not like that. None of them are like... that." I paused, carefully choosing my words. "They're part of a bigger part of me, Nicole. I love them—each in their own way and I believe the rest aren't with anyone else just me."
Nicole's expression softened for a moment, but there was still a sharp edge to her voice when she spoke. "Wow, you just fucking around. Who are they? What are their names? Do they know about me?"
"Yes, and like I said it's not like that. They permitted me to seek others and you are the only one I've been with." I hissed trying to press down the frustration. "They all know about you except one. I told them when I started getting feelings and they know about each other too." I took a breath before continuing. "Their names are Layla, Gabriella, Samira, Isabella, and Scarlet."
Nicole's hands clenched into fists again, her whole body shaking with frustration as she held herself back from yelling. "Do the kids know?" She asked looking towards Sol.
"Yes, the kids have met some of them but it has been a while," I said nodding.
Nicole took a slow, shaky breath, her voice quieter this time, but still laced with confusion and hurt. "You're telling me all this now, after everything we've been through? After what we've shared?" She looked down at her hands, almost like she was trying to collect her thoughts. "You never told me about them... not once. And now you're saying it's not cheating? How does that even work?"
I stepped closer, not wanting to overwhelm her but knowing we had to have this conversation. My hand reached out, brushing her arm lightly, but she tensed under my touch. "I'm not asking you to understand right away, Nicole. I just need you to know the truth. I've never been dishonest with you about my feelings for you. I care about you deeply. But this... it's part of who I am. I've been open about it with them. I wanted to be open with you too."
Nicole's silence stretched on for a long time, and I could feel the weight of her internal struggle. "And you... you love all of them?"
"Yes. But I love you too. More than anything."
Nicole looked up at me then, her expression torn between frustration and understanding. "I need time to process this," she said, her voice softening, but the weight was still heavy in the air. "I don't know what to think right now."
I nodded, feeling a tightness in my chest. "Take all the time you need, Nicole. But please know, I'm not asking you to accept this overnight. I just needed you to know who I am."
Nicole nodded slowly, her eyes still not fully meeting mine. "I can't promise anything, Jasmine. But I'll think about it."
I nodded back, feeling the familiar pang of guilt but also the quiet relief of finally being honest. It wasn't easy, but it was necessary.
"Wait, what will happen to y'all relationship with all of this going on?" Nicole said waving her hand around and gesturing to our situation. I looked around and sighed, trying to push down the weight of the situation.
"Honestly, Scarlet probably knows that someone was tracking me and trying to either arrest me or kill me. Very few things get past her and she might have told the others. So they could either be in the States planning to rescue me or were held up somewhere." I said unsure.
"What does Scarlet do?"
"She is an information broker but hacks and works some mafia." I shrugged and Nicole gave me this deadpan look.
"So she has all my information and are the others criminals too." She said running her hand through her long red hair.
I nodded sheepishly. Her face twisted with disbelief, and she groaned.
As we both stood there, the weight of the conversation hanging between us, I realized that no matter what happened next, things were going to be different. But I wasn't about to back down. Not now. Not with everything I had built.
"Alright," I said softly, breaking the silence. "We'll talk more when you're ready."
Nicole didn't say anything more, but she turned away, looking back at the group. I let her have her space, knowing that we would face the challenges ahead together—whatever they may be.
I stood there for a moment, watching as Nicole walked away to rejoin the group. The weight of the conversation still hung between us, but it felt... lighter somehow. I wasn't sure how long she would need, but I had finally told her the truth. Whether she accepted it or not, that was on her. All I could do now was wait and see if things would change between us—or if the distance I had created would be too much to overcome.
As I turned to check on the others, the reality of the situation set in once again. We were still trapped in the mall, still fighting for survival, and now, we had to focus on what lay ahead. The world outside was unforgiving, and there were more important things to worry about than our relationship status. Our Survival.