Thor remained where Eirlys had left him, Mjolnir still hanging heavily in his hand. He had stopped hearing the sounds around him. The corridor seemed strangely quiet now, despite the distant footsteps of servants and the faint noise of repairs continuing throughout the palace. His eyes remained fixed on the doorway through which Eirlys had disappeared with Loki. His anger had not faded, it had changed and that was worse. At first, he had been furious because Loki had spoken about her. Furious because his brother had said something vile enough to make Thor lose control. But now, standing alone and watching the empty doorway, another feeling was twisting through him.
Pain. A deep, ugly pain that seemed to settle somewhere beneath his ribs. He imagined Eirlys beside Loki. The thought made his stomach turn. He pictured Loki looking at her with that calculating gaze of his, saying things that made her uncomfortable, touching her as though he had some right to do so. The image of Loki putting his hands on her made Thor's blood boil. And then his mind went further. The possibility of Eirlys actually becoming Loki's wife. Sharing his chambers, sleeping beside him, and giving Loki the intimacy that Thor suddenly realized he had never allowed himself to imagine wanting for himself. Thor's heart clenched so hard it hurt.
"Fuck." The word left him under his breath.
He hated the jealousy, possessiveness, and that the very idea of Loki having her made something feral rise inside him. Eirlys was not a possession and he knew that. She was free to choose whoever she wished. Yet knowing that did nothing to quiet the vicious thought that kept returning.
Not Loki. Anyone but Loki. He could probably tolerate the idea of another man far less than he wanted to admit, but Loki was different. Loki was his brother, his younger brother. The one person Thor had spent his entire life protecting, fighting with, forgiving, and loving despite everything. And now that same brother might become the man Eirlys belonged with. Thor shut his eyes.
Thor remembered Eirlys running into his arms earlier, laughing as he lifted her from the ground. He remembered how naturally she had fit against him, how familiar her presence had felt. How she had looked at him before they were told about the marriage.
Had she wanted it too? That question hurt almost as much as everything else. Because if she had, then Thor had already lost something he had never realized was his to lose. And if she had not, then why did the thought of Loki having her still feel like someone was tearing something out of his chest?
He looked towards the corridor again. She was still with Loki, touching, and caring for him. Thor's fingers tightened around his Mjolnir. He wanted to storm into those chambers and drag his brother away from her. He wanted to demand that Loki keep his hands to himself. He wanted to tell Eirlys that she did not have to marry anyone she did not want. But beneath all that anger was a truth he was only beginning to understand. He did not want her to choose Loki. He wanted her to choose him. And realizing that frightened him far more than his anger ever could.
Thor had eventually left the ruined corridor and found himself alone with a drink he barely tasted. He sat heavily in one of the quieter chambers, his elbows resting against his knees, staring at the amber liquid in his hand. He kept thinking about Eirlys. Not the princess everyone expected him to see, but the girl who had grown up beside him. The girl who knew exactly when he was angry, exactly when he was lying, and exactly how to make him laugh when nobody else could. And now she was with Loki. Thor took another drink.
He imagined the future everyone had decided for them. Eirlys walking beside Loki through the palace, sitting beside him at feasts, and entering Loki's chambers because they were now meant to be husband and wife.
His jaw tightened. "Gods." He tipped his head back, staring at the ceiling.
It hurt. He had never understood how badly something could hurt without a blade touching him. The door opened, Thor immediately looked up top find Eirlys standing there. For a moment neither spoke.
She came closer, her expression softer now, though there was still determination in her eyes. She stopped in front of him and studied his face. "Did you know?"
Thor frowned. "Know what?"
"Before we were called in together. Did you know what they meant when they spoke about marriage?"
He understood immediately. His fingers tightened around the cup. "No."
Eirlys waited as Thor simply shook his head. He had not known. Not when he had first heard the word. Not when he had looked at her and secretly wondered whether perhaps, after all these years, fate had finally placed something beautiful within his reach. He had thought it was them. For one brief, dangerous moment, he had thought his parents had seen what he had never dared to say aloud. Eirlys looked down and something in Thor's expression made her heart sink. He had not known. Neither had she and somehow that made everything more painful. Thor lowered his gaze to the drink in his hand.
"I thought it was me." The words came quietly. Thor swallowed. "I thought they meant you and me."
He had never been good at admitting weakness. He could face armies without hesitation, stand before enemies without fear, and charge into battle when everyone else would have thought twice. But sitting there with Eirlys in front of him, he suddenly felt completely defenseless.
"I don't know when it happened," he admitted. "I don't know when I started thinking of you differently."
He gave a little laugh. "Perhaps I should have realized it years ago."
His eyes finally met hers. "When I thought you were going to marry me, I was…" He stopped, searching for the right word. "Happy."
The admission seemed to cost him something. "Then I learned it was Loki. And it felt like something had been taken from me."
Eirlys remained silent and he looked away again. He hated admitting how much it had wounded him. It made him feel childish, almost selfish. Eirlys had never belonged to him. She had never promised herself to him. He had no right to feel betrayed by a decision she had never even made. But feelings did not care about rights. The thought of losing her had awakened something fierce inside him. He thought of Loki beside her, and his chest tightened.
He could imagine the two of them becoming accustomed to one another, sharing private conversations, eventually sharing a life. Perhaps she would learn to love Loki. Perhaps she would look at him one day with the same warmth she had always given Thor. That possibility was unbearable.
Thor's eyes burned. "I have spent my whole life thinking you would always be there," he said. "You were simply you. You were part of my life before I ever understood what that meant."
His voice cracked slightly. "And now everyone is telling me that you may become his."
He shook his head. "I don't want that."
The honesty of it hung between them. "I don't want to lose you to my brother."
Eirlys stepped closer. Thor looked at her, vulnerable in a way she had rarely seen. She reached for his hand. "If you had wanted me, I would have chosen you." She said softly as her fingers tightened gently around his. "I would have chosen you willingly."
Thor had nothing to say and went completely stilled. Because she had not told him what he feared. She had told him what he had spent years too blind to ask. He simply stared at Eirlys as though he was afraid that if he moved, the moment would disappear. Then something in his expression broke. He rose so quickly that she barely had time to react before his arms wrapped around her waist and lifted her completely from the ground. She let out a startled laugh, instinctively gripping his shoulders. He held her close. It was familiar, because Thor had always been affectionate with her, but this was different. There was no playful teasing in the embrace, no carefree laughter. He held her as though he had spent hours convincing himself he had lost her and had only just discovered that perhaps he had not.
Her feet remained off the floor as his arms tightened around her. She rested her hands against his shoulders, her cheeks warming. For once, neither of them pretended that this was simply the affection of childhood friends. Thor lowered her only after several long moments, but even then his hands remained around her waist. Neither noticed the figure standing farther down the corridor.
Loki had seen everything he had not intended to watch. Yet there he was, partially hidden by one of the pillars, staring at the two of them. Something bitter twisted inside him. Thor's arms around Eirlys. Her hands resting on him. The way she had smiled, Loki hated the sight. He hated how easily Thor could make her laugh, the familiarity between them., that she had run to Loki when he was injured, yet somehow the moment she was with Thor, she seemed to belong entirely to that space between them. His jaw tightened. He told himself it was merely pride. It was not. He was jealous. And he despised himself for it. He turned away before either of them could notice him. Later, Eirlys kept her promise. She returned to Loki's chambers. He was sitting against the headboard when she entered, looking considerably more composed than before. His eyes flickered towards her, but he said nothing about what he had seen. Not one word about Thor.
Instead, after a moment, Loki looked at her with an almost innocent expression. "Come here."
Eirlys stopped. "Why?"
"I think," Loki said quietly, "I deserve a little kindness after being thrown across a room."
She narrowed her eyes. Then he opened his arms. "A hug."