The dream was coming again and again. I could see Julie smiling at me and we walk down the bridge where we had met. I loved to see this dream until it turned into the nightmare where I would see Julie lying on the floor cold and lifeless. She played there cold but yet so beautiful. I hold her in my arms rocking her while my eyes feel dried up from all the crying.
I woke up each day to this from the last 3 months. This has all started on the night of 5th May. I found my wife cold lying on the floor, she must have been lying there for 30 minutes. Even though at that time, we had rushed to the hospital we just couldn't make it in time. She was gone before I even realised it.
After just 4-5 minutes my sister found us. She had a habit of coming to my home cause we used to eat dinner together at night. I know she was not expecting me and Julie to be like this, the way she found us. She did what I should have done, she called the ambulance. We rushed to the hospital. I held Julie hand for the whole way until she was taken into the ICU.
All the memories that Julie and I shared were coming to me like a movie that was being played in front of my eyes. I still remember the day I had met on the bridge Pon des Arts. She was bending down and trying to reach for something, at these times I would have walked away but then I felt the need to help her.
Blue eyes and golden flowing hair she somewhat resembled my mother. I went to her and stretched my arm to reach for the novel that had fallen and she was trying to reach.
That's the day I realised love, at first sight, does exist. We exchanged number and dated for 6 months until I proposed her. I wanted her to feel special, the way she deserved. I took her to the same bridge that we had met and bended. I asked my most dear friend, to play the perfect song for us, the song became our song later on. The song I played for her was "Heart Goes On And On", with a puppy running towards her with a ring attached to his neck. This was my gift to her, for being the most precious person I had layed my eyes on. I loved her then and now.
She becomes my wife even though from the instant she met me I know I was destined to be with her. Our red string of fate had been attached to each other, she was for me and I was for her.
But here I was outside the ICU waiting for a miracle to happen.
The doctor came out I expected him to tell me that she had survived that I am gonna be the happy man again. But he told me what I already knew deep down, he told me she was gone. I had killed my wife. I had turned my fairy tale into a tragedy myself.
She was gone and I was living with the guilt ever since that day. I was getting what I deserved living in the nightmare was all I was left with, her memories were the only thing that was making me live, her lingering presence was always around me.
"Love cannot be found in despair and anxiety. But when love lays just a word loneliness finds you and consumes you slowly and slowly."
I yet remember the day we buried her. I was sitting near her, the face that used to smile at me each day was now lying there lifeless and would never smile at me again. I couldn't move even an inch I would have stayed with her about 1 hour not moving scared that if she woke up not finding me there she would start to cry.
I made her wear the wedding dress that she had worn the day we got married she looked beautiful in it. Just like an angel, I kissed her. But this wasn't a snow-white fairy tale, this was a reality when a person is gone then it was gone forever.
The white satin cloth, touching her baby soft skin. She was all pale, compared to the time that she had come to the alter. Holding get hands in mine, I knew I wanted to hold this hand until I could let my last breath leave. She was the ship that would take me to the shore, but nowhere I was lost in the sea.
Everyone was there, to tell me that everything would become right, but there was nothing right
without her by my side. I knew that, she was the only thing I had done right till now. I could see everyone gathering around her to get the last glimpse of her, but my legs felt numb. I felt her near me, even when closed the coffin.
I guess I just don't want to realise that it was just too late, that the smile would never come back to me again. I could get hear the sound of her laughter echoing inside the room. I could yet hear her saying ' I Love You' near my ears. I yet sometimes felt her presence near me, like she was never gone and one day I would just wake up and realise it all was just a bad dream.
Julie was perfect, we together were perfect then why did this happen to us?? Why could god not give her the only thing that she wanted most?? I wish I could have done better been better for her. She was there when I had nothing, but she left at the point where everything beside her didn't matter to me anymore. I loved her, and loving again is just next to impossible for me now.