"He's so…" I muttered under my breath, the words dissolving before I could finish. The truth? I missed him. I missed him so much it carved me hollow. I missed the late-night chats, the mystery of his words, the way his presence—whether near or far—clung to me. I missed seeing him, missed the curve of his smile, the weight of his touch. His eyes. His need for my lips. God, he breathed life into me. He gave me a thrill no one else could conjure, a spark that turned the ordinary into fire. And deep down, beneath all my protests, I knew I didn't want it to end. I didn't want to let it go—at least not until we finally kissed.
With a heavy sigh, I tossed my phone aside, the screen going black as I buried my face in my hands. This cannot be happening again.
"Allison, why are you so fucking stupid?" I whispered, voice muffled by my palms. Why don't you ever learn? Stop getting attached to men so easily. Stop letting them play with your feelings, gaslight you with their silence. Enough. Enough. Tell yourself it's enough and stand the fuck up.
All I really wanted was to be loved by a man I was drawn to—someone I could love in return. Was that really asking for too much?
The vibration on my bed startled me. A message.
Lucien: I should be the one mad right now, not you. You're the one who cut our date short because you didn't trust me.
I blinked at the screen. Twice. My stomach knotted. What the hell was I even reading?
Me: Really? I can't believe you're saying that to me. I heard a howl you refused to acknowledge, and I was rightfully scared.
Lucien: And I told you it was nothing. You just had to trust me.
I exhaled.
Me: You say that like it's so easy. Me: So where does that leave us now?
Lucien: Didn't you say you were done with us?
My chest tightened, a tremor rippling through me. Tears pooled fast, fear flooding my veins. Was he really just… going to accept it?
Me: And you accept that?
I typed with shaking hands, heart hammering against my ribs.
Lucien: You sounded like you meant every single word.
Me: So what are you saying? You want to stop texting me?
God, why did I even type that? I should never have given him the option. What's wrong with me?
Lucien: Things have gotten… complicated, baby.
Another buzz.
Lucien: I might be in a whole lot of trouble, and I don't want to drag you into it. I care too much about you to let you drown in my mess. And I swear, I'm trying so hard—so fucking hard—to push you away. But baby girl… I'm losing my mind because of it.
As I read, something inside me shifted. The anger, the fear—it all loosened, dissolving like mist under sunlight. In its place: curiosity, sharp and consuming.
Me: What happened?
Lucien: I WAS ATTACKED.
Me: What!!
My eyes went wide as my fingers flew across the keyboard.
Lucien: Don't worry your pretty head about it. It's nothing I can't handle.
Me: Don't tell me not to worry. I want to know.
Lucien: My life is… a little more complicated than the average person's.
Me: I already figured that much out. Me: Just tell me what's wrong. Maybe I can help.
Lucien: What if helping means letting go of us? Would you do it?
Me: It depends.
Lucien: On?
Me: Would you want me to?
Lucien: No. Lucien: No, I wouldn't. That's why I need to figure things out on my own.
Me: I don't want to trouble you more.
Lucien: You could never trouble me. You're my sanity right now.
A shaky sigh escaped before I could stop it. Damn it—I was smiling. Smiling, for the first time since our date. And in that fleeting instant, the truth hit me hard: I had missed him. Missed him more than I ever wanted to admit, more than I could bear to say out loud.
But then the dread returned, slamming into me. What if I lose him for real this time? The thought hollowed me out.
Me: Please… just take care of yourself. Please.
Lucien: Don't worry, baby girl. I'm fine.
Me: Now you've made me forget I was mad at you.
Lucien: That's about right. 😏Lucien: It's because you care about me.
Me: He finally uses an emoji.
Lucien: You really do pay attention.
Me: Of course I do.
Lucien: So… do you like when I use them?
Me: I like any way you text.
Lucien: 🤭🤭🤭
Me: Now you're just going to overuse them.
Lucien: How about a video call?
My stomach dropped.
Me: What! Me: I'm still in my nightie. I'd be too shy.
Lucien: I want to show you what happened to me.
Me: Now suddenly you want to show me? I don't believe you. This is a trick to get me to cave.
Lucien: I'm no magician. I don't do tricks.
Me: You pull more tricks than a magician. You're more of a wizard. An enchanter.
A cheeky thought struck me, and before I could second-guess it, I typed:
Me: If that's true… how did you trick your way into my heart?
I rolled my eyes at my own corny line, but I couldn't fight the grin spreading across my lips. A grin so wide it hurt, threatening to stay there forever.
For once, I surrendered to the joy. If heartbreak was waiting for me down the line… so be it. I'd survive. Hopefully. But right now? I wanted this moment.
Lucien: Now she admits she cares about me.
Me: You know one thing about tricks? Their effects don't last forever.
Lucien: Is that a threat, smart mouth? Lucien: If I had any real magic, you'd be in my bed right now.