"Grief is the price of love."
❅❅❅❅❅❅
I rush over to Mamma as she drops to her knees.
'Mamma, what happened?'
I watch as Mamma tries to speak, fretting.
What do I do? I scream to myself.
I quickly call a maid. I can't carry Mamma on my own. They take Mamma to her bedroom. When Mamma is settled, I dismiss them all.
'Aah!' Mamma's voice rasps.
'What is it, Mamma?' I ask, tears in my eyes.
Mamma points to her wardrobe. I open the wardrobe, but don't see anything other than her clothes.
'What're you looking for, Mamma?' I ask, looking at her.
Mamma points further down than before. I press around the floor of the wardrobe. Eventually, I feel a loose floorboard. Opening it up, I see some letters. I bring them over to Mamma.
She shakes her head and presses the letters back into my hand.
'S-sweet….h-heart,' she breathes.
'Don't talk, Mamma. You need to rest!'
Mamma shakes her head again.
'N-net….w-work…'
'Network?'
Mamma nods.
'T-tav…ern…'
'The tavern?'
Mamma nods again.
'W-women… h-have… m-magic-'
Mamma releases a breath and closes her eyes, her whole body relaxing.
'Mamma? Mamma!' I call out, shaking her arm.
Mamma doesn't respond.
'Maids! Quickly! Where's the doctor?' I cry out.
The doctor doesn't come until 10 minutes later. By that time, Mamma's body is so cold, the doctor can't even touch her.
She's gone, and she's not coming back.
'Mamma,' I sob, screaming in aguish.
With the spurt of blood and icy cold touch, I feel like it's déjà vu.
I faint.
'Mercy heals, Identity shows,
Unity binds, Endurance grows,
Voice breaks chains, Memory makes whole,
Will stands strong—the Weave unfolds.'
Mamma sings gently as she strokes my hair.
'Mamma, sing it again?' I beg.
She coughs into a tissue, wiping her mouth and hiding it in her pocket.
'Alright. But once more and you go to sleep.'
I nod, snuggling into the bed.
Mamma sings the nursery rhyme again, as I drift off to sleep.
Hack. Hack. Cough. Cough.
I wake up to Mamma coughing, only to see blood trickling down her chin.
'Mamma!' I cry, sitting up.
'Everything's going to be fine, sweetheart. Alright? You're going to be fine. You'll grow up into a fine young lady, so please don't cry.'
'But you're hurt, Mamma!'
'I know, but you must stay strong. Remember. If you're ever in trouble, go to the tavern and say "women have magic", okay?'
'Okay, Mamma,' I choke.
Cough. Cough.
Blood spurts as I thump Mamma's back, hoping it'll help her a little.
Tears fall like rain, my eyes growing misty.
'Please don't leave me, Mamma!'
'I'm sorry, sweetheart,' she breathes as she lies down on my bed.
She closes her eyes, her face pale, skin icy cold.
Mamma is no longer alive.
I wake up, tears streaming down my face.
I am back in my own room. Remembering the letters, I quickly pat myself down.
Phew!
At least the maids didn't change my clothes. Mamma's letters are safe. Tears form again as I think of Mamma. She's gone, and she's not coming back! How am I supposed to survive without her? I barely lived in my past life, but with Mamma, I felt safe and protected. Now I don't have that anymore.
I sob into my pillow, not wanting to get up. How could I, knowing just how hard it is to live in the palace without your mother?
I remain in bed the rest of the day, and most of the next too. I didn't come out of my room until it was time for Mamma's funeral.
In Oceania, royal funerals are done quickly, and there's no way they'd investigate Mamma's death, even though it was definitely suspicious. Mamma was poisoned, but no one cares except me.
Now I'm all alone.
Standing at the front in my plain dark blue dress, I keep my head down as tears fall. The procession is short and very plain. Father clearly didn't care for Mamma. She was his wife! But all I can see are his cold, piercing blue eyes and that blank stare.
There were no flowers, no colours, nothing.
I feel someone standing beside me. Looking up, Brother Xander smiles down at me.
'I'm here for you, Adi,' he whispers.
My tears fall faster, as I hug him.
'Thank you, Brother Xander,' I choke out.
He gently pats my back, hugging me tight.
I watch as they lay Mamma down in the ground. I hold Mamma's favourite flower brooch in my pocket, a spearmint flower. A spearmint flower symbolises the warmth of sentiment, and Mamma was the epitome of warmth and kindness.
All that's left now is for me to find Mamma's killer. It has to be someone in the palace, but who?
Even now, I think it's either Queen Satine or Lady Kaitlyn. They're the only two who would benefit from Mamma dying. Especially Lady Kaitlyn.
I watch the two women out of the corner of my eye, not daring to stare at them directly.
As if sensing something, Queen Satine looks around. The way she gazes at everyone around her is troubling. It's as if she's superior to them, and not in a good way.
She turns her gaze to her son, with a slight frown showing on her face before she moves on.
Her last glance is towards Lady Kaitlyn.
Lady Kaitlyn looks almost gleeful, but with the glance from Queen Satine, she quickly settles her expression into fake concern.
It's definitely one of them, if not both.
When the funeral is over, everyone quickly leaves. No one wants to stay in a place of death.
Alone, I say my final goodbye to Mamma.
Returning to the southern wing of the palace, all I can see are signs of Mamma. Her touch is on every inch of this wing, but Mamma will no longer walk these halls.
The silence is deafening. Mamma is not going to call for me or teach me. She's not going to comfort me in silence when I have my nightmares. I don't know how to live without Mamma anymore. I can't even remember how I lived without Mamma!
Returning to my room, I fall onto my bed face-first, wanting to cry again.
Before I can start, I remember the letters Mamma gave me. Opening one, I read it.
Koil dipkchig,
Vni baii mwv kwwn?
Kw idzvcziz.
Tnw dzv cg cgmhix.
Weeueu
It's nothing but gibberish!
I quickly open the rest.
Gibberish.
Gibberish.
Nothing.
Gibberish.
I stop, closing my eyes. What's going on? Why are all of these letters just random letters?
Think, Adira! Think!
I take a deep breath. I need to calm down; otherwise, I won't be able to figure this out.
Mamma's last words suddenly pop into my head.
Women have magic.
What does she mean by saying this? Is it some sort of secret code?
I remember a game we would play in our spare time. It consisted of coding letters using a key phrase.
Women have magic.
Is that the key phrase?
I quickly turn it into a five-by-five grid.
W O M E N
H A V G I
C B D F K
L P Q R S
T U X Y Z
Okay, now I had to go backwards to decipher it.
A few hours later, I have finally decoded the letter.
Dear Cardinia,
How have you been?
Be careful.
You are in danger.
Nox
Having had to concentrate for a few hours, I am exhausted. It also left me wondering. Who is Nox? Why does Mamma have a ciphered letter? Who is Mamma, really?
So many questions swirl inside my head, giving me a headache.
No. Stop it, Adira. Enough questions. You need to focus on what's going on right now.
What did Mamma say before she died?
The tavern.
Women have magic.
The tavern must be a place… but is that the name? If so, where is it? Why does Mamma need to have coded letters? Why did Mamma teach me this code?
It's all so confusing, but I knew one thing. I need to find this Nox and the tavern Mamma was talking about.
But how do I get out? And what do the other letters say? Decoding so many letters will take days!
Then there's the message in the letter I decoded. How did this Nox person know that Mamma was in danger? Why is this person talking to Mamma? If he knew about the danger, then he probably knows who killed Mamma.
I have to know who killed Mamma.
So, how do I leave the palace? Guards are everywhere. I need to find an opening somewhere.
An opening?
Before marrying Asmodeus, I used to leave the palace undetected, but that was when I was fifteen. I'm twelve right now, and I don't know if that opening is there. I'll have to check, but only at night.
While waiting, I curl up on the bed.
Mamma, I miss you.
When nighttime comes, I'm ready. None of the maids came looking for me. Not that they would. No one cares for me now that Mamma's gone, so I have no need to worry someone might come in.
I sneak out of my window, hiding in the shadows. I made sure to wear all black so no one can see me.
One metre.
Two metres.
Ten metres.
Twenty metres.
I soon reach the spot I remember from my past life. Sure enough, there're no guards.
Jump.
Since I'm already out, I might as well scout the city for this tavern Mamma spoke of. It'll help me feel better than staying cooped up in my room.
Walking around, I re-familiarise myself with the city. There aren't many changes to the city between the ages of twelve and fifteen, it seems. Everything pretty much looks the same.
This makes things easier for me since I was already quite familiar with certain places near the palace.
I remember finding a pub called The Tavern when I was roaming one night. Of course, I didn't drink, but I did make some friends.
Wait!
The Tavern?
Is that the place Mamma was talking about?
She gave me the actual name?
I quickly rush to where The Tavern was. It wasn't very far from the palace. Just a few streets away.
As I reach the pub, I pause for a moment, my nerves getting to me. I keep my hood over my head, but I know I still look too small to be coming to a place like this.
My hands tremble for a second. I had a friend at this pub in my past life. He was the closest thing to a father I'd ever had, and I was never able to say goodbye.
Night, I wonder if you're here? I wonder.
Taking a deep breath, I open the door and step inside.
There, I see him.
My friend.
My saviour.
The one I could talk to when things got tough in the palace.
Night.