Accounts of Sam. End of Summer.
Bubbles swim up the sides of the glass bottle, I watch the untouched beer while my misgivings stew. Normally I'd welcome the distraction, but it merely seems to add weight to my heavy laden thoughts.
The past few years have been rocky with Derek, but we've been butting heads a lot as of late. Prior to my personal revelation, we'd always gotten along, but it appears he views my efforts to change as a personal betrayal. My desired direction in life has caused a decided rift.
Some time apart might do us well, yet I can't seem to stay away. I see him spiraling down familiar dark paths.
Spiraling, and I'm being sucked into it. Always sticking around in hopes we can finally put this to bed. Put aside our differences, make amends, but, surprise, surprise, it hasn't been going well.
I'm not being completely honest with myself, repairing the damage is my excuse – it may be too late for that. I'm a mess of anxiety wondering what overindulgent scheme he's got up his sleeve for tonight. Derek's been especially headlong this week, purely impulsive. I feel somewhat responsible for it.
From the east side of the dimly lit bar, I watch him. I know my face is a wash of disappointment so I created space in an attempt to calm myself. I don't mean to direct it at him, the problem is me – how I've led him astray.
He's over in that red half circle seat with a ginger woman who's absolutely plastered. I used to do pretty much the exact thing in that blasted corner booth. He's the spitting image of me that I'm trying to leave behind. Derek's going to get himself into trouble if he continues this way and I'm partially to blame.
The woman is all over him, simply enamored. Her fair skin flushed from alcohol. My gaze follows a blue vein lining her slender neck, pulsing to a steady rhythm.
I scowl, clenching my balled fist on the table and turn away from them. I'm in such a foul mood, likely made worse by the fact I haven't eaten in almost two weeks. A stupid and dangerous decision but this debacle has really soured my cravings. In truth, I'm afraid satisfying my needs will contribute to worsening my state of mind, but if I don't resolve this soon I'm bound to do something regrettable. Quite the dilemma I've made for myself.
'Why do I always get entangled in this shit.'
Lost in my brooding, I realize my aimless stare is in the path of the new curly haired bartender. She gives me a flirtatious half smile, purposely leaning over the counter to accentuate that low cut top. I consider, for a brief moment, taking her up on the offer.
'No, I have far too much plaguing my mind tonight and I'm decidedly unstable.'
I give her a polite smile with a nod, then turn in a direction without anyone in my line of sight to resume my sulking.
"What's eatin' ya, Sammy?"
Cooper waltzes up to the empty seat next to mine, carefree as per usual. I acknowledge him with a blank look and shrug. His eyes drift to the red booth where he spies Derek getting handsy with the redhead dame.
"Ah, ya worray ta much, we've all been dere. 'E'll figure it ou'."
"Yeah, and what if he goes too far? What exactly is too far for Derek?"
"We've gotta figure tha' 'un ou' ourselves, Sammy. Offen tha' hard wey."
He flashes me his signature reassuring smile before going back to grinning at an admirer sending him openly provocative signals. I want to be convinced, it would be nice not to worry so damn much. I have no intention of controlling Derek, but he's beyond reckless. How can I not be apprehensive, especially when Cooper overlooks it. There are times I want to strangle Derek, doesn't he have any foresight?
"Have ya 'ad a bite recentlay?"
Thoughts interrupted, I meet Cooper's eyes. He's evaluating me more sternly than before.
"Not much of an appetite lately," I lie, refocusing on my brother. I can tell he's getting bored of the girl as he kisses her with counterfeit passion.
"Maybe ya shud worray a lil' more abou' yerself n' less abou' Derek, yah?" Cooper suggests, I sense him still fixed on me.
The girl is now slumped over in the booth, dazed and on the verge of unconsciousness. Derek wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and slides out of the arced seat to join us. He catches me staring and furrows his brow. Whatever my expression is appears to irritate him.
"Hmm, is that three girls tonight? I'm surprised you're not taking this one home with you too," the comment comes out a touch more condescending than intended.
"How long has it been since you've gotten laid?" he throws back with a sneer, "You could use it, maybe then you wouldn't be such a crotchety old geezer."
Cooper chuckles as he lifts off his chair, effortlessly catching up with Derek heading out the exit. I snort at that and turn to follow.
The cool night air licks by the moon bleached streets as I step through the swinging bar door. I cock an eyebrow at the sky, unusually penetrating for a nail clipping of light. Cooper walks beside Derek, chatting enthusiastically about some newcomer frequenting one of our usual haunts. Apparently she smells of candy and spices.
Typical Cooper, chipper and unbothered by anything – even by things that should bother him. He can talk for hours if you'll let him. But it's nice having a guy like him around to lighten the mood. I lag behind starting to relax, the hum of his baritone more of a mediator than the words themselves. Maybe Coop is right, I need to worry more about myself and less about Derek.
Closing my eyes and letting out a sigh, I hang back at my leisurely pace. I prefer the clean air to the stuffy bar with its multitude of smells. Not that the scents were unappealing, but today I think it added to my personal tension.
Cooper continues chatting about some ridiculous news report he saw as we wander into an area that's largely closed down for the night. The unease cranks up again. Derek is a bit drunk, which encourages mischief. I have half a mind to part ways, but there's this awful suspicion that I know what he's up to. Leaving now won't relieve my sense of guilt and responsibility – I'll merely obsess.
The sudden fiendish air about him causes my mouth to tug at the corners. Ambitious eyes search for a special something as he half listens to Cooper.
And unfortunately, that something is out on these barren streets – a young girl.
Does this woman have a mental deficiency? Why on earth is she walking out here alone? Long, golden brown hair sways in a ponytail as she walks a brisk pace ahead. I eye Derek from behind. A lopsided, drunken sneer forms on his lips as he leers at Cooper. Eyes devious and lit with excitement.
I grit my teeth, hoping Cooper will cut him off. I'm sure my disapproval will make Derek more likely to indulge, but Cooper? I focus on his square jawed profile as that content face lazily turns. Derek gestures to the girl walking ahead of them.
"Oh, she's a cute 'un, in't she?" he leisurely remarks as if he hadn't noticed her prior.
'Cooper, don't.'
"She's all alone," Derek hints with a certain impishness, "we should make sure she isn't lost."
Coop thinks it over for a moment or two.
'Don't go along with this…' Can he really not see how Derek is tonight?
"Mmm, m'y as well."
'Damn it, Cooper! Damn it all.'
I should have expected as much. This is so predictable, goes wherever the wind takes him. I just hoped against hope he'd have a more wholesome activity to suggest. I do not like where this is headed.
The girl knows we're after her. I hear her heart rate pick up. She takes a few irregular turns with the intention of going our separate ways, if only it were so easy. The spark of pity is consumed by a swirl of my own unwilling excitement. Smelling her fear mixing with her own scent is unrelenting on my senses. Sweet flowers and tangy citrus, her natural perfume is incredibly appealing – I feel high from the shallow intake of it.
I want her.
I despise her for smelling so intoxicating, hate Derek for purposely seeking trouble, Cooper for not giving a shit, and myself for getting wrapped up in this.
Her pulse quickens. The drumming becomes ever more hypnotic. I'm losing myself to its wonderful sound. She gives a surreptitious glance behind, thinking none of us noticed. Oh, I notice alright. I picture myself pushing her down on all fours as she glances back at me just like that. Knotting my fingers through the tail of hair, yanking her head back. Taking her slender but full form from behind. I imagine my hands sliding down her supple curves, gripping that slim neck. The heat of her body warming my fingertips, hot breath escaping a carnal mouth. That confused short gasp that lies between fright and pleasure.
Her delicious scent, I need to breathe it in. Taste that delicate, milky skin...I could pounce on her right now, sweep her into a number of these alleys. Every wicked intention never to be discovered and then erased entirely. The thought gradually devolves, I feel my teeth ache as it becomes darker.
My teeth would sink into her, taste all of her inside and out. Flip her around to see the horror flash in her eyes as the blood curdling screams ensue. Tear into that soft flesh, rip open her throat and devour her, completely decimate…
I halt in my tracks, disgusted, cursing myself for not feeding beforehand. With a huff, I clear my head of the morbid fantasies. I don't want to be that, I'm not that and I am not going to entertain even the mildest hedonistic craving right now. This is exactly what I wanted to avoid, what I didn't want to get mixed up in again. If I'm imagining this kind of garbage God knows what's going on in Derek's mind.
I had gotten unconsciously close while absorbed in the girl. I let the two get a few paces ahead to collect myself before striding forward again.
Tonight of all nights, why'd the girl have to walk by herself at this exact time, in this very place. I'm stuck now and not in a state to do much about it. For her sake, I hope she's finished off quickly.
I notice her pulse steady and watch as she attempts to "naturally" evaluate her surroundings – clearly an effort to avoid our scrutiny. Cooper is still yammering, though I know he's more observant than he lets on. Derek is barely listening to anything he's saying at this point, with the perfunctory "mmhms" and "uhuhs". His eyes are laser focused on that young woman. She leads us to a rural emptiness. It's as if the girl is openly inviting awful things to come her way.
Her heartbeat abruptly spikes, suggesting a verge of panic. Yet despite the doubletime knocking, her behavior is abnormal. I narrow my eyes as she slows. Then she blatantly turns to look at us, but her expression appears entirely distracted. Her thoughts seem elsewhere.
"Where ya 'eaded, sweethear'?" Cooper calls, causing her to flinch, "I's naw safe ta be wanderin' alone ou' 'ere."
His tone is entirely inappropriate for the situation, I'd laugh if I weren't so on edge. But apparently it's enough for the girl to lose her nerve. She takes an unexpected turn, bolting for the woods. Derek peaks with excitement in a bout of cagey laughter, his victim unknowingly beginning the game.
"Come on, honey, where do you think you're going?"
My jaw clenches with frustration. There's little attempt to hide the eagerness, his fervor is disheartening. How far down the rabbit hole does he intend to go?
'What the hell can I even do?'
Derek heads after the woman as Cooper keeps close behind. The fact that he didn't snap her up on the spot is what most concerns me. He's intending to draw this out.
"So, she's a lil' spit fire, i'nt she?"
Cooper thoughtfully examines Derek when he doesn't so much as grace his musings with a reply.
"Don' be ta hasty, le's see wha' dis lil' fiahball has ta offa, hmm?"
Brows constricting, I stare at the back of his head. Now that is not like Cooper. In all my years of knowing him, malicious has never been his mantra. Derek doesn't notice the out of character statement, rather, delighted by the prospect.
"You're saying we should make her squirm?"
"Someone tha' livelay cud make thangs veray intrestin'. If yer patient."
Is he encouraging Derek to toy with her? My brother's inebriated and bloodstruck, I expected this from him, but Cooper? I want to protest but am certain it won't do any good. Derek is all too enthused with the idea.
As the woman struggles through the foliage we're effortlessly gaining on her. We slide through the thick of the wild, taking unmarked paths without exertion. Her shallow scrapes tease the wind with her flowery-fruit aroma. But her scent isn't the only thing to grab for my attention. This sect of forest is acutely familiar – not a good familiarity either. I puzzle over the sites, almost able to put my finger on it. Taking in the air again, I note its crisp humidity. There's a brook a small distance from us.
'Are we near Stranglehold trail?'
"She's getting too close to the edge," Derek blurts out, "Stop fooling around before we lose her."
So, it is that forbidden place. The girl's headed right for it, could it be intentional? No, she can't know. Besides, that's a Reaper's domain, an almost certain guarantee to put any trespasser six feet under.
Derek inevitably catches her, escape wasn't a question. She gets less than a second to scream before he smothers it. Despite his smaller stature and her thrashing, it's a toilless effort. And he finds her struggle all very amusing...for a while.
Him even suggesting we would lose her is laughable. I suppose he's unnerved by the wall of juniper, our last warning to turn back. As long as we don't cross into the Reaper's territory we shouldn't run into any extra trouble. That's what they say, anyhow.
"A fighta', are ya, love?" Cooper chimes, seeming to admire her spirit.
That tear stained face is wide eyed and shaken. Her hair is no longer neatly pinned back, it's a tangled mass littered with twigs.
The girl struggles harder to no avail. She's scared and it invites the typical adrenaline excitement within me, which also brings on the usual revulsion. However, a new feeling stirs. I not only pity her, I'm afraid for her. And I thought myself desensitized by now.
"This is going to be very unpleasant for you if you don't–"
I roll my eyes to the sky, tuning out Derek's threat. Did we really just chase this girl out here to torture her like a helpless animal? This could have been over quickly, *painlessly*, but here we are in this godforsaken forest. I almost want to kill the girl myself, just get it over with and put this ugly gathering to an end. I know that will only bring more problems, so I plant myself under the curve and of an oak to pointlessly mull over my misgivings.
The girl heeds Derek's warning and begins to calm.
"Wise decision," says he to her, temporarily appeased.
"This is too far…"
It slips out. I didn't want to say anything to provoke but I suppose I'm more fed up than I realized. All but Derek turn to look my way.