Chapter 5: The Monkey King, the Hokage, and Some Very Questionable Advice
Konoha — Scientific Ninja Weapons Research Facility
There were few things Katasuke Tono enjoyed more than developing new technology.
Actually, there were quite a few things. Eating, sleeping, and not having his laboratory destroyed by experimental equipment ranked rather highly on his list.
But scientific research was definitely up there.
The scientist was examining a prototype when the laboratory doors slid open.
"Katasuke! How's everything going? Anything new?"
Katasuke nearly dropped the device in his hands.
"Lord Seventh!"
Standing in the doorway was Naruto Uzumaki, smiling as though he hadn't just startled the life out of one of Konoha's leading scientists.
The scientist straightened immediately.
"What a pleasant surprise! I wasn't expecting you personally, Lord Hokage."
Naruto waved dismissively.
"Come on, Katasuke. No need to be so formal."
"Of course, sir. What brings you here?"
"Well, I've been wondering about something." Naruto glanced around the laboratory. "How's the research into holographic technology going?"
Katasuke blinked.
"Holographic technology?"
"Yeah. You know, projecting realistic images of people. That sort of thing."
"Ah!" Katasuke adjusted his glasses. "Unfortunately, we haven't begun serious development in that particular field."
Naruto nodded thoughtfully.
"Well, no problem. Start now."
Katasuke stared.
"...Now?"
"Yep!"
"May I ask what it's for?"
Naruto grinned.
"Interdimensional communication."
Silence.
Katasuke slowly removed his glasses.
Cleaned them.
Put them back on.
"I'm sorry, Lord Seventh. Did you say interdimensional?"
"Sure did."
The scientist looked at him.
Naruto looked back.
Several seconds passed.
Then Katasuke's expression underwent a remarkable transformation.
His eyes widened.
His mouth opened.
And the excitement of a man who had just discovered an entirely new field of science spread across his face.
"INTERDIMENSIONAL COMMUNICATION?!"
Naruto laughed.
"That's the spirit!"
"Lord Seventh, do you mean you've established stable communication between independent dimensional spaces?"
"Different universes, actually."
Katasuke grabbed the edge of his desk.
For a moment, Naruto wondered whether he should summon a medic.
"That's... that's incredible!"
"Hehe. I thought you'd like it."
"Like it? Lord Seventh, this could revolutionize our understanding of space-time physics!"
"Great! Then you're interested?"
"Interested?! I would be honored!"
Naruto walked over and gave him a friendly pat on the back.
A gentle pulse of chakra accompanied the gesture, sweeping away the scientist's fatigue and restoring his energy.
"There you go. That should help. Work with your team and see what you can come up with."
Katasuke straightened, suddenly feeling as refreshed as though he'd enjoyed a full night's sleep.
"Thank you, Lord Seventh! I won't disappoint you!"
"Take your time. I'd rather have something that works than something that explodes."
Katasuke blinked.
"Explodes?"
Naruto scratched his cheek.
"Long story."
And with that highly reassuring statement, the Seventh Hokage vanished.
Katasuke stared at the empty doorway.
Then he slowly turned toward his researchers.
"Everyone."
Several heads rose from their workstations.
"We have a new project."
One scientist sighed.
"How urgent?"
Katasuke smiled.
"Extremely."
Another scientist groaned.
And somewhere in the laboratory, a poor intern realized his weekend had just been murdered.
Universe Seven — Son Goku
Son Goku was having a wonderful day.
The sun was shining.
The birds were singing.
His son was fishing nearby.
And there was a mysterious phone in his hand that had appeared from absolutely nowhere.
Okay, perhaps that last part wasn't normal.
But Goku's definition of normal had never been particularly reliable.
He had fought aliens, demons, martial artists, and creatures capable of destroying planets.
A phone materializing out of thin air was strange, sure.
But not that strange.
What truly interested him was the information inside it.
Heroes Chat Group.
A mysterious communication system connecting people from different universes.
Goku didn't understand how it worked.
Frankly, he didn't care.
What mattered was that there were powerful people out there.
People he had never met.
People who might be stronger than him.
And that was enough to make his entire day.
"Hehehe!"
Goku grinned at the screen.
The group had automatically assigned him the name Monkey King.
He thought it sounded pretty cool.
Especially the king part.
He had never ruled anything in his life, unless you counted the unfortunate fish population of Mount Paozu.
After reading the messages, one participant had particularly caught his attention.
Lord Seventh.
The mysterious man had shared detailed training methods, extraordinary knowledge, and some truly ridiculous descriptions of his abilities.
Goku wasn't particularly interested in the scientific explanations.
But the training advice?
Now that was something worth reading.
He began typing.
Monkey King: Hey, Lord Seventh! You seem really strong! Can you come to my world, or bring me to yours? I wanna fight you!
There.
Straight to the point.
Goku had never understood why people wasted time with complicated introductions when they could simply ask for a good fight.
He waited eagerly.
A reply appeared.
Lord Seventh: Haha! I wasn't expecting someone to ask for a fight so quickly.
Lord Seventh: Sorry, Monkey King. I don't think we can fight right now. Besides, I've already analyzed your physical condition through the connection. You're nowhere near strong enough to challenge me yet.
Goku blinked.
Then smiled.
"Wow! He's confident!"
Being told he was weaker than someone else didn't bother Goku.
Quite the opposite.
It meant there was someone worth chasing.
But the next message made him pause.
Lord Seventh: You've got enormous potential, but you're wasting a lot of it.
Goku frowned.
"Wasting?"
That didn't sound right.
He trained every day!
Sometimes he trained so much that Chi-Chi threatened to lock the kitchen until he remembered what a normal husband was supposed to do around the house.
Monkey King: What do you mean? I train every day! I haven't been slacking off!
Naruto's response came quickly.
Lord Seventh: Training every day doesn't mean you're improving efficiently. When was the last time you seriously increased the difficulty of your routine?
Goku opened his mouth.
Then closed it.
He thought about his training.
The exercises.
The sparring.
The weights.
And then something rather embarrassing occurred to him.
He had been doing many of the same things for years.
Lord Seventh: You are not a human. Your body adapts to extreme physical stress, and you have access to healing methods that ordinary humans don't. Use those advantages intelligently.
Lord Seventh: Increase your gravity and weight training. Practice fighting while carrying those weights. Push your physical limits, then recover properly before increasing the difficulty again.
Goku's eyes widened.
Lord Seventh: And stop relying so heavily on straightforward energy attacks. Your ki control has room for improvement. Try changing its shape, controlling its movement, and developing more creative applications.
Lord Seventh: Work on your speed too. Raw power means very little if your opponent can avoid everything you throw at them.
Goku stared at the messages.
For once, he was genuinely thinking.
His attacks were fairly straightforward.
A punch.
A kick.
A Kamehameha.
Maybe another Kamehameha if the first one didn't work.
And while those techniques were incredibly effective, he couldn't deny there were other possibilities.
I really haven't changed my training much, have I?
He rubbed his chin.
Maybe I got too comfortable.
That was a rather unpleasant realization.
Goku loved fighting because it allowed him to improve.
But somewhere along the way, he had begun waiting for stronger opponents to appear instead of finding new methods to push himself.
His grin returned.
"Alright!"
He practically bounced where he sat.
"This is gonna be fun!"
A voice interrupted him.
"Dad! Look!"
Goku turned.
His son, Gohan, was standing near the river, proudly holding up a large fish.
"I caught one!"
Goku beamed.
"Great job, Gohan! Now catch an even bigger one!"
Gohan smiled.
Then he noticed the device in his father's hand.
"Dad?"
"Yeah?"
"What are you doing?"
"Talking to someone on the phone."
Gohan froze.
"...What?"
"Some really strong guy. He's giving me training advice!"
The little boy stared.
His father.
Son Goku.
The man who occasionally forgot that money was necessary for buying groceries.
Was using a phone.
Correctly.
And apparently having an intelligent conversation.
Something was terribly wrong.
Gohan dropped his fishing equipment.
Then ran.
"Dad, I'll be right back!"
"Huh? Okay!"
Goku watched him disappear toward the house.
"Weird kid."
He returned to the screen.
"I wonder who he takes after."
Meanwhile, Gohan was racing home with the urgency of someone reporting an approaching apocalypse.
"MOM! MOM!"
Chi-Chi rushed out of the house, still holding the kitchen knife she'd been using to prepare lunch.
"What happened?! Is your father hurt? Did something attack you?"
Gohan shook his head frantically.
"It's worse!"
Chi-Chi went pale.
"Worse?!"
"DAD'S BEEN POSSESSED BY A GHOST!"
"What?!"
"He was using a phone!"
Silence.
Chi-Chi stared at her son.
Gohan stared back.
Then tears gathered in her eyes.
"Oh..."
Gohan panicked.
"Mom?!"
Chi-Chi wiped her cheeks.
"Oh, Gohan..."
"Is Dad going to be okay?"
"He's finally growing up!"
"...Huh?"
"Your father's learning to behave like a normal member of society!"
She looked toward the river with an expression of profound happiness.
"I never thought I'd see the day!"
Gohan blinked.
Then slowly relaxed.
If his mother was happy, perhaps there was nothing to worry about.
"Does that mean Dad isn't possessed?"
"Of course not, sweetie!"
Chi-Chi smiled.
"Now wash your hands. Lunch is almost ready."
Gohan nodded and followed her inside.
Meanwhile, Goku continued studying the training instructions, blissfully unaware that his ability to operate a phone had just caused a minor emotional crisis.
Heroes Chat Group
Naruto finished examining Goku's response and smiled.
The Saiyan was interesting.
Enormous potential.
A remarkable body.
And a personality that seemed entirely focused on becoming stronger.
Naruto could certainly appreciate that.
Although Goku's enthusiasm for fighting was enough to make even him seem reasonably restrained.
Which was saying something.
He opened the group chat.
Lord Seventh: Good news, everyone! I've asked my research team to develop holographic technology so we can communicate face-to-face.
Lord Seventh: It'll take some time, but I've got another method that should work for now. I can project myself into one person's world at a time.
Several members immediately reacted.
Monkey King: REALLY?!
Monkey King: AWESOME! Come here! Let's fight!
Naruto laughed.
That guy really doesn't listen, does he?
Lord Seventh: It's a projection, Monkey King. Not my actual body.
Monkey King: So can we fight?
Lord Seventh: You really only care about fighting, huh?
Monkey King: Yep!
Somewhere inside Naruto's mind, Kurama chuckled.
"I like him."
"Of course you do."
"At least he's honest about what he wants."
Another notification appeared.
Neo One for All: Excuse me, Lord Seventh. Does that mean you'll be able to observe our worlds directly?
Lord Seventh: Pretty much. It'll help me understand things better than descriptions alone.
Ruin Princess: That would certainly make your claims easier to verify.
Naruto grinned.
Lord Seventh: Still suspicious, Princess?
Ruin Princess: Naturally. Caution is hardly unreasonable when dealing with unknown beings.
Lord Seventh: Fair enough! You'll get your proof soon.
Monkey King: HEY! What about our fight?!
Naruto sighed.
Kurama laughed again.
"He's worse than you."
"Hey!"
Lord Seventh: Alright, alright! I'm testing the technique with Monkey King first. The rest of you can have your turns afterward.
Goku nearly jumped out of his skin.
"YES!"
He sprang to his feet.
Finally!
Someone new to meet!
Someone incredibly powerful!
Someone who might give him the challenge he'd been craving!
The fact that Naruto had specifically said projection had apparently sailed straight over Goku's head.
Or perhaps he had heard it and simply decided it wasn't important.
With Goku, either possibility was equally believable.
Kuoh Academy — Issei Hyoudou
While Goku was celebrating the possibility of a new opponent, Issei Hyoudou was pursuing an entirely different dream.
A dream involving beautiful women.
Lots of them.
Preferably all interested in him.
Yes, Issei was a simple young man.
Unfortunately, his ambitions were anything but modest.
He sat beneath a tree during his school break, staring at the mysterious phone that had appeared in his possession.
By now, he had mostly accepted that the Heroes Chat Group was either genuine supernatural nonsense or the most elaborate prank in human history.
Either way, it was entertaining.
Especially the female members.
There was Rias Gremory.
Yasaka.
And several others whose profile pictures suggested that the universe contained an astonishing number of beautiful women.
Issei had also noticed something deeply unfair.
Lord Seventh seemed remarkably comfortable talking to them.
Some even flirted with him.
And apparently the man was already married.
To two women!
Two wives!
Issei clenched his fist.
This guy is living the dream!
He looked around to make sure nobody was watching.
The last thing he needed was another embarrassing incident that would further destroy his already questionable reputation.
Then he began typing.
Oppai Dragon: Hello, Lord Seventh! I'm an ordinary human, and I'm honored to have been chosen for this group.
He paused.
Then continued.
Oppai Dragon: I've noticed you're married to two beautiful women, and you seem pretty popular with the ladies.
Oppai Dragon: So, as someone who dreams of having a harem, I'd like to ask for your advice!
He pressed send.
Then immediately wondered whether he'd made a terrible mistake.
Was that too direct?
He considered deleting the message.
Too late.
A reply appeared.
Lord Seventh: Hahaha! Oppai Dragon, that's a pretty fitting question for your name!
Issei grinned.
He understands!
Lord Seventh: But honestly, I'm probably not the best person to ask. I never went around trying to collect girlfriends.
Issei frowned.
What?
Lord Seventh: My relationships happened naturally. I was usually too focused on my own goals to notice when someone liked me.
Issei stared at the screen.
Naturally?
Two wives?
Without even trying?!
What kind of unfair advantage was that?
Lord Seventh: Anyway, here's my advice. First, ask yourself whether you actually want relationships or whether you just like the idea of being surrounded by beautiful girls.
Issei blinked.
That was an annoyingly good question.
Lord Seventh: Attraction is fine, but love needs more than that. You have to understand the person, care about her happiness, and be willing to make sacrifices when necessary.
Lord Seventh: Would you stay beside her when things get difficult? Would you protect her even if there was nothing in it for you?
Issei became thoughtful.
For perhaps the first time in his life, he was receiving romantic advice that didn't involve his two equally hopeless friends.
That alone made the conversation historic.
Lord Seventh: Don't expect someone to love you just because you find her attractive. Talk to her. Get to know her. Build trust.
Lord Seventh: And try not to act like a pervert every time a pretty girl walks past. Most girls won't appreciate that.
Issei winced.
Ouch.
That one hit a little too close to home.
Lord Seventh: Work on your body, develop your confidence, and learn to treat women like people instead of prizes. The rest depends on the relationships you build.
Issei slowly nodded.
It made sense.
Annoyingly sensible sense.
Perhaps there really was wisdom behind that ridiculous orange outfit.
Oppai Dragon: Thank you, Lord Seventh! I'll remember your teachings!
A new message appeared.
Lord Seventh: No problem. Oh, and here's a little gift.
Issei froze.
A gift?
His imagination immediately went into overdrive.
Could it be a secret technique?
A supernatural charm?
Perhaps some legendary art capable of making women fall hopelessly in love with him?
He opened the attachment.
And stopped breathing.
On the screen was an absurdly exaggerated illustration featuring an enormous pair of breasts.
Issei's eyes widened.
His jaw dropped.
For one glorious moment, he believed he had discovered the greatest treasure in human history.
"Beautiful..."
He whispered the word with the reverence of a monk witnessing a divine revelation.
Then he quickly sent two reaction memes.
Oppai Dragon: Noice.
Oppai Dragon: I see you are a man of culture.
Naruto nearly fell out of his chair laughing.
Kurama glanced over.
"What did you do?"
"Nothing!"
"You're laughing like an idiot."
"Hehehe! This kid is hilarious!"
Naruto began typing.
Lord Seventh: Thanks, but I don't think you'll like what I have to say next.
Issei blinked.
Oppai Dragon: Huh?
Lord Seventh: You see, that picture looks appealing because you're only seeing a small part of it.
Issei frowned.
Where was this going?
Lord Seventh: Now imagine the rest of the body is an enormous, round mountain of flesh. Those proportions aren't nearly as attractive when you see the entire person.
Issei made the terrible mistake of imagining exactly what Naruto described.
His expression changed.
His smile vanished.
His face turned pale.
"Oh, no."
The image became increasingly vivid in his imagination.
"NO!"
He gagged.
"WHY WOULD YOU MAKE ME THINK ABOUT THAT?!"
Several students turned toward him.
Issei immediately covered his mouth.
Too late.
The damage was done.
With trembling fingers, he typed his response.
Oppai Dragon: YOU FIEND!
Oppai Dragon: NEVER HAVE I ENCOUNTERED SUCH FOUL AND TWISTED PERVERSITY!
Naruto was laughing so hard that Kurama had begun laughing with him.
Then one final message appeared.
Oppai Dragon: Have you ever considered a career as a demon?
Naruto stared.
Then burst into another fit of laughter.
"HAHAHAHA!"
Kurama shook his head.
"Congratulations, Naruto. You've traumatized a teenager."
Naruto wiped a tear from his eye.
"Aw, come on! It was funny!"
"You have two wives, three children, and you're the Hokage. Don't you have anything better to do?"
Naruto considered that.
He looked at the paperwork on his desk.
Then at the phone.
Then back at the paperwork.
His decision was immediate.
"Nope!"
Kurama sighed.
And somewhere in Kuoh Academy, Issei Hyoudou was learning a valuable lesson.
Never trust a mysterious interdimensional stranger who offers you relationship advice and unsolicited pictures.
Especially when that stranger is Naruto Uzumaki.
Because the Seventh Hokage might be one of the kindest men in existence.
But kindness and an absolutely terrible sense of humor were, unfortunately, not mutually exclusive.